WE'SENDBY MALI
‘ Pouno
‘M’Qfi‘zflv we HAM; 019$
Sham,
SMAILPACKSSBQT'SDOSTPAID. .
NORWALK GAZETTE, WEDNESDAY AUGUST 14, 1889.
"in
0““ WILL
MAKEHENS LAY
9 LIKE B
"50011017101400“ Bl
Sherida.n9s Condition Powder
is absolutely pure and highly concentrated.
medicine, to be given in the food, once daily, in small doses.
Worth its weight in gold when hens are lilOllltlnd, and to keep them healthy.
Ask your druguist, grocer, general store or feed dealer for it.
by mail.
once to us. Take no other kind. We will send
One ounce is worth a pound of any other kind. Strictly-J
Prevents and cures all diseases of hens.
Testimonials sent free
If you can’t get it, send at
ostpaid by mail as followsz—A new, enlarged,
elegantly illustrated copy of the “FARMERS’ POUL"RY RAISING GUIDE” (price 25 cents; tells how
to make money with a low liens), and two small packaues of Powder for 00 cents; or, one large 2 141
pound can and Guide, $1.20. Sample package of Powder. ‘25 cents, live for $1.01).
I. S. JOHNSON 8; 00.. 2.2 Custom~lIouso Street, Best-on, Mass.
prepaid, for $5.00. Send stamps or cash.
Six large cans, express
UNACQUAINTED WITH THE GEOGRAPHY OF THE COUNTRY, WILL OBTAIN
MUCH VALUABLB INFORMATION FROM A STUDY OF THIS MAP OF
no 11:1 ,.
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_ “ss‘g " Mfg/['- mini! ‘4‘? /R Isl /
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generals. 2M .. . 13,923 K BU // ’4
cisco ‘* «walk -
. IV. ,YDYZII‘ 1' “Thar/m a I O UTE
CopyrlganB‘B, by E. '51.. John. -fll\M¢NIlh "-01%? s .
THE GREAT ROCK ISLAND ROUTE.
(Chicago, Rock Island 6’; Pacific and Chicago, Kansas & Nebraska Rys.)
Its main lines, branches and extensions west, northwest and southwest
Roludo Chicago, Joliet, Ottawa, Peoria, La Salle, Moline, Rock
Island in
LIN DIS—Davenport, Muscatine, Ottumwa, Oskaloosa, West Libert , Iowa
City, Des Moines, Knoxville, Winterset, Atlantic Audubon, Harlan,
Centre, and Council Bluffs in IOWA—Minnea of
SOTA—VVatertown and Sioux Falls in DAKOT
_ uthrie
1s and St. Paul in MINNE-
-—Gallatin, Trenton, Cameron,
St. Joseph, and Kansas City in MISSOURI—Beatrice, Fairbury, and Nelson
in NEBRASKA—horton, Topeka, Hutchinson, Wichita, Bellevillei Norton,
Abilene,
RAD
Caldwell, in KANSAS—Colorado Springs, Denver, Pueblo,
Traverses new and vast areas of rich farmin
n COLO-
and grazing landslsI
affording the best facilities of intercommunication to o der States and to a
towns and cities in_ Southern Nebraska, Kansas, Colorado, Utah, New
Mexmo, Indian Territory, Texas, Arizona, Idaho, California, and Pacific
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SOLID FAST VESTIBULE EXPRESS TRAINS
Of Palace Coaches—leading- all competitors in splendor of e ui ment and
luxury of accommodations—run through daily between Chicg opand Colo-
rado Springs, Denver and Pueblo.
Similar MAGNIFICENT ESTIBULE
ERAIN ~SE§VICE daily between _Chic.a o and Council Bluffs (Omaha), and
etween Chicago and. Kansas City. legant Day Coaches Dinin Cars,
alace glilxcur-
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alone daily. Choice of routes to and from Salt Lake City
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leeping Cars.
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prompt connections and transfers in Union Depotsg. Q Ck time,
THE FAMOUS ALBERT LEA ROUTE
Runs superbly e uipped Ex ress Trains daily each way between Chicago,
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hunting and fishing grounds1 ogiithe1 Ngrthgvlssg h
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courses through the most
oseph, Leavenworth, Kansas City and
The Favorite Tourist Line to the scenic resorts, and
Minne-
Its Watertown Branch
THE SHORT LINE VIA SENECA AND KANKAKEE offers facilities to
travel between Cincinnati, Indianapoli
Joseph, Atchison, Leavenworth, Kansas
Ffolders, or desired information a 1 to an Cou on
nited States or Canada, or addizesgp y y p
For Tickets, Maps
Ticket Office in the U‘
E. ST. JOHN,
General Manager.
CHICAGO, ILL.
s Lafalgette, and Council Bluffs, St.
Cit , inneapolis, and St. Paul.
E. A. HOLBROO K,
Gen’l Ticket & Pass. Agent.
tee-VI
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gm
AT 110. ii
IF YOU WANT
A HEATER
THAT W lLL
Heat Your House
GET—+—
11 11101011
12' tilillllllmll t cos.
SOL 1.51 Edith, A’i‘illifl N T! 001
M, L. BYENGTON,
Pens/Con Atmmmy,
241 Eighth Street, N. E..
\VASHINGTON D. (1.,
Located at the National Capital, adjacent to all the
Executive Departments, gives me superior
advantage in the prosecution of Claims
against the United States.
INCREASE YOUR PENSION.
Many pensioners borne on the rolls are entitled
to a much higher rate of pension than they now
receive. lnagreat majority of cases in which
pension was granted for disease, the penSioner is
entitled to an increase of rate, and inmost cases
where it was granted for wounds or injuries the
disability increases each year. As tune passes the
disability of all classes naturally increases. Many
were at first. rated too low, and it often occurs
that pensioners are unjustly or erroneously re-
duced by examining surgeons. A pennioner is
entitled to increase on a disability not set forth in
his original declaration. The pension laws are
more liberal than formerly, and better rating can
be had for many disabilities. I make a specialty
of Neglected and Rejected Claims, and if you Will
present me wiih a brief statement of your case,
stating by whom it was presented, I W111 obtaura
rehearing of your case, and,if it has merit, will
procure a favorable settlement. Many claims
stand rejected before the- department, when it
only requires a competent attorney to make them
good eases. Soldiers sun‘m'mg 1mm d1§a0lltll€8
contracted in service, who have not applied for a
pension, should ([0 so as it is their RIGHT.
SOLDIERS OF THE MEXICAN WAR,
Who were in that, service sixty days, [or their
widows if not rc-inarried] are entitled to $8.00 per
month from J anuarv 29111, 1857. mm
For Sale or Exchange.
THE Homestead of the late Abijah Betta, situ-
ated at South Wilton, one mile from depot,
Dwelling has eleven rooms. good well of water
barn an 'I sheds, eighteen acres of land, abundance
of fruit. Will be sold at a bargain. Enquire of
0. E. WILSON, 3 GAZETTE Building, Norwalk, or
51 A " scour, \Vinnipauk, Conn. 214’
i
,
The “Record.”
The N orwalk Record
Is an established fact. Althoug
year old its circulation already averag
3,000 COPIES PER WEEK,
a fact which attestSits rapid rise and iirm hold on
the public favor. It aims to be clean and whole-
some, and presents all the legitimate news 111
readable, spicy and terse shape. Its subscription
price is suillciently low to enable anybody to have
it Without discarding any other of their favorite
Journals, and it prospers Without encroaching
upon the prosperity of any of its excellent and
esteemed local contemporaries, as IS shown by
the fact that it enjoys and appreciates the hearty
good will of all—the GAZETTE, Hour, Sentinel
Journal and Republican.
THE RECORD is sent to an
mall sum of
'15 0011130 1001‘; 31111110 11011100, 2 001118
Now is the Time to Subscribe
0!]
dress for th
SPECIAL TO FARMERS.
The Record
PUBLISHES EVERY SATURDAY THE
The New. .York Market Report
CORRECTED UP TO DATE.
“‘3,
PEARL’S
WHITE
GLYGERINE
Beautifies the Complexion; Purifies, Whit-
ens and Softens the Skin, eradicatin all im-
perfections such as Freckles, Moth atches,
Blackheads, Pimples, etc, without in-
jury, Cures Sunbiu‘n, Chopped and Chafed
Skin, instantly,
SOLD AT Dnueoisrs’ PRICE, 50 Cum-s.
000
P
\.\ 4.,
/,°ALL-\\
READING; one 6383?.
MANUFACTURED BY
EIG‘R THEM '
ROYAL STARCH CO.
new HAv§y_c_o_l§iN.
FIT Eon‘anlNGI
r r)‘
‘KNAPP‘S
BEER ..-.
EXTRACT
s ESPECIALLY DESIGNED FOR
HOME USE.
There is no inconvenience attending manna the
ex ense is a mere trifle compared with th luxury
of having a cool, delightful
SUMMER BEVERAGE
always in the house. 25-Cent bottles make
10 gallons. Price. 250.. 50c. and $1.2 .
DRUGGISTS AND GROCEBB.
LAM E321 EEIIIESS
DYES
Do Your Own Dyeing, at Home.
They will dye everything. They are sold every-
where. Price 100. a package. They have no equal
for Strength, Brightness, Amount in Packages
or for Fastness of Color. or non-fading Qualities.
They do not crock or smut; 40 colors. For sale by
J. G. Gregory & 00.; Quintard .t Son, ll Main
Street Geo 15. Plaisled. Druggists. ly2‘l
\“ This grape origi-
noted In the Green
early- color. green-
ishw lie; pulp, ten-
_ der, sweet and deli-
. cious. The only
' grape yet introduc-
ed that ranks first,
=5 both in earliuess
‘ arden
circular, giving further informnIIon. We also offer
a full assortment of other nursery‘stock.' Address
STEPB E [[0 Y1“ S so .\ S.
New Canaan, Conn.
GOLD man, PARIS, 1878-
W. BAKER & (3038
1110011001 00000;
Is absolutely pure and
it is soluble.
No Chemicals
are used in its preparation. It has more
than three times the strength of Cocoa.
mixed with Starch, Arrowroot or Sugar,
and is therefore for more economical,
' costing less than one cent a cup. It is
, . . delicious, nourishing, strengthening, EA-
: = SILY DIGESTED, and admirably adapted
fur invalids as well as persons in health.
Sold by Grocers everywhere.
6: 00., Dorchester, Mass.
,. Instant relief. Final cure in 10
1 days and never returns. No
f purge, no salve, no suppository.
Sufferers will learn of a simple
remedy FREE by addressing
Trim .2 00., 78 Nassau Street, New York City
A LL DRUGGIS’I‘S. 15744
INEIt l). RANDALL, Architect and Super
intendent.
. Plans and Specifications for all kinds of Build-
ings.
Artistic designs for Stairways, mantels, side-
boards, etc.
Framing or working plans for all kinds of build-
ings accurately made.
Oilice, Cor Main and Wall sts., Norwalk. Open
Wednesday and Saturday evenings.
Residence, Riverside avc., East Norwalk. lyl
To Widowed. Pensioners.
Y the act of June 7th, 1888, all widowed pen-
sioners, whose pensions commenced subse-
quent to June 30th, 1880. and the soldier husband
died prior to that date. are now allowed pensions
from date of said death, instead of from date of
widowis application as was heretofore the rule of
the Pension Uflice. Any such widowed pensioner
so entitled to arrearages, as above, can have her
claim adjusted and collected by addressing,
M. L. BYINGTON,
30 807 East Capital St, Washington, D. C.
FOR SALE.
THE \VOODBURY PLACE on Prospect
Ilill. 12 acres, Stone House, Barn, etc.
Orchard and Shade Trees. Superb vlew. Also
7 acres of. Building lots in rear. Address. JAMES
CLAvIN. 52 Connecticut Turnpike, Norwalk, (near
the place,) or, 0. E. WILSON. Gazette Building,
Norwalk, or, -J.iiins NEILSON. New Bi‘unSwick,
large Office Room in Rem.
N GAZETTE Building, second floor front,
formerly editorial rooms of the GAZETTE.
Enquire of
CHAS. OLMSTEAD. Norwalk.
For Sale.
COMBINATION Billiard and Pool Table, in
first-class condition, Everything eomplete.
For sale at a sacrifice. Apply at this office.
,: Another, a woman!
2811 I
HER ANSWER.
“Dear Nell, ‘tis good-by. your train‘s nearly due,
And here are your tickets, your wraps and the
keys.
With your check, and these roses—I gathereda
few
For your belt, little queen—and I hope they will
please.
“Ah! there is the whistle, dear!
please,
The answer I pleaded so hard for last night.
Say, Nell, for an answer send back one of these:
For yes, a red rose; for refusal, the white.”
Send to me,
A deep, heavy rumbling, a whistle‘s wild shriek,
A clashing and clanging, a red, glaring light.
Blue eyes flash an answer that lips will not speak;
A sweet summer dream has its ending to-night.
“I love her,“ he murmured, as standing alone
He peered thro‘ the darkness that snatched her
from light.
“I love him, of course.” Her roguish eyes shone.
“I’ll dip it in carmiue and send him the white.”
A watchman asleep, a switch that was turned,
A hundred poor souls to eternity swept!
Across magic wires the fatal news burned.
The heart of a village in agony wept.
A hundred brave hearts by sympathy sped.
Passed in night‘s silence through valley and
"lea,
And fought in the smoke of the wreck for the
dead,
With the fierceness of demons, the pity of men.
“Sly God! this is Neil!"
A white blossom crushed on the breast torn and
bruised,
The white rose-his answer—on which the blood
fell,
And painted the message her lips had refused.
-—Drake‘s Magazine
TilfiiOWini.
Reading in the papers the other day of the
arrest of the mate of the Rio steamer Fi-
nance for cruelty to three or four stowaways
who made their appearance after the vessel
was well on her voyage, has recalled vividly
an adventure I had when a boy of 14, and,
though I was a very liuziible individual my-
self, the particulars of that adventure stirred
the people of a great kingdom.
I know the sailor from topmost head to kel-
son, I have sailed in all sorts of crafts, With
all sorts of crews, and have served many
captains. I know that sailors are rough and
uncouth, and that there is always a disposi-
tion to find fault and to magnify evils. Jack
would have his growl, no matter how well
fed or how well used. On land there is acer-
tain antagonism between employer and em-
ployed. On ship board this is intensified, but
that is because the employer has so much
more power over the employed. I frankly
admit that I have never met half a dozen
sailors, no matter what sort of captain they
were serving under, who were without com-
plaints, but it does not follow that all the
others complained without reason. The ship
may be comfortable and full handed, the
fare all right and the captain a good man,
but the mates can still make the craft mighty
uncomfortable for the men. I venture to as-
sert that there are not half a dozen long voy-
age sailing crafts leaving our shores in which
abuses calling for loud growling do not ex-
ist, and What is true of America is true of all
other countries.
sinus and Lascars will stand ever work, poor
grub and the abuse of oflicers, and as much
for this reason as any other the Yankee sail-
or has been driven from the sea and his
place filled by these substitutes.
When I was 11 years old my mother died,
and my father decided to go to Australia. I
was his only child, and he was by no means
burdened with money. He was a master
plumber, and he set out for Sydney under
contract. Three months after our arrival he
married again, and it was not six weeks be-
fore my stepmother pushed me into the
street. I ‘was under sized and sickly, but I
never gave her the slightest cause for even a
harsh word. She simply took an aversion to
are, and somehow her hatred came to be re-
flected in my father. He saw me thrown out
on the world with hardly a protest, and two
days later when he met me in the street he
gave me about eight shillings in money and
advised me to set up as a bootblack and news-
boy. I should probably have followed his
suggestions had I not on that same day
chanced to fall in with two or three lads who
were planning to stow themselves away
aboard of an English brig called the Charles
H. Churchill. They were boys who had run
away from home or been thrown over like
myself, and the idea was that they could do
better in England. I was invited to join, and
when our plans had been laid there were four
of us of about the same age. “7e looked the
brig ever, found that we could get aboard,
and made our arrangements.
One night, when the brig was nearly ready
for sea, I stole aboard, cari‘yi.:.: with me
about two quarts of water and tour pounds
of bread and meat. This was the share I was
to furnish. I was to be first aboard, slip
dowu the midship hatch, and the others were
to follow at brief intervals. A fire on board
a ship a few hundred feet away collected the
‘ crew of the brig aft, and I got aboard with-
out risk. Thc hold was nearly full of bags,
barrels andboxes, and after waiting a few
minutes I made my way over these toward
the bow, and found a very comfortable place
on a lot of dry hides. I remained awake and
alert for two hours, and then fell asleep
without realiznig tlnit I was a bit sleepy. It
was morning when I awoke. and as the sail-
ors Wel‘O at work below I dared not move or
call out. I figured that my companions were
in hiding around me, and so rested easy
through the day, sleeping most of the time.
At about sundown I felt the ship under mo—
tion, and an hour later the hatches were
closed and I was in midnight darkness. I
had matches and a stub of candle, and, after
striking alight, I moved around and whistled
and called to my companions. I could make
my way over the freight pretty easily in any
direction, and I would not give up that I was
'alone until I had searched for a full hour.
Then I was positive that I was alone; the
others had either backed out or had been
bathed in their attempt to get aboard. I was
much upset at the discovery, and crawled
back to my bed and cried myself to sleep.
It had been agreed among us boys that we
should keep secreted three days after sailing.
None of us anticipated any trouble when We
should make our presence known. I had no
way of computing time, as it was night all
the time in the bold, but after my bread and
water had been used up and I was hungry
and thirsty, I decided that the three days
were up. Crawling to the cover of the hatch
I knocked on it and shouted, and after a little
it was opened and I was helped out. It was
9 o’clock on the morning of the fourth day.
The first word from the captain was a must»,
and his first act was to swing me about the
deck by the hair. Then he called for a rope
and beat me until I fainted away, and While
lying unconscious he and the first mate
kicked me several times. When I came to I
was ordered forward among the men. They
gave me kind words, satisfied my hunger and
thirst and hoped that the worst was over. It
was not, however. At about noon I was
called aft, and after the captain had interro-
gated me as to my identity and why I had
selected his vessel, he gave me another heat-
ing and turned me' over to the mate with the
words: ,
“You can have him now, and I hope you’ll
kill him before the week is out.”
“Aye, sir, leave that to me,” was the reply.
The Dutch, Swedes, BUS".
“I’ll find adozen ways to make him wish he’d
never been born.”
I had committed an offense, but nothing
deserving such punishment as I received. for
the next three days. I was flogged, kicked,
cuffed and maltreated in every way captain
and mate could think of, and was more than
once rendered insensiblo by their cruelty. I
heard the men cursing the officers for their
conduct, and encouraging each other to in-
terfere, but I was passive. Indeed, after a
beating or two, I was so harried that I could
scarcely remember my own name. On the
afternoon of the fourth day, soon after din-
ner, while I was forward with the watch
and assisting the shil maker to repair a sail,
the first mate called me aft. The wind was
light, and the seasmooth, and a few fathonis
astern of the brig was an enormous shark.
It had occurred to the two brutes to have
some fun with me. The mate noosed a rope
and passed it around my waist, and then,
while I struggled and shrieked and begged
for mercy, he carried me to the port quarter
and dropped me overboard for shark bait.
The shark made a rush for me, but I was
hauled up just in advance of his jaws. The
captain and mate laughed uproariously, and
the latter had picked me up to drop me from
the other quarter when the entire cre‘w came
running aft. I saw that much and then
fainted away, and what took place while I
was unconscious was never clearly related
to me.
The crew had determined to interfere, and
their action excited the captain and mate to
a. terrible degree. The former had a revolver
in his pocket, and when the crew refused to
go forward he fired at and wounded one of
them. This brought on a fight, in which both
officers and one of the sailors were killed. It
was rebellion—not mutiny. The sole idea of
the crew was to protect me from further
cruelty. In carrying this out murder Was
done and all were liable to the gallows. The
dead bodies were lying on deck when I re-
covered consciousness, while the men had
congregated in the waist of the brig for con-
sultation. The second mate, whose name was
Chapman, had sympathized with the crew,
although he had no hand in the fight. He
was now asked to take command of the brig
until it could be determined what should be
done, and he did so. The three dead men
were prepared for burial in the usual way,
and launched over the side Without service,
and an hour after the fight not a trace of it
was left.
When the question of what should be done
came up for discussion most of the men were
appalled at the seriousness of the case. It
was the first duty of the mate to set a signal
of distress, but, of course, nothing of the
sort was donz‘. Under the law he should
head for the nearest port and there surrender
brig and crew, but, of course, he had no
thought of this. While he had not incited
the crew to resistance, he had not come to
the aid of the officers. It would have been
easy to prove his sympathy for me, and that
would have made him the accessory of the
. crew. It was realized that all had outlawed
themselves, and the question was, where to
go, and what to do with the brig. It was
finally decided to haul up for the Solomon
Islands. The brig was bound home through
Torres strait, as she had two ports of call
to make before reaching the Cape of Good
Hope, and we were not more than 450 miles
out of Sydney when the murders occurred.
We therefore had a voyage of 1,500 miles be-
fore us.
For the first week men could not have be.
haved more sensibly. The discipline was
good, and all were under proper restraint.
We were sighting vessels daily, and on sev-
eral occasions we were passed so closely that
we had to signal our number and report all
well. On the third day a man-of-war exchang-
ed signals with us, and through some bung-
ling on our part his suspicions Seemed to
have been aroused, and he would have per-
haps boarded us had not a change in the
weather occurred. After about a week, how-
ever, the men began to get independent and
to bring forward new plans, and there was
no longer any harmony among the crew.
\Vhile Chapman was the only one who could
navigate a ship, and while he had been put
in charge of the brig, the men finally refused
to do any work beyond that of sailing the
craft. Some openly advocated that we turn
pirate, and others wanted to run into some
port and sell brig and cargo and divide the
money. This was booted at by the more in-
telligent, and gave rise to further ill feeling.
The brig bad light or contrary winds and
made slow progress, and at the end of two
weeks the situation on board could not have
been much worse. There were nine of us,
including the cook, a black man, and each
man:of them seemed determined to do as be
pleased. All messed in the cabin, and all
had access to the liquor, and as a conse-
quence fights frequently occurred, and there
were times when the brig had close shaves
from being made a wreck. On one occasion
the men charged the mate with playing
them false, and with planning to deliver
them up to justice, but he somehow satisfied
them that he was holding to the course orig-
inally agreed upon, and he was honest in
what he said. After a run of some twenty-five
days he announced that we were approach-
ing the Solomon Islands, and the men at
once made ready to carry out their further
plans.
One hundred miles southwest of Sun Chris—
toval, which is the easternmost island in the
group, is a smaller group called the Little
Solomons. It was this group we were up
preaching, and at that date no white man
had set foot upon them. They were inhabited
by fierce and bloodthirsty natives, who com-
bined piracy, wrecking and fishing, and the
mate was for making for the other group.
He was overruled in this, and when the brig
had hauled in until the land could be seen
from the deck the long boat was got over
and loaded The men intended to play the
part of castaways, and had a story all fixed
up. They erased the name of the boat, and
took nothing aboard which would betray the
identity of the brig, which they meant to
scuttle. At noon, after working all the
morning, they had loaded the boat with
whatever suited them, divided up the sum of .
81,250 found on board, and were ready to ‘
bore holes in the brig’s bottom.
For two days I had been ill of fever and
confined to my bunk. I knew from the con-
versation around me what was going on, and
at noon, when one of the men brought me a
cup of gruel, he said we should soon be off.
Half an hour later the brig became so quiet
that I grew afraid, and with great effort
crawled on deck. The long boat was a mile
away, with every man in it. About four
miles to the west, coming up under a light
breeze, was a British man-of-war. All sail
had been taken off the brig, so that she was
simply drifting. It was the sight of the man-
of-war which had hurried our crew off so
suddenly. In about an hour she came up,
and, after a crew had been put aboard both
vessels, stood in and came to anchor in a bay,
and then boats were sent out for the muti-
neers. Not even a sight of them was ever
obtained. Ten years later it was known that
they made a landing on one of the small
islands, were secreted by the natives until the
ship sailed, and every one of them was then
knocked on the head for the sake of the
plunder.
I was taken back to Sydney, and later on to
England, and as I was the only survivor my
story was told and retold in the courts and
press until the whole world had the details.—
New "York Sun.
Whiskers.
What is there that is so tremendously funny
about the word whiskers? Instances where
the use of it will not raise a laugh are hard to
find. Hard as the fact may be to explain, it
is nevertheless true that jokes in which whis-
kers, or reference to them, no matter how
irrelevantly made, excite more merrinient
than any other form of witticism under the
sun. A, let us say, who is smooth shaven,
meets B, who rejoices in a flowing set of jowl
trimmings. “Ha,” says A, “you’re looking
pretty line this morning, B; Whiskers are
well, I see.” ‘Whereupon A laughs uproari-
ously and strides off leaving B sure that a
good thing has been said, but slightly mysti-
fied as to its general purport. In the theatre
the word is indispensable to the low come-
iaii. In a play I witnessed some little time
ago one of the comedians walked on the stage
wearing a long set of gray whiskers. “Golly,”
cried the second comedian, who was standing
near by, “what a chance for the wind!”
l'v'hereat the parquet tittered, the balcony
laughed and the gallery howled itself into
fits. For the boarding house funny man to
remark that “the butter has whiskers on! it”
is to insure him a round of applause from his
friends at the table, while if he makes the
observation that the tardy dude of the estab-
lishment, who is late for dinner, is “combing
his whiskers,” his reputation as a wit will be
firml y established for all time. It is all very
wonderful, but very mysterious. Perhaps,
in order to understand the full amount of
humor contained in a reference to whiskers
it is necessary to wear them. It is almost
worth while raising a set to find it out.—Chi—
cago Journal.
An Alleged “’liim of Society Girls.
It is nothing new for society girls to imi-
tate the tricks of facial expression and head
pose of dramatic stars. Everybody has ob-
served that the fair ones are not above this
folly. They have not sat hours in a theatre
during the season for nothing. They have
not been students of the stage beauty without
consciously or unconsciously adapting to
their own personalities many acharacteristic
for the increasing of their own attraction.
Ah, what countless new airs and graces, as
well as new costumes, the Boston society
young woman takes off with her for the
summer’s campaign at Newport or at Bar
Harborl Never yet has it quite been recog-
nized what universal models, what potent
teachers of pretty tricks of coquetry that en-
slave. or are supposed to enslave, the mascu-
line heart, these actresses are. Who has not
seen at every swell ball or reception some
stately Mary Anderson, some black eyed,
Frenchified Mlle. Rhea? And now who is
this new little lady whose quaint, whimsical
jerk of the head is all the fashion? Julia
Marlowenvithout doubt. —Boston Advertiser.
To Tell a Liar.
But how to tell a. liar is often perplexing,
indeed I never knew but one infallible rule
for the detect-ion of such. That was the plan
employed by an aged Hibernian, whose boys
attended the country school where in boy-
hood I imbibed knowledge, or at least was
supposed to. In the quarrels and fights inci-
dent to school life it fell out frequently that
the sons of Pat Carey were drubbed, or
drubbed their opponents. When the former
occurrence occurred it was the habit of Mr.
Carey to bring his outraged offspring to the
domiciles of us boys, and there proclaim our
wickedness. In those visits he was wont to
rely on the stories of his sons, stories which
were directly opposed to those with which
we justified ourselves to our parents. At
such times it was Mr. Carey’s habit to sup-
pert the testimony of his children thus:
“Thomas, put out your tongue; of you’ve
been lyin’ to yer father yer tongue 711 be
black.”
W'hereupon Thomas would exhibit his
tongue, and as it disclosed no ebon hue, Pat
considered his cause triumphant—C. C. Pack-
ard in Toledo Journal.
An Unlucky Gymnast.
In 1856 New York city was the theatre of
another neck breaking episode in which the
patient recovered. At one of the many gym-
nasiums one Thomas Chalmers tried the diffi-
cult feat of turning three summersaults in
mid—air from a spring board. .
He made two complete revolutions, but fell
heavily on his head and shoulders before the
third was completed, doubling his head under
his shoulders in such a way as to split the
third cervical vertebra and cause thefourth
and second to touch each other after the
third had been split and forced to either side.
The usual restoratives were resorted to,
bandages were applied, and in less than an
hour Chalmers was able to speak. W'ithin
seven weeks he could be turned in bed with-
out endangering his life, and in less than
three months was so far recovered as to be
able to sit up two hours Without fatigue. At
the end of six months he was discharged as
cured, and within 200 days from the time of
the accident resumed his usual work—John
IV. lVright in St. Louis Republic.
A Puzzled Celt.
A class in a San Francisco art school was
recently started by the sudden appearance in
its midst of a. dilapidated Irishman, who,
with tears in his eyes, begged for enough
money to get him a “bite.” The first ini-
pulse of the presiding genius was to request
him to move on, but his picturesque qualities
suggested that he be given a chance to earn
his Supper by sitting as a model.
“Sit down,” said the instructor, kindly.
“If you will permit these young ladies to
paint you, we will pay you four hits. 'What
do you say?”
“Av oi’ll let ’em wh-at?” replied the beg-
gar, with a puzzled look on his face.
“Paint you. Paint you. It won’t take
very long. ”
“Bedad, oi want th’ foor bits bad enough,”
he returned, after a moment’s reflection, “an’
0171] be viry gla-ad t’ let th’ young la—adies
paint ine, av ye-‘ll tell me how’ll oi git th’
aint arf av me afterwar—rds.”—Harper’s
-Iagazine.
Sir W’alter Scott’s Street Fights.
Street fights of the “upper ten” boys with
the town boys helped Scott “after long
years” out of a troublesome conversational
embarrassment with the Czar Alexander in
Paris in 1815. The czar, seeing Scott in his
blue and red dress of the Selkirkshire lieu-
tenaney, and noticing his lameness, asked
Scott in what engagement he had been
rounded. Scott at first said that he suf-
fered from a natural infirmity, but as this
did not satisfy the czar, Scott added that he
had been engaged “in some slight actions— _
such as the battle of the Cross Causeway and
the affair of Moredun Mill”—and then
managed to turn the conversation to some
other subject. —Notes and Queries.
Discovery of America. .
An historical burlesquer has it that the
king of Spain once said to a distinguished
navigator, “Columbus, can you discover
America?”
“Certainly, your majesty, if you will give
meaship.” He got the ship, he sailed far
off and one day came to land. Hailing a
chief on shore he asked:
“Is this America?”
“Yes; who are you?”
“I am Columbus.”
“Of course.” Then turning to his tribe he
said: “There is no use denying-it; we are dis-
cover .”—Excliange.
Norwalk Chronicler