‘ OFFICE BOY LAWYERS. .-
' 8 dden Collapse of a Grandiloquent Boast
Ljy aBudding Limb of the Law.
In one of the big down town office
buildings, tenanted principally by law
yers. a Mail and Express reporter rode
down in an elevator car this morning
with two boys, who, to judge from
Sheir conversation, were budding limbs
of the law. One of them was about 15
years -of age, and the other perhaps a
couple of years his senior.
“I had that judgment opened this
morning,” remarked the younger of the
two, flocking the ashes from a cigarette.
“but I thought Giegerich was a little
slow about it.” ‘
"Yeas,” drawled the other, “it’s cer-
tainly a great bore to have to spend so
much time in court. Remember my
bond and mortgage case in the Sn-
preme? Well, it was enough to try any-
body’s‘ patience. The trouble with some
of our judges, Frank, is that they don’t
know the rudiments of landlord and
tenant law. I cited Pebbles vs. Bub-
bles, and it knocked him out. Where
are you bound?”
“Oh, I’ve got a little corporation
matter on hand today,” was the reply.
“Receiver wants to be relieved. I don’t
know whether I’ll consent or not. I’ve
gota demurrer to argue besides, and
By that time the car was at the
ground floor. A stout matronly woman
stood, waiting to get in. .
“Well, young man,” she said, address-
ing the boy who had been called Frank,
”I_ Was just about to go up and give
you atalking to in front of your boss.
Why didn’t you get father’s shoes that
you took to be half-soled.”
“Hush, mother,” whispered Frank,
as his face reddened; “1 don’t want to
be talking about that down here. I’m
going to court.” ‘
“You’re going to court, are you?” re-
sponded the stout lady in aloud tone.
"Very well, go to court, but if you
come home tonight without those shoes
you get no supper and don’t stir a peg
out of the flat the rest of the week? ‘Do
you hear?”
“Say,” said theelevator. man as he
stuck his head out of the car and
grinned, “you’ve run up against the
Chief Justice of the Supreme Court,
haven’t you? Gee-whiz!”
OLDEST JEWELS IN THE WORLD.
They Decorated the Mummy Remains of
> .an Egyptian Queen.
The earliest jewels the pedigree of
which can be traced, lie in the Museum
of Boolak, Egypt, says the Philadelphia
Press. They belonged to Queen Aha-
hopep, a queen of the eighteen dynasty
in Egypt, apparently some time between
_1803 and 1591 B. C. There is, however,
much dispute as to the date of her
reign. In 1859 her tomb was opened by
M. Mariette, where it lay in the Valley
of the Tomb of the Kings.
When her coffin was opened a re-
markable collection of precious stones
and jewels was found within. The
most important of these was a diadem
of gold and enamel set on the head of
file queen. This had an inscription in
gold on a ground of lapis lazuli “and a
sphinx couchant onteach side. A small
porcelain cylinder is ornamented with
interlaced lotus flowers in intaglio, and
a gold drop inlaid with turquoise in the
shape of a fig. To the center of a gold
chain is fastened a .scarabaeus of solid
gold inlaid with lapis lazuli, and a
bracelet of quite modern pattern is dec-
orated with figures in repousse, with a
ground inlaid with lapis lazuli.
It is plain from this account that lapis
lazuli was the most commonly used of
the precious stones. It is interesting to
observe that it is also mentioned in Job,
one of theoldest books in the world.
It is probable that the ancients did not
understand how to cut diamonds, ow-
ing to their hardness.
Her Reason.
The young man picked up his hat and
looked sadly at the lining. -
“There is no hope for me?” he asked
faintly.
“None whatever,” replied the beauti-
ful girl, her eyes filled with compas-
sion.
When he reached the door he turned
toward her again.
“I have to thank you for one thing,”
‘ he said bitterly.
“What is that?” she inquired.
‘ ‘You have not told me that you would
be a sister to me.”
“I thought of that,” she rejoined,
hurriedly; “but I suddenly remem-
bered.” _.
“What?” he asked, shortly; as she
stopped.
“That I promised. this morning, to
marry your father.”-—-Brooklyn Life.
A Plea for Discrimination.
He (after the second act)Well, if you
will excuse me, I guess I’ll go out and
get a breath of fresh air.
She—If it’s the same kind of breath
that you went out for when I was here
with you before, I’d rather you would
not bring it in with yam—Boston Cou-
tier. ,
Worse and Worse.
Mrs. Brown—I have been so annoyed
at ,my husband. He has been at the
club every night for a week.
Mrs. J ones—Why, so has my husband,
and he said he hadn’t seen anything of
your husband. for a week—Brooklyn
Life.
M
HE WAS DISCIPLINED.
How a Timid Soldier Was Drilled Under
Fire- '
At Sebastopol, during the siege, Capt.
Samoilotf, desiring some wine, ordered
an ofiicer to send a. man for it. The
man, a young soldier, took the money
and started on the errand. Just then,
however, a French battery had concen-
trated its fire upon the very spot;where
the young man must go outside the
works. He stopped and then turned
back. , "
“I wouldn’t go out there fer the
world I” he said. .
The officer, of course, reported the act
of disobedience to the captain. The cap-
tain, in a rage, ordered the man into his
presence and demanded why he had not
obeyed his oflicer’s orders. 4
“I beg you to pardon me, captain, but
I was terribly afraid.”
“Afraid l” cried the captain. “Afraid!
A Russian soldier afraid] Wait a min-
nte. I will drive the fear out of you.
Come with ”me.”
The captain led the way toa rampart,
mounted it, and there, with the bullets
raining around -- him, began putting
the man through some military exer-
cise. »
The lockers-on in {thefort held their
breath. If a hat was put on a, bayonet
and lifted above the walls the bullets
came that way in an instant. Not many
minutes elapsed before a bullet struck
the captain on the arm. He did not
wince, but kept on with the drill, while
the blood dripped down his hand to the
Wall. ~,.-'...' ,4
Next a bullet went through the tail
of the soldier’s coat and another
through his knapsack. Then suddenly
the firing ceased. . The soldier begged
for grace. Still the captain continued
his drill. _ V
When he thought the lesson had been
learned, or, perhaps, - when his arm
grew too painful, he dismissed the sol-
dier and went himself to the surgeon
and had the Wound dressed. The
French explained afterward that they
had ceased firing out of sheer astonish-
ment at the sight of the men exposing
themselves so recklessly.——Pearson’s
Weekly,
‘ Crane Instead of Collie.
A dog that, unaided, may be trusted
to shepherd a flock of sheep, is consid-
ered a sagacious animal, but a shepherd
bird which will drive its charges topas-
ture, protect them from prowling ani-
mals,'and gathering them carefully to-‘
gather at nightfall, bring them safely
home again, is till recently unheard of
in this part of the world.
Such a bird is the yakamik of South
America. The settler in Venezuela and
British Guiana needs no dog to care for
his sheep and poultry. He has an effi-
cient guardian in the shape of a
crane, which he, or an Indian for him.
trains to__obey the voice of its master.
To the care of this bird he intrusts
his sheep or his ducks and other poul-
try, and sees them depart to their feed-
ing- grounds, ‘secure in the knowledge
that the crane will bring them all back
safely. Woe to the unlucky animal
that, prowling about to steel, is detect-
ed by the vigilant yakamik. The bird
savagely attacks the marauder with
wing and beak, and forces it to retreat
in haste. A dog is no match for the
crane.
At nightfall the bird returns with its
flock, never losing its way, no matter
how far it may wander, for its sense of
location is very acute. Arrived at home
it rests upon a tree or shed near its
charges, to be ready to resume its su-
" pervision of them when they are let out
again in the morning. -
The bird is as afiectionate as it is
trustworthy. It will follow its master
about, capering with delight, and show-
ing its appreciation of his caresses by
the most absurd movements.
. _ Am...
“He is a great friend to the poor.”
“So he is. He will keep any of his
friends poor if they will give him half a
3hance."—Indianapolis Journal.
A Ermine.
Perry Patettic—Now, this here paper
says that the production of beer in the
United States is fifteen gallons for
every inhabitant—and that’s where the
Prohibition party is a good thing.
Wayworn Watson—Fer why!
Perry Patettic—Because every fifteen .
gallons the Prohit’s drink is that much
more for us liberal people. —Life.
A combination of leavening agents thavare pure, strong and pro-eminently
J.
satisfactory in their action, has resulted in
which is "The kind Boss makes his biscuits with " and has for 32 years.
Over 3,000,000 pounds sold in the past year testify to t/zez'r popularity.
MANUFACTURERS C. D. 3033 & SON, NEW LONDON, CONN.
1 go ask some one older than I.”
FORGOT _ HIS MARRIAGE.
Business Engagement Delayed to Allow
Sam Johnson to Wed.
A colored man, about thirty years of
age, drove- up to the depot in Cincin-
nati With a load of baled cotton, and he,
had’ju‘st begun to unload when an old,
gray haired negro with a bad limp
came down the street and shouted at
him: V
“Say, you pusson dere
“N ow,;den, what sorter man be‘ yo’i"
demanded the old man, as he reached
thewagon.
“Hello,
other. .
”Hui "What do yo’ mean by dat?”
“Of ,co’se I are. Why, ole man,
you’s all excited dis mawnin’. What’s
de m‘attah?”
f‘Sam Johnson, he got a darter
Linda!” replied Uncle Joe, and be
straightened up and waved his arms
about; .
“Yes, of co’se. ‘Yes, sah. You’s got
a darter Linda, and she’s a powerful
fine gal l’_’ ,
“Last Sunday night, Sam Johnson.
yo’ asked dat galeinda to marry yo’ I”
“Hui Hui Sunday night? Lemme
see. Say, I reckon I did.”
,“Of co’se you did. She said she’d do
it, an’ de marriage was sot for dis
mawnin’.”
“Why, Ireckon it was, Uncle Joe.
Yes, we was to be married this mawn-
in).”
“But yo’ ain’t dar, sah!”
“Dat’s a fact. Jist clean slipt my
mind.” '
“Butwhat yo’ gwine ter do. sah—
what yo’ gwine ter do?” shouted the
old man, as he danced around.
“WhatI gwine ter do? Am Linda
alllready an’ de preacher dar?”
“Yes, sah.”
“Den yo’ come around here and
hang on to dat off mewl an’ hold him
stiddy, an’ I’ll run ober an’ marry
Linda an’ be back hook in ten minits.
If Majah Jones comes along and wants
tar know why this cotton ain’t dun un-
loaded, yo’ tell him dat owin’ to a dis-
reckoleckshun of'a matrimonial disre-
membrance I’zethad to procrastinate
for a few minits.”—Chicago Journal.
I”
Uncle” Joel” saluted the
A Clever Scheme.
A young man was practicing circles
in front of his home, when two fellows
stopped on the pavement to admire
him. Onelof them asked how much
the wheel weighed, and the young man
said it weighed 22 pounds.
The smaller of the two said that was
too light, and that he believed in
wheels weighing at least thirty pounds.
Also he mentioned that he once came in
first in a ten-mile race and rode a
wheel weighing thirtyoeight pounds. At
this the larger of the two stranger's
laughed derisively and said:
“What do you know about wheels?”
“Why, I‘ve ridden more wheels than
you ever .~ .. w,” replied the other.
“I don'. believe you can ride at all.”
“I’ll be: you a sovereign I can. Let
me show has on your wheel. I won‘t
hurt it.” .
He could ride all right. He wobbled
slowly on the wheel for a short dis-
tance, and then he swished around
the corner and was away like the
wind.
“You’d better run after that fellow,”
said the stranger; "I don’t know him.”
The owner of the wheel set off, but
the short stranger must have been a
mile away by that time. , Then when
the owner came back the big stranger
also had gone. -—Tid-Bits.
No Poetry in a. Maiden’s Love.
It was divinely announced in the early
history of the world that “it was not
good for man to be alone,” and the
announcement has received the almost
universal endorsement of our race—
especially the male portion of our race.
lt may be that some are discouraged by
frequent failures—that is, those who
failed to marry those they wished. To
the male sex this would seem to‘imply,
and it is supposed that the men only do
the courting. But a close observer will
sometimes admit that the ladies take
part in it. I once heard of a party who
asked a lady of over threescore years
how old a lady would become before
she would relinquish the idea of mar-
riage, and the answer was, “My son,
People
will marry. Itis necessary that they
should. But they should love first.
Those who write of love generally
treat the subject with too much levity,
and associate it with soft glances,
moonlight walks and poetry. Love
and poetry go hand in hand semetimes,
but poetry is generally left—left away
in the background. The young man,
when he first gets in love, is a poet in
his own conceit. The girl does not get
that way. She has'a practical idea of
love, and whether or not she recipro-
cates the passion of the young fellow
who is letting out his soul to her, she
will knock all the poetry out of him in
the first round—Pastor Hammond.
Mr. Grossmith and the Hatter.
Mr. George Grossmith is one of our
best known public performers, but he
has a non-professional social life when
he sinks his personal character to that
of the ordinary English gentleman.
Some people don’t see this, and a good
story bearing on the point is told.
Once a wealthy hatter, with whom Mr.
Grossmith had some slight acquain-
tance, came up to him at a Mansion
House Ball, and said: “Hulloa, Mr.
Grossmith; what are you doing here?
Are you going to give us any of your
your little funniments—eh?” “No,”
replied Mr. Grossmith; “are you going
to sell any of your hats?” An efiective
retort.
A Mean Business.
“My dear fellow,” wrote Robert
Louis Stevenson in his last days to a.
young relative engaged in a hot politi-
cal canvass,v "pOlllJlCS is a vile and
bungling business. 1 usel to 'think
meanly of the plumber; but now he
shines beside tue politician."—Bostoii
Transcript. '
Cure and am delighted with it.
Did You Iver ]. .
Try Electric Bitters as a- remedy for your
troubles? If not, get a bottle now and
get relief. This medicine has been par-
ticularyly adapted to the relief and cure
of all Female“ Complaints, exerting a
wonderful direct influence in givmg
strength .and tone to the organs. if you
have Loss of Appetite, Constipation,
Headache, Fainting Spells, or are Ner-
vous, Sleepless, Excitable, Melancholly
and are troubled wtth Dizzy 'Spells,
Electric Bitters is the medicine you need.
Health and Strength are guaranteed by
its use. Fifty cents and 31,00 at E. P.
Weed’s Drug Store, Nor-walk, and Men.
roe’s New Canaan. ~> . -
A Barber avenue young lady pro-
poses giving a butter milk party at an
early date.
Condensed Testimony.
Chas. B. Hood, Broker and Manufact-
urer’s Agent, Columbus, Ohio, certiffes
that Dr. King’s New Discovery has no
equal as a Cough remedy. J. D. Brown,
Prop. St. James Hotel, Ft. Wayne, Ind.,
testifies that he was cured of a Cough of
two years standing, caused by LaGrippe,
by Dr. Kings New Discovery. B. F.
Merrill, Baldwinsville, Mass., says that
he has used and recommended it and
never knew it to fail and would rather
it than any doctor, because it cures.
Mrs. Hemming, 122 E. 251k St. Chicago,
always keeps it at hand and has no fear
of Croup, because itinstantly relieves
Free Trial bottles at E. P Weed’s Drug-
Store, Norwalk and Monroe’s New Ca-
naan.
Mr. an": Mrs. George W. Raymond
and em, are enjoying themselves at
Cross l'.. ver. _.-.
Relief in Six Hours,
Distressing Kidney and Bladder dis-
eases relieved in siz hours by the “New
GREAT SOUTH AMERICAN KIDNEY
CURE.” This new remedy is a great sur-
prise on account of its exceeding pr0mpt,
ness in relieving pain in the bladder
kidneys, back and every part of the urin-
ary passages in male or female. It re-
lieves retention of water and pain in pass-
ing it almost immediately. If you want
quick relief and cure this is your remedy.
Sold by E. P. \Veed, Druggist. Norwalk,
Conn.
William stlor is building a cellar
for a house for Frank McLaughlin on
Fairview avenue.
Mother-’8 Delight With Hand’s Colic Cure
HAVERHILL, Mass, 11-80-’95.—Hand
Medicine Co.-—“I Wish to say that I pro-
cured a sample bottle of Dr. Hand‘s Colic
My baby
is now four months old, and'has suffered
every day of her short life with col-
ic. I have tried almost ,everthing ever
heard of, but can truthfully say that any-
thing I have tried cannot compare with
Dr. Hand‘s Colic Cure. Yours respect-
fully, Mrs. G. \G. Miller, 38 Arch St.”
Sold by all druggists, 25c
It is probable that a ball game be-
tween the Hopes and Pioneers Wlll be
one of the attractions at the Labor Day
picnick on the Fair Grounds.
' Try Allen-'8 Foot-Ease ,
A powder to be shaken into the shoes.’
At this season of the year your feet feel
swollen and hot, and gettired easily. If
you have aching feet, new shoes or tight
shoes, try Allen’s Foot-Ease. It cools
the feet and makes walking easy. Cures
and prevents swollen and sweating feet,
blisters and callous spots. Relieves come
and bunions of all pain and gives rest and
comfort. Try it today. Sold by all
druggists and shoe stores for 25¢. Sent
by mail for 25C in stamps. Address,
Allen S. Olmstead, Le Roy, N. Y.
The Misses Maud and Luis Gregory
and Anna Burr are visiting friends in
Bethe]. '
Shakelnzo I'our Shoes
Allen‘s Foot-Ease, a powder for the feet.
It cures painful swellings of the joints
and instantly takes the sting out of come
and bunions. It’s the greatest comfort
discovery of the age. Allen’s Foot-Ease
makes tight~fitting or new shees feel
easy, It is a certain cure for sweating,
callous and hot, tired, aching feet. Try
it to-day. Sold by all druggists and shoe
stores, 25c. Trial package free. Ad-
dress, Allen S. Olmstead Le Roy, N. Y.
Miss Mable Vanderhoef and her
guest Miss Fannie Leonard are at Shel-
ter Island. '
Bucklln’e Armca Salve.
The Best Salvein the world for Cuts
Bruises, Sores, Ulcers. Salt Rheum
Fever Sores, Tetter, Chopped Hands
Chilb‘iains, Corns and all Skin Erup
tions, and poszitivelycures Piles. or .no
Payrcquired. It is guaranteed to give
perfectsatisfaotion,or money refunded
Price25 cents per box. For Fslc e,
E. P. Weed, Norwalk and Monroby
New Canaan.
The Misses Laue, of the Bissell home-
tead have gone to the White Moun-
sine. \
Malia-rs Find Nothing to liqual Dr. Hand’s
Colic Cure.
WATERBURY Conn., 4-2-’96—Hand
Medicine Coz—Dear Sirs:—“I am using
Dr. Hand’s Cough and Croup Medicine
and Colic Cure for my children and find
nothing to equal them. They - work
like magic. I would not be without
them in my house. The little ones love
Dr. Hand’s Colic Cure and cry for it ; it
relieves them almost instantly. Mrs.
Frank Smith, 22 Wood St. At all drug-
gists, 25.
A “cutting-watermelon” party, was
recently given by one of our colored
“four-hundred” aristocracy on Knight
street, in true southern-camp meeting
style. ‘
The people have long since learned that
the most disagreeable medicines are not nec-
essarily the best. In fact, as a rule, they are
not. What is wanted is something mild and
sure, such as Chamberlain’s Colic, Cholera
and Diarrhoea Remedy. That is really
pleasant to take when reduced with water
and sweetened. Then it is acknowledged
everywhere to be the most successful remedy
in the world for-bowel complaints. Ask any
number of druggists for the best remedy
they have for diarrhoea and fully nine out
of ten will recommend Chamberlain’s. In
speaking of this medicine, Mr. B. B. Bufi'um
of Friendsville, Susquehanna C0., Pa., says:
“ We have used it in our family for ain in
the stomach, colic and diarrhoea an found
it to be a most effective remedy.” For sale
by E. P. Weed, dwggist.
—Subscribe for the GAZETTE.
Now is. ime
To Send in Your Advertisement
For Swing Trade.
THE »
IS THE RIGHT HEDIIIII THROUGH WHIGH
T0 REIGH THE REAIIIIIG PIIBLIG.
The Only Eight-Page One-Cent
Paper in the Norwalks.
a Value u“ an
A Avqthement
v'vvvv
IIEPEIIIIS (III THE PGGKETS (IF THE PEOPLE
' WHG REIII IT. ADVERTISEHEHTS III
THE Evrmut GAZETTE In!"
REID av moss wno
IIIVE mom T0
SPEIIIl. I;
0 LYI cs: T.
OFFICE OPEN EVENIN'GS.
Norwalk Chronicler