7
CURED
" About seven or eight months ago I
Was attacked by a cough, and at once
began to take a medicine much adver-
tised as an expectorant, and continued
using it until I had taken about six bot-
tles. Instead of giving me relief, it only
made me worse. I'tried several other
remedied, but all in vain, and I don’t
think I had three whole nights’ rest
during my illness. I began to think that
- Consumption
had laid hold of me, and my hopes of
recovery were all gone. I was a mere
skeleton, but a friend of mine, who had
been some time away, called to see
me. He recommended me to try Ayer’s
Cherry Pectoral, and kindly sending
me a bottle, I took it, but with little
hopes of recovery. I am thankful,how-
ever, to say that it cured me, and I am
to-day enjoying the best of health.”—
J. Wilmot Payne, Monrovia, Liberia.
AY E R’S
Cherry Pectoral
Prepared by Dr. J. C. Ayer 8; Co., Lowell, Mass. _
Prompt to act.sur.e to cure
SPEGIAL ANNOUNG MENT
I HAVE JUST SECURED THE.
LATEST IMPORTATIONS
Fall and Winter Suitings.
Which I will make up at the lowest cash
price.
F . E D G O U R ,
Custom Tailor
17 North lisin Street. South NOIWIIIK.
WINE
URINVALIDS
Fine Part ail—Sierra Wine
50c flottle.
Grape Wine,
cenuine home made, frpm the very best of
fruit which we are selling for 50c per bottle.
Claret—Wine,
Special ease
_.I_
35c per bottle. None better.
noes
AB brands of fine table lagers and ale, club
soda, sarsapanllamream soda and ginger ale.
*eeaeae— .
BETTS & FARRINGTON
LEADING onocnns.
con. WALL AND WATER srs.
THE NEW
Electrical Disinfectant,
WE HAVE IT!
chli’sflecimzcne
Used and endorsed by
the New York Board of
Health. '. '. ' '. '
THE GREATEST DISINFECTANT
EVER DISCOVERED !
PURIFIES EVERYTHING!
I YOU CAN FIND IT AT
HAIL-E’s.
SURROUNDED BY MYSTERY!
A .. Great Mistake.
A recent discovery is that headache
dizziness. dullness. confusion of the mind,
'etc., are due to derangement of the nerve
centers which supply the brain with nerve
force: that indigestion, dyspepsia, neuralgia.
wind in stomach, etc, arise from the derange-
, ment of the nerve centers supplying these or-
gans with nerve fluid or force. This is likewise
true of many diseases of the heart and lungs.
The nerve systemislike a telegraph system,
as W111 be seen by the accompanying
cut. The little . -
white lines are ’ ‘
the nerves which
convey the nerve
force from the
nerve centers to
every _ art of the
may. . ust as the
electric current is
conveyed along
a h e telegraph
wires to every
station large or
small. Ordinary
physicians fail to
regard this fact:
instead of treat-
mc: I he nerve cen-
ters for the cause
of the disorders
".- rising therefrom
they t r e a t the
part ailcctcd.
- ‘Franklin Miles,
iii. 1)., LL. B., the
highly celebrated
specialistand . - ' -
{tudcnt of nervous diseases, and author
at many noted treatlses on the latter subject.
one; smce realized the truth of the first
tatement, and his Restorative Nervine
.3 prepared on‘ that principle. Its success
in curing all diseases arising from derange-
ment of the nervous system is wonder-
iul, as the thousands of unsolicited testimo-
nzals 1n possessmn of the company manufac-
turincr t. 1e remedy amply rove.
Dr. 'lliiles’ Restorative ervine is a reliable
remedy for all nervous diseases, such as
headache, nervous debility, prostration,
sl'eeples‘sness, dizziness hysteria, sexual de-
bilit , St. Vitus dance, epilepsy, etc. It is
sold y all druggists on a. ositive guarantee,
or sent direct by the Dr. iles Medical 00..
Elkhart, had, on receipt of price, 51 per
tie, s1x bottles for $5. express prepaid.
Restorative Nervine pdsitively contains no
Opiates or dangerous drugs.
Sold by H. R. Hale, Norwalk, and
(ice ‘0_ S‘illson, South Norwalk.
. ,
'ji ' _ s
.q._ /
WE E K L Y - No RWAL K72; c. A z E T; T E ..
GREATEST 0r Henrs.
The Mighty Searcher Now in Use
at Chicago.
The Reflected Beam Cast by the Mam-
moth Lantern Equal to Millions
Upon Millions of
‘ Candles.
To America belongs the honor of con-
structing the largest and most power-
ful electric search light in the world,
now being set up at the world’s fair.
It stands about ten feet six inches high
to the upper side of the ventilator on
the top of the drum, and the total
weight is about 6,000 pounds, but so
perfectly is,it mounted and balanced
that a child can move it in any di-
rection.
The reflecting lens mirror used in
this projector is 150 centimeters, or 60‘
inches in diameter. It is a concave
spherical mirror of the Mangin type,‘
free from spherical aberration, reflect-
ing a sensibly parallel beam of light.
it was manufactured especially for this
projector in Paris, France, and is a.
most perfect specimen of optical work,
three and one-fourth inches thick at
the edges and one-sixteenth of an inch
thick at the center, and weighs about
300 pounds. '
‘ The metal ring in which itis mount-
ed weighs about 750 pounds, and the
total lens, ring and cover weigh about
1,600 pounds. This great mirror is
mounted at one end of the big drmn,
the outer end of which is furnished
with a door consisting Of a metal rim
in which are fixed a. number of plate-
glass strips five-sixteenths of an inch
thick by six inches wide. Inside this
drum and sliding upon ways arranged
on the bottom is placed the electric
lamp, the source of the light which is
reflected by the mirror. '
It is entirely automatic in its action,
is six feet high and weighs about 400
pounds. The carbons used are also
made especially for it. The upper or
positive carbon is one and one-half
inches in diameter and twenty—two
and one-half inches long, with a five-
sixteenth of an inch core of soft carbon
running from end to end through its
center. The lower or negative carbon
is one and one-fourth inches in diame—
ter, is fifteen inches long and also has
a core of soft carbon running through
its center. In addition its outer sur-
face is heavily coated with copper.
The positive carbon is set a little in
front of the negative, and thus almost
all the intense light of the incandes-
cent crater is cast upon the reflector.
The maximum current at which this
lamp operates is 200 amperes, and at
this current the lamp has a luminous
intensity of about 90,000 to 100,000 can-
files, the reflected beam 3. total lumin-
ous intensity of. about 375,000,000 can-
dles, an intensity which the eye cannot
appreciate. In looking at the side of
the beam the spectator only distin-
guishes a. stream of light of compara-
tively low intensity, but in looking at
the beam directly its brilliancy is ful-
ly seen and the effect is absolutely
blinding. Ventilators at the top and
sides allow a. cOnstant current of air
to pass through the drums and dissi-
pate the heat generated by the are
lamp, and they are so arranged that
no light can escape through them.
All the connections for adjusting the
positions of the carbons and the lamp
are brought through the drum to the
outside, and are arranged in close
proximityto one another at one side,
so that all may be manipulated by the
operator without moving from his po-
sition. Through openings in the drum
covered by densely colored glass the
operation of the lamp may be watched
and its adjustments verified.
It was observed that the space with-
in the beam was violently agitated,
and closer observation revealed the
fact that millions of moths and minute
insects were hovering in it, attracted
by the brilliancy of the light. Next
morning bushels of dead moths, beetles,
other insects and some small birds
were swept up from the roof on
which the projector stood. They had
been killed by the intensity of the
light.
How far the powerful beam of light
of this instrument can be seen is dif-
ficult to state. The search light set up
on Mount Washington, in the White
mountains, has a diameter of only
thirty inches, and a reflected light
from the mirror of about 100,000 candle
power, yet the newspaper can be read
in its beam te miles away, and the
light can be seen from points 100 miles
away. How much farther then could this
375,000,000 candle power light be seen
in a clear atmosphere, free from
moisture, if the projector could be
mounted upon an eminence sufficiently
high to clear all obstacles. ‘
Tailor-3’ , Dummiel.
Wax figures are slowly disappearing
as advertising agencies. The cheap
tailors use figures of wire with heads
of plaster and papier mache, and the
cheap dentists have taken in some of
their horrible heads with staring eyes
and teeth that were gnashed by ma-
chinery. The effect of summer sun on
a few of the wax figures that are still
used in shop" windows is ghastly.
There is one figure of a woman whose
arm is drooping into a half-circle, and.
there is a tailor’s dummy whose fore—
head is falling into his eyes, giving
him a very malign expression. In a
certain farce comedy a loud laugh is
raised at an incident in a. tailor’s shop.
A comedian undertakes to sing “White
Wings,” when one of the dummies that
has been standing stifily against the
wall moves forward with clasped
hands, makes a gesture of agonized en-'
treaty, and walks off like an autom‘
aton. The singer stops.
A‘ Kindly Princess.
The princess ‘of Wales is very kind
to her poor neigbors at Sandringham.‘
_A writer in the Idler says that often
'she may be seen picking up the dusty
little dots of ' children from the roads,
placing them in her own carriage until
it is completely packed, and- then duly
delivering each at its own home ~to
boast of’having enjoyed a ride with
161'.
Read the Gaznrrn.
v
I
GUITEAU’S BONES.
The Real Burial Place of President
Garfield’s Assassin.
Not in a Medical Museum But Beneath
the Floor of the Prison in Which
the Murderer Was
Confined.
Deputy Warden Russ of the district
jail made a statement that the skele-
ton of Guiteau, the assassin of Presi-
dent Garfield, is not on exhibition at
the medical museum, as has been gen-
erally supposed.
It will be remembered that for a. long
time prior to the execution strenuous ef-
forts were made to ascertain where Gui-
teau was to be buried. Persons acting
in the interest of resurrectionists, both
those who wanted the body for dissec-
tion and several enterprising proprie-
tors who much desired to secure it for
exhibition'purposes, ind ustriously ques-
tioned every one whom they thought
possessed the 'slightest knowledge.
Great precautions were taken to pre- - -
vent the grave from being robbed.
The following mode’ of procedure was
agreed upon to prevent the body from
being stolen. In order toobviate what-
ever legal difficulties might arise and
to forestall any claim the sister or
brother of the murderer might make,
it was decided that he should make a
will bequeathing his body to Dr. Hicks,
and it will probably be remembered
that the will when published created
some curiosity by its wording, giving
as it did the body, to be disposed of as
the beneficiary saw fit.
“After going over the whole mat-
ter,” said Warden Russ, “and realizing
that it would be impossible to properly
protect the corpse, it was decided to
bury it in the jail the night of the
hanging. After the autopsy the body
remained in a cheap coffin in the
chapel of the jail. ‘Upon my arrival at
the jail early on Saturday morning fol-
lowing the execution, I secured a
couple of trusties and taking them
with me proceeded to the laundry-
room. It is a little room just to the
east of theengine-room, dimly lighted
by a small barred grating, and it 'made
almost an ideal tomb.
‘ “Two amateur grave diggers went
to work, and, quickly removing the
flooring, dug a grave sufficiently deep
by the time the body was brought
down from the chapel.
“There was only a small party that
stood about that open grave and lis-
tened to the solemn reading of the
burial service. Gen. Crocker, who was
the warden, was present, and I believe
Charley Reed, the lawyer who assisted
in Guiteau’s defense, besides several
guards and the two prisoners who dug
the grave. It was a. weird scene, and
one I shall never forget. The burial
in such a somber place was particular-
ly nerve-trying, and I think we all felt
relieved when Dr. Hicks concluded and
the darkies began to cover up the cof~
fin. This did not consume much time,
and it was not long before the grave
was filled up and the flooring restored
to its normal position. '
“There was no particular compact as
to secrecy among us, but it seemed to
be generally understood that we would
maintain silence, especially as there
was considerable excitement at the
time. The story that the body had
been secretly removed to the medical
museum was permitted to go uncon-
tradicted, just as I state, because we
did not believe it concerned anyone.
“What became of the brains and
other organs of the assassin which
were removed at the autopsy held im-
mediately after the execution I do not
know, except the spleen, which is on
exhibition at the museum. Whatever
else was left of the man who murdered
President Garfield lies beneath the
floor of the laundry-room of the jail.”
BETTER THAN A CLUB.
New York Policemen Have Adopted a
Novel Plan for Aronsing Drunks.
Ever since the New York police com-
missioners issued the edict against
members of “the finest” carrying their
locusts during the day the patrolmen
in the downtown precincts have been
trying to find something to take
the place of the club when it was
found necessary to recall sleeping
“drunks” from the land of dreams to
the stern realities of existence.
Formerly, says the Evening World, a
free application of the club to the soles
of a sleeper’s feet had the desired ef-
fect. Denied that method of arousing
the dormant powers of locomotion in
the sodden gentry it was often neces-
sary to Spend the greater part of an
hour persuading an individual to hie
himself away. But it was not long be-
fore the inventive genius of an Oak
street station patrolman made the way
all smooth and beautiful once more.
Now a. five-cent rubber ball has
taken the place of the eighteen-inch
stick. Apparently harmless as this
little toy looks to the uninitiated, its
efficacy as a “bum” accelerator far
exceeds a whole " bundle of night
sticks. It isn’t the rubber ball, but its
contents that does the business. Every
patrolman in the fourth ward now fills
a rubber ball with household ammonia
when he starts out in the morning. A
gentle pressure of the thumb and flu-
ger projects a fine stream of fluid
lightning from the small hole in the
hollow Sphere a- distance of several
feet. This tiny stream brought to bear
upon a “sleeper’s” mustache has never
yet failed to bring about an immediate
revivifying of the subject, no matter
how inert the bundle of “bum” ap
peared to be a moment previous.
The Uses of 3 Saw.
“Every well-regulated family,” said
Mrs. Billtops, “ought to have a saw.
We’ve had a hammer as long as I can
remember, and why we haven’t had a
saw I don’t know. They are so handy
to have in the house; to sawaficurtain
poles with; to saw off the legs of chairs
if you want to shorten them; to make
things out of boxes, window seats and
things like that; to saw o‘ld boxes into _
kindling wood, if one is economical,
and for lots of other things. I must
not Mr. Bilitops to buy a. saw to-Inor
Bo ad the Gaznrrm,
THiE KIND ' i
; .THA Ulzs=
lllllllllil-llililillllIlill‘l‘llliIi
JOHN A. consort, .
Freedom, . .
Smothering Asthma!
SLEPT IN A CHAIR 40 YEARS!
Vow Goes to Bed and “Sleeps
Like a Child!”
We Challenge the World to Show
. a Parallel Case!
C To ANYONE WHO DOITBTS THE TRUTH on MR.
5.
gleuglh of time, being compelled to obtain what
E sleep I could et sitting in n. chair.
lluve tried octors and every medicine I could
cc or hear of without obtaining much relief.
Last Spring I saw
DAN A’S
SARSAPARILLA
advertised and concluded to try it, though without
Emuch faith, but after taking a few doses, feeling
:—.:.casxcr at nivhtI continued, and at the 0 fiction-
*aaEarreeserEP. AA:
0 8—
WELL As A (31111. Have never-
st any sleep since. In consequence of which my
Egenera health has improved wonderfully. 1111
—only taken two bottles.
I remain, yours respectfully,
Freedom, N. 11. JOHN A. CORSON.
GENTS :——I am personally acquainted with J. 11.:
Corson and can assure you of his PERFECT BEo=
LIABILITY. Yours tmliy’
.. Cl AS. W. HICKS, E
Wolfboro, N. II. Druggist. i
Dana Sarsaparilla 00.. Belfast, Maine- 5;
tn
I flllfllliiillllllli
lllliflilllllllilifl I
NEW YORK.NEW HAVEN & HARTFORD
RAILROAD. .
-—~NEW YORK DIVISION
October 1, 1893.
Trains leave South Norwalk asfouows:
FOR NEW YORK—Accommodation trains at
9.36 a. m., 1.11, 2.54, 11.07, 5.25. 5.50, 6.50. 7 55, 10.23
p. 111. Express trams at 5.20. 5.26, 6.15 (local).
6,55 local). 7.17 (local). 7.55 (local), 8.21 (local).
9.03 (local) .10.11. 10.45. 11.37 (local) a.m.
12.52 2.25.4,20,5.18.6.20 pm. _For Washington WI
Harlem River 1.13 a.m. (daily.
Simona—Accommodation 9.15 a. m., 6.14,
local express), 7.23. 9.28 p. m. Express 5.20 5.26
a. m.
Eon NEW_HAVEN AND THE E.\sr.-—Accommo.
datIOn trams at 0.32. 7.38, 8.46 and 11.44 a. m.,
1.41. 4.22, 5.27. 6.27. 7.28 (to_ Bridgeport),
8.41 9.41 and 11.15p.m. Express trams at 91110.05
11.06 a. m. 12.05, 1.10, 3.06. 5.07 (Naugatuck Ex-
press)7.10 p. m. (Springfield Local), 1.01 a. In,
(Boston Express), 1.22 a. m_.
Simona—Accommodation 7.38, 9.12 a. m. and
‘[.15 p.m. Express 1.01 and 1.22 a. m. _
' HEMPSTEAD. Gen. Pass. Act
o. 1'
I I: asTABUSHEDmfo’ '
. runes
I ENOWNED FOR -
NE & DURABI LITY
MODERATE PRICES
EASY T2323. EXCHANGE.
ENDORS D BY LEADING ARTISTS.
Catalogue Mailed anyplicltion. '
|l0 Fifth Ave, car. Hill: Street}
NEW YORK CITY.
ONE DOLLAR
EVERY HOUR
is easily earned by an one of either sex in any
part of the country, w 10 is willing to work indus.
tnousiy at the employment which we furnish.
The labor is light and pleasant, and on run no
risk whatever. We lit you out com etc, so that
you can give the business a trial wit out expense
to_yo.ursclf. For those willing to do a little work,
this is the grandest offer made. You can work
all day, or in the evening only. If you are em.
ployed, and have a few spare hours at your dis-
posal, utilize them, and add to your income,—
our business will not interfere at all. You will
be amazed on the start at the rapidity and ease
by winch you amass dollar upon dollar, day in and
day out. Even beginners arqspecessfnl from the
first hour. Any one can run the business —none
fail. You should try nothing else until you see
for. yourself what you can do at the business
which we offer. No on ital risked. Women are
grand workers; nowa ays they make as much
as men. They should try this business, as it is so
well adapted to them. Write at once and see for
yourself. \ddress H. HALLETT & 00.,
Box 880, Portland, Me.
Efrem: euvme Limes
, See the new lamp—
The “Miller,”
(Patented 1893).
Every Lamp Warranted.
We make a full line 0’
Plain and ,Beautifnl lamps.
Send for circular, or call at '
10 and 12 College Place, IV. 1’.
$3,, Near I. Road Stations—6th Ave.
. ark Place; 9th Ave., Barclay SL3
EDWARD MlLLER a co. (Est’d 1844).
Insist on having the "Miller” from your dealer.
r
cATAHRH ELY’S
7
»-n&t)’3im eaEAM BALM
nékpcufilsm‘a 01 th N
t. ”H _ eanses 9 sea
$004; Passages, Allays
. "I Pain and Inflamma
tion
Heals the Sores !
Restores the Senses
of Taste and
Smell;
A particle is appliediinto eachnostril and:
agreeable. Price‘50c at Drugsists; by ma
New York. .
HAY-HEY: R, TRY THE consu-
registered, 60c. ELYIBBOS.. 56 Warren stree |
NOTES ON FOREIGN NOTABLES
THE duke of Cambridge takes the
keenest interest in the welfare of pri—
vate soldiers and is very popular among
the, men of‘the ranks.
THE duke of Westminster has spent
over £1,000,000 in rebuilding Eaton hall,
which is now considered to rival Chats-
worth as England’s finest house.
THE duchess de Maille is always
recognized in the Bois de Boulogne by
her immense coach. It dates from the
last century and is equipped with pos-
tilions and outriders in livery.
NERVOUSNEss never troubles Mme.
Melba, the great singer, even on a “first
night.” "The greater and the more
distinguished the audience,” she says,
“the more stimulated and bracedI feel.
There is something that responds to
the exigency of the occasion.”
I’nor. MAX MULLER has enjoyed a
unique distinction. On December 3,
1875, at the invitation of Dean Stan-
ley he delivered a. lecture in VVcstminé
ster abbey on the “Religious of the
World,” the only address .ever deliv-
ered‘ by a. layman within the sacred
precincts.
IT is not often that a royal person-
age condescends to act as judge in a
bicycle contest. The king of the Bel~
gians recently did this, however, at
Brussels. Since then he has become
infatuated with bicycling, and has
offered a medal to be competed for by
amateurs in a. race. from Paris to Brus-
sels.
THE young emperor of China has as
keen a relish for the pleasures of the
table as any epicure in his dominions.
Eight plates form the staple of his
dinner menu. The emperor insists on
having bca-rs’ paws, antelope tails,
ducks’ tongues. torpedo eels’ eggs, cam-
el’s hump, monkeys’ lips, carps’ tails
and marrow bones served at his table
every day in the year. s
TRANSATLANTIC LINERS.
PAKISTAN thieves have been detected
stealing boots from a boot shop by
means of a fishing-rod and line. '
Ave St. Malo there is an omnibus con-
ductor 'who is a marquis, a count who
earns his living by making mousetraps
and a bathing man who rejoices in a.
double title—Count Saoul de la Be-
gace, Marquis de Chambery.
AMONG the latest enthusiasts for bi-
cycle riding in Brussels is Mme. Lam-
bert de Rothschild, who goes regularly
to the Bois de la Cambro to practice.
Bicycle riding has created quite a.
furore in the city among the gentler
sex.
A FRIENDpf the labor movement has
taken to the house of commons and
left in the hands of the attendants a
black leather bag, engraved with an
inscription to John Burns in gold let-
ters: “To John Burns, in memory of
the great dock strike, 1889.”
THE teapot which the princess of
Wales invariably uses every day at
Sandringham is exceedingly curious,
and is said to be of priceless value. It
is very old, in the shape of a. stout
Dutchman sitting astride a. barrel of
wine. The old man’s cap serves for a
lid and a. gold tap in the barrel lets
out the favorite five o’clock beverage.
CHURCH AND CLERGY.
NEW churches built in America last
year numbered nearly 10,000.
THE Presbyterians have sixty-eight
missionaries and thirty-eight churches
in Japan.
REV. W. I. CHAMBERLAIN has been
appointed superintendent of the Chris-
tian Endeavor movement in India.
IN the United States and British
America there are 130,197 Sunday
schools. These are attended by over
10,000,000 pupils.
AT the last meeting of the Provincial
synod of Canada .Rt. Rev. John Travers
Lewis, LL. D., lord bishop of Ontario,
was elected metropolitan.
THE last census returns present in-
teresting statistics showing that there
are in New England 230,000 more
Roman Catholics than Protestants.
THE Reorganized Church of Jesus
Christ of Latter Day Saints claims a
membership of 30,000 people. Most of
its churches are in the United States.
THE Presbyterian Woman’s Foreign
Missionary society of N ew York has
tWenty-five women missionaries in
Brazil, Chili and Colombia ‘stationed
in half a dozen different places and
doing effective work in all.
FOR STUDENTS OF NATURE.
A srmnn’s eyes are not in his head,
but in the upper part of the thorax.
THE longest animal known to exist is
the rorqual, which averages 100 feet in
length.
IN proportion to its size, the horse
- has a smaller stomach than any other
quadruped.
BUSHMEN and negroes possess a. more
prominent and narrow chest than the
white races, whose chest is broader
and flatter.
THE flea is covered with armored
plates, very hard, and overlapping
each other. Each is set with spikes and
bends in conformity with the move-
ment of the body.
DEW is the greatest respecter of
colors. To prove this take pieces of
glass or boards and paint them red,
yellow, green and black. Expose them
at night, and you will find that the
yellow will be covered with moisture,
that the green will be damp, but that
the red and black will be left perfectly
dry.
THE DAIRY.
Cows SHOULD be kept off low, weedy
' pastures.
BUTTER that is along time coming is
said to be of inferior quality.
Cows SHOULD be milked daily at the
same time and by the same person.
Ir is-said that when cows are fed‘on
bran the cream rises slowly and is hard
to churn.
THE average yield of milk per cow in
Great Britain is said to be four hun-
dred pounds a year.
Ammo the milk thoroughly before
setting will help greatly in preventing
bad flavor in milk and butter.
‘—. .
Read the Guam
Nov-at Etiquette.
An English admiral who was once]
visiting a French flagship laid down his}
quid on a convenient bulkhead before
entering the Ofiicers’ headquarters:
When he came out againhe was aston-
ished to find .the quid in the place
where he had left'it. ,
. “Pooh!” said he, in the hearing of
some of the sailors, “you Frenchmen
will never be true sea-dogs. No English
blue-jacket would ever have let an
admiral’s quid alone.”
Whereupon one of the French sailors
stepped up, touched his cap and said:
" “Beg pardon, admiral; I was chewing
your quid while you were in there, but
I put it back, you know, when I heard
you coming out!”
An Apparent Injustice.
Mollie had been to church for the
first time, and on her return home her
grandmother asked her what she
thought of it.
“I liked it very much,” she replied,
“but there was one thing I didn’t
think was fair.”
“What was that, dear?”
“Why, one man did all the work, and
then another man came around and
got all the money.”—Harper’s Bazar.
i
It Makes No Difference.
“I suppose you don’t believe in
courtship,” said the paragraphist
laughingly to the president of the gas
company.
“Why not?” asked the‘president.
“Because lovers always turn the gas
down, you know. Ha! ha! ha!”
“Oh that makes no difference,” said
the president. “The meter gets in its
work all the same.”-—Texas Siftings.
Jones Knew His “’eakness.
Somebody challenged Jones to fight
a. duel, thinking to scare him.
“Well, it’s a go,” replied that cheer-
ful lunatic, “but only on one condi-
tion. You know how near-sighted I
am? Well, to make things equal 1 in—
sist that I shall be placed ten paces
nearer my Opponent than he is to me
for the fellow’s got an eye like ‘ a
hawk.”
THIS ONE Is A FAILURE.
. "//’/,/,.
“‘1'! ‘f >~.,,,’_
. x:
I" n m
She—Mr. Brush seems to be just
wedded to his art. -
He—Well, I think he might get a di-
vorce on the ground of non-support.—
Detroit Free Press.
He Didn’t Got Burt.
Sweet Girl—I am so glad to see you
alive and well. I was afraid papa
would lose all control of himself when
you asked him for my hand, and he
. "l I 3”.
1'] .1 a".
has such an awful temper. What did
he say?
Brave Adorer—I—I couldn’t quite un-
derstand.
Sweet Girl—Couldn’t understand?
Brave Adorer— N-o; the—cr—wires
got crossed—Good N ewa.
Apologetic.
“The mother-in-law you may deride,
But mine is a saint.” he said.
“I beg your pardon,” the wit replied:
“I did not know she was dead.”
—Puck.
The Ruling Passion.
Old Skinflint was on his death-bed,
and had given directions that the fu-
neral should be as cheap as possible.
“Have you anything else on your
mind? ’ asked a member of the family.
“Yes,” replied the dying miser,
"‘when you telegraph the news of my
:death to my brother in Kansas collect
'at the other end.”——Texas Siftings.
Rupert’s Hope. ,
Rupert—I hope, mamma, that I
wasn’t impertinent to Mrs. Thatcher
.tO-day.
Mamma~lndeed I hope not, Rupert.
What did you do?
Rupert—Why, she said I was grow‘
ing like a bean pole, and I told her that
.bean poles don’t grow.—Harper’s
’Young People.
Didn’t Mean It.
Little Dick—Dot isn’t going to give
me any candy. I know it.
Mother—Didn’t she say she would?
Little Dick—Y-e—s, but she said it
. just the way sister Clara says “Don’t”
when some feller is going to kiss her.
--Good News. '
A Swell.
Clara—What is the matter, Ir. Dude~
1y? You are actually lame.
Dudely—Y-a-as, Miss Clara, you see
my feet are swelled.
Clara—It is strange that you should
be swelled at both ends at once—Texas
' Siftings.
The Wrong Kind.
Customer—I want to get a good,
serviceable. mosquito bar.
Clerk—Where do you live?
Customer—New Jersey.
Clerk-You don’t want a mosquito
bar. You want a crowbar.—Judge.
Where Symmthy Lay.
Primus—Buskin, I hear, is the .star ,
in Dingley’s play. Has he a sympa-
thetic support?
Secundus—Ye’s. Why, theapplause
always starts from behind the scenes.
—Boston Globe.
Knew What He Wanted.
Doctor (to sick .boy)—Well, Harold,
ou’ve had toast and tea for a week _
now; what do you want to get to:
marrow?
, Harold—I want to get up.—-Harper’s
Young People. ~ ' ’
Read the Gsznrrn
Norwalk Chronicler