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~ NORW
"ESTABLISHED 1800
Volume LXXXIX.
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ALEX. S. GIBSON,
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No. 241 EIGII'I‘II STREET, N. E.,
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F. W. JAQUI. .III.,
DEALER 1N
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Also agent for the Economy
unit & Wsnu Aiir Souniuririou HEATER
kinds of Ornamental and Main slateiiig, 'l‘lu
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Opposite Horse Railway Depot. A good he now
in stock of
Potter, Chamber. Dining and Kitchen
FURNI 1'01”}
Delivered at your home Without extra extreme.
C .
Guide to inventors trialled Free
Jonathan entitle Continent
By Max O'Rell. Author of "John Bull and
His Island.” "John Bull. Jo,
Etc." an_r_i__ £a_°k_ Allyn.
[Translated by Mme. Paul Biouet. Copyrighted
by Cam-ll & in. New York. and published by
spa-lat arrangement through the American Press
Aamclntion Paul Blouet (Max O‘Rciiiis a re
mnrknoly clever Frenchnmn. who has devoted
his talents mostly to untirizing the Anglo—Saxon
race The book from which the following ex-
tracts are made In hin laws! production. and ma-
wrisl ilor It was gathered during his nxent visit
townerlcad ’
CHAPTER XXIII.
The Americans are Christians—that is to
say. they attend church on Sundays. Like
other Chi-Minus, they attend to business on
week days. 4
In America, religion is served up with
5 . sauces to suit nllpdato‘. Independently of
tho Catholic religion. there are 139 difleronir
religious sects England.” only 185.
Every good preacher draws a full congre-
gation, no matter to which sect he belongs.
Tho church in itself is. gotcha attraction, and
the minister has no othor‘influenco over the
people than that which he exercises by his
oratoricai talents. A religious or moral
lecture is as popular as a. literary lecture, a
concert, or n play.
An American will go and listen to the
minister dwo sect differing from his own.
rather than sit and be bored by n tiresome
preacher belonging to his own denomination.
He will rather go to hear Dr. McGlynn. tho
excommunicated Roman Catholic priest, or
Dr. Felix Adler, tho eloquent agnostic; ro-
iigious as ho is, he will sometimes regret that
Col. Ingersolidoos not. appear in public on
Sundays any longer; Protestant as ho is,
he has no scrapie about going to hear a
.nusical mass in the Catholic cathedral; in
fact, you can see him everywhere except in the
churches whore dullness prevails and the
mind waits in vain for fresh nourishment.
Tho churches mlvcrtiso a preacher in the
newspapers as the theatres advertise a “star."
in default of a good preacher other nttruc~
Lions are put forward to draw the pubirc.
Plow resist the two following appeals, posted
at tho (loorsof 3 New York and a Chicago
church! I copied them word for word with
great: care:
Musical Evangcists.
Solos;
Short sermons:
The place to be happy and saved.
Walk in. indies and gentlemen. walk in.
The other, more seductive still, was worded
thus:
No reason for not coming!
Free seats:
Cheerful services:
Books supplied to the congregation.
Religious sects multiply ovary day.
doctrine is too absurd to make pi‘oselytss.
The latest religious invention in America
is Esotci-ism, which promises immortality to
its followers—immortality, that’s all: The
doctrine of the Esoteristc teaches that, if man
were really pure, and followed the precepts
of the Gospel to the letter. he would become
immortal. not in Paradise, on! here below.
As it i; probable that no Christian ever yet
succeeded in following minutely the precepts
of the Gospel, the Esoterists may be right.
To live forever, say they, you have only to
remain virtuous, even in themarriod state.
Cclibacy must boombraced. Celibacy pure
and simple, however, is not sufficient, for
where there is no struggle there, is no victory.
Devotees must therefore marry, but in all
honor remain oelibatos. If you succeed in
mastering your passions. no malady will at-
tack you. and you will become immortal.
“But," you will probably say, “do the
Esoterists never die t’"
Yes, they die—once: but, according to
them, this does not prove the fallacy of their
belief. If they die, it simply proves that
they have failed to attain the necessary de-
gree of perfection
Now the Esoterists are safe to continue
with us. for either they will arrive at perfec-
tion and become immortal. or they will fall
away from grace and will have children to
swell their ranks. The head of this sect.
which is as yet only about two years old,
ciainui that when the Esoterists attain perfec-
tion, not only will they be immortal. but
they will have a clear insight into the future,
a gift which will enable them to amass great
riches. And, indeed, the utility of such an
accomplishment on the stock exchange, for
instance, must be apparent at a glance.
Another sect pretends to be able to care
all disease by faith. The faith of these fount-
ics is not shaken by the death of their pa-
tients. “If they had had more faith they
would have recovered.” “-
During my stay in America, a well known
evangelist published a volume of sermons
with the following preface: “God has been
kind enough to own the words when I spoke
them. I hope He will give His blivingtotho
book, now that; the same words appear in
print.”
Many books are published in Franco with
the remark, “A work approved of by Mgr.
the Archbishop of X." A volume, advertised
as having been owned and blessed by the Lord
himself, ought to‘havo a wide sale.
A truly edifying sight is that of the noisy,
dirty, blasphoming crowd, collected on a.
Sunday evening outside Madison Square Gar-
den, New York, on the eve of a “six days'
goes-you-pleasc walking match." From 6 or
7 in the evening, there is a betting, swearing
match outside the gates. But the walking
only begins at one minute past midnight.
Not to take the name of God in vain, the
English have invented many ouphcmisins'.
some men, imagining, I suppose. that the
Deity takes no cognizance of any language
but English, venture so far as to say Mon
Dion or Mein Gott.
At this kind of thing the Americans are as
clover-as the English. They have invented
Great Scotti
Something admirable in all the mainte-
lijious sects of America Is their national
character.
When I hearit said that religion is the
sworn enemy of progresscspeciully of I‘D-
publican institutions. 1 turn to America and
say to myself: “This is not true."
There is no minister of religion, from the
archbishops down to the most uuiettcied
preachers of all the small isms, who would
dare totell his congregation that liberty is
not the most precious, the most sacred of
their possessions, and thattho republic i..- not
the most admirable—tho only possible—form
of government for America.
In France there is much indifference on the
subject of religion; butugreat deal of in-
credulity is affected to satisfy a political bias.
I am certain that if, in France, you searched
into the hearts of the people, you would find
there much less atheism than in many other
countries. Religious belief seems to be the
appanage of tho roynlist‘party, and other
people think they make a show of republi-
canism by throwing over the belief of the
royalists. The religious man is rather looked
upon as a political enemy than as a religious
antagonist... This is the true explanation of
much apparent agnosticism in France. It
must also be remarked that plenty of royal-
ists only affect piety and go regularly to
church as a protest against rcpublicanism,
and that many republicans may be excused
for taking this display of religion for an act
of hostility towards their pet institutions.
This state of things is deplorable. Both
sides are to blame for it.
In England and America, whero the form
of government is questioned by no one, ro-
Iigion does not clash with progress and lib-
erty, but lives with democracy in peace and
harmony, as becomes a faith whose grand
precept is: “Love yo one another.”
No
CHAPTER XXIV.
I one day asked one of tho clover-est ladies
of New York whether she had met CoL In-
get-soil. .
“No,” she answered, “I never met him and
do not wish to make his acquaintance."
“May task why?" I said; ‘
She replied: “Simply because I am told
that it is impossible to know him without ed-
miring and lqying him.”
“Well?”
“Well, I don’t want to admire or love
him.”
I had the honor of making his acquaint-
ance, and, like all those who have approached
and known him, I soon admired him.
He is one of the greatest figures of his ‘
great country. In a. book on contemporary
America one must needs speak of this cele—
brated advocate. Ho is a personality apart
He has little in common with the rest of his
enema with“)? 0’ Soloed-
l Onco‘inoro I my it: in this book of jottings
I I do not sit in judgment. I merely describe
. impressions. It is not necessary to indorso a.
man's theories in order to enjoy his society,
and this is especially true in the case of Col. ,
l Ingersoll, who is many sided in his powers,
I and who charms theologians and agnostics
aliko when the subjecto‘t’ religion is not to
l tho fore.
; Col. now-e Ingorsoll is a man of about 60,
I six feet high and strongly built, a. colossus
I physically and intellectually. - The eyes
I sparkle with wit and beam with the enjoy-
' meat of life; the mouth is humorous and
smiling; the head large and well planted on
broad shoulders: the face shuvcn, the brain
bristling with humanitarian thoughts: on man
with the heart of a lion to fight the battles of
life, but the heart of a. woman in presence of
human suffering. '
He has substitutm for the love of religion,
the religion of love and of the family. , c-
L-ordlng to him religion should have but filo .
aim—to teach us now to be happy in this liio.
lie i.,.ests with Lin-ist: “Love on: another;
do not to others what you would not have
, others do to you." And he adds: "A God
that is r'cproSenterI as weaving Webs to catch
the souls of man whom he has created is not
adorable." As to a future life, the colonel
does not commit himself. He says: "Wade
not know. we cannot tell whether death isr'n
door or a wall. a spreading of pinions to strait or
the folding of wings forever." In the eyes of
most pious people, his theories are abomina-
bio, and he is the Antichrist. but the Ameri-
cans are unanimous In admitting his extra-
ordinary tuicuts, and among; the dear friends:
of the colonel and his family are many Pres
bytei'iuns, some of them ministers. -
Antichrist if you will-that is, if you can
imagine such a personage endowed with
every moral and intellectual faculty.
[n his presence men feel themselves small,
and women put their hands over their eyes,
being careful to keep the fingers well apart.
A decidedly dangerous Antichrist. this.
Mr. lngersoli‘s religion is the religion of
humanity. He Says: "Happiness is the only
good. the time to be happy is now, and the
way to be happy is to make others so." Live
to do good, to love and he beloved by those
around, and then lie down and sleep with the
conscioumioss of having done your duty to
men. Do .not ask pardon of God for on in-
jury (louo to man. Ask pardon of the man
and make reparation to him for your offense.
“I rob Smith.“ exclaims Mr. Ingersoll in
the ironicai language he is such a master of :
"God forgives me. How does that help
Smith 4“ _ _
He maintains that the Christian religion
teaches less the love of an infinitely just and
merciful God than the fear of a demon thirst-
ing for human victims. This charge is borne
out by a proverb used by the Scot, who Is a
student of human nature:
"If the deli were deed, God wad on be
served so wool."
Tho colonel maintains that if man has
had hands given him to feel, eyes to see, cars
to hour. he has also a brain to think, a. heart
to love and intelligence to reason with.
He does not attack so much the Catholic
religion, which rests on faith, for a religion
which rests purely on faith is not a matter
for reasoning and argument. But be rather
uttacksa Protestantism which prides itself
upon resting on reason as well as on faith.
Tho theories of Col. Ingc-i'soll are the na-
tural outcome of the introduction of reason-
ing into religious matters.
Things which are felt only cannot bodis
cussed; things which are incomprehensible
are not matter for explanation. '
Protestantism is a mixture of faith and
reason, agreeing pretty badly together, it
must be confessed. Tito Protestant takes the
Bible for a book every word of which is in-
spired of God. He interprets itin his own
fashion, and proves out of it: every doctrine
he requires to found a new sect. The very
drimkurd is not at to loss to find an excuse for
hisdi'inkizig‘, and turning to Isaiah ilxv, 13)
comforts himself with: “Behold, my ‘sei'vant
shall drink."
As he looks on at tho Protestants squah
bling over the signification of biblical pas-
sages, the colonel laughiugly says: “It is to
be regretted that your deity did not express
himself more clearly.”
Needless to say that lie looks upon the
Bible not as uninspired book, but as a collec-
tion of Iitcraturcs something akin to the
“Arabian Nights,“ and this is what makes
discussion with him difficult, if not out of
question. How is it possible to imagine a
discussion between faith and reason!
George Sand said that the fanatic loved
God to the exclusion of man. The theories
of Col. Ingersoli, lofty and noble as most of
them are, verge upon fanaticism in the sense
that they teach the love of mankind to the
exclusion of Him who so loved man. The
colonel robs the poor and sorrowiug of that
which helps them to endure their ills, a belief
in a. better world to come.
Son of a Protestant minister, Robert Inger-
soll early showed special aptitude for the dis-
cussion of theological questions. By the age
16, he had thoroughly studied the Old Testu
ment, and would reason upon it. like a doctor
of divinity. Tho father in vain drew Robert’s
attention to the beauties of the Bible: the
son could see little in it but absurdities and
inconsistencies. The old minister was heard
to say: “It grioves-rno to hear my Robbie
talk so, but I declare he is too much for me:
I cannot answer him."
Who can answer Ingersolif is nquestion
often asked. Apparently not the ministers
of the hundreds of different Protestant sects
that flourish in America; not Mr. Gladstone.
student of the Bible and profound rcnsoucr
though he be.
For more than a year, tho president of the
Nineteenth Century club of New York was
trying to get a Protestant minister to break
a lance. with this redoubtuhio agnostic in
public, but without'uvaii. Not one felt equal
» to the task.
That. which makes this man so formidable
is not so much his eloquence, his quick repur-
tec. his sarcasm, his pathos, his humor, it is
abovo all the life he leads, the example he
sets ofull the domestic virtues. One must
have the privrlego of knowing him intimately.
of penetrating into that sanctuary of conju-
gal happiness, his home, before one can form
an idea. of the respect that he must inspire
oven in those who abhor his doctrines. I-Iis'
houso is the home of the purest joys; it holds
four hearts that beat as one.
Mr. Ingcrsoll lives in one of the handsome
houses on Fifth avenue. His family consists
of his wife and two lovely daughters, Athens
and Venice, as an American whom I met at
CoL Ingersull’s used to call them. Indeed
one reminds you of the beautiful creations ol’
Titian. The other seems like a mythological
vision, a. nymph from the banks of Eryman-
thus. As you look at her, while she speaks
to you with her eyes modestly iow'erod, al-
most seeming to apologize for being so lovely,
you involuntarily think of “Le qune Mn-
Iado” of Andre Chenicr, that last of the
Greek poets, as Edmond About called him.
Authors, artists. Journalists, members of
tho thinkingworld of New York may be met
at the colonei's charming Sunday evenings.
About it at night. when all but the intimate
friends of the family have left, these latter
draw around their host. and entice him to
talk upon one of his favorite subjects, poetry,
music. or may be the “Mistakes of Masts,"
while they listen with avidity. He. knows
his Shakespeare as thoroughly as the Bible,
only he speaks of him with for more respect
and admiration. , Ho adores Wagner, whom
he sets even nbovo Beethoven I mention
this to prove once more that we have all our
little faults, and that Col. Ingersoli, in com-
mm with his fellow mortals, is not perfect.
BctWeeu midnight and i in the morning, the
hurt Visitors reluctantly depart. 0n the way
home. you think of all the witty things that
b‘iI/e been said. the moons of satire that
have been shot at hypocrisy and humbug,
the eimobling humanitarian opinions that
have been ndvancednhd though you may
not feel converted. or diverted. or perverted
to lngorsollism. you are sure to leave that
house feeling fuller of mid will toward all
men. and saying to mil “What a de-
lightful evening I have posted?
I was present one evening at a meeting of
the Nineteenth-Century club to hear a dis-
cussion on "The Poetry of the Funiro." CoL
lngersoli was-to have taken part. in it. but,
being retained professionally at Washington,
he was obliged to excuse him-self at the
eleventh hour The president immediately
telegraphed to a web known minister asking
' him to take the eoionei's place
"I distinctly decline to take Col, Ingersoll‘s
1 place in this world,or the next." exclaimed I
‘= the recipient of-tho telegram as soon as he
hid find It. " The reverend gentleman never-
. theleia tool: part in the evening’s debate. and
when he repentai his repartee to the audi-
ence was greeted withrbonrty laughter and
applause. ' ‘
, CHAPTER xxv.
I had just returned from America, and
was sitting in the smoking room of the North
“(cistern I-lotei. Liverpool.
Atlantic voyage, while admiring St. George‘s
hall, which stands opposite This iiiagnifi-
cent building. which servos as a palace of juSr
tice, is m.- Iiiiest modem edifice of the Eu-
glish provinces.
Altai. uni-e we heard a blast of trumpets
A crowd rushed toward the hull. and lined
the flight of steps lemiing to the grand en-
trance -. Heraiiisand Int-keys. all boiiizenod
with scarlet and gold. presently descended
the steps. followed by poiiee officers. Sev
‘ei'alearringes thcniirove up From one of
them there ulighted a man arrayed in a seat--
let robennd ermine tippet and wearing a pow
demi wig The scarlet. robe. followed by
the mrtege which had formed. solemnly
mounted the steps between the crowd. which
Mid gazing with open mouthed and wide
eyed admiration. ~
"f‘Whut'show is there going en oppositel"
that so distinguishes the Yankee.
He was an “iiiiiiwent abroad. "
“My dear air." I said to him. “it is simply
Injurigc goiiig‘to try-a thief or two England
horrors her criminals'with a great deal of
parade. as yougseo.” ,
..~_~.My American was silent for a few minutes.
He was probably adding up the salaries of
the judgepthc [milea- officers. heralds and
ushers. the lawyers“ fees. the ctrst of the
building. carriages and show generally. and
no doubt comparing the mm! with the pound
or tWo stillell from his employers by udis-
bottom. clerk. for whom all this grand repro-
sentution was taking place
Nothing is more siiiipie than an American
court of justice. Pour walls innocent of dec-
oration of any kind. a few plain chairs or
benches. No uniforms. no robes. no wigs. no
trumpets. no livericd ushers. The judge and
the barristers are in black frock create. The
ushers not quite so well dressed as the barrio
tors (in a ruler. and that is all.
In France, we pay a legion. a host rather,
of judges and police officers, to look after
our security. and never should we dream of
helping them in the exercise of their func-
tions. If a crime remain wrapped in mys-
tery. we say to ourselvw: “I pay the police;
it is for them to discover the criminal. it is
not my business. and, besides, the profession
of detective is not in my line or to my taste.“
It is not the same in the United States.
There public safety concerns every one.
The population of a town feel dishonored
by tho perpeti'ation of a crime in their midst.
Every one is on the alert to catch the crim-
inal. men organize themselves into bands to
search the country round. Ari assassin is
tracked in the woods with bloodhounds and
guns. like a wild beast. if he is discov-
ered and offers a very obstinate resistance, n.
'. bullet is lodged in his body, and the hunters
go trunquiliy home again.
Something which is much to be blamed, I
think. is the prix‘rastinntion of American
justice. By going the right way to work, a
condemned criminal may often succeed in
getting his case to be tried again and again.
In car-res of murder, what good can it do to
keep a poor wretch, that it hidocided to hang,
in prison fora year or moral It. hi adding
torture to death penalty.
If that were only all
Jonathan is such a philanthropist that he
with difficulty makes up his mind to execute
a fellow creature even legally So, when he
has kept a year in prison a criminal, whom
he is at last forced to hang. he leads him to‘
the scaffold. puts a rope round his neck,
jerks him up in the air. and manages to take
twelve or sixteen minutes dispatching him.
This is philanthropy with a vengeance, and
it is to be hoped that execution by electricity,
which has just been adopted by the governor
of New York state. will put an end to such
sickening prowecdings.
it is to be hoped also that the Americans
will sortie day do better than that. l. for my
part, do not doubt that they will abolish
death sentences. before very long They are
too intelligent not to understand that the
death sentence deters no criminal. and this
for a very simple reason A crime is min-
mitted under the impulse of passion. or it has
been premeditated In the first case. the
criminal never think: of the punishment to
come. he is blinded by passion. in the second,
he always believes he has pictured his crime
in such a manner as not to be found out.
To lighten this rather lngubrious subject, I
will terminate with a little anecdote, which
has never seen the light. and which i think is
too delightfully humorous and pathetic to be
allowed to remain unpublished.
The scene was the smoking room of the
Savage club in London.
A notorious criminal had been hanged in
the morning Several members of the club
were talking of the affair. and each one do—
scrihed what his feelings would be if he were
led to the scaffold to be hanged.
During this conversation an actor, well
known, but to whom managers, I scarcely
know why. never iiitrust any but secondary
parts. sat silent in an arm chair. sending up
long puffs of smoke soaring to the ceiling
“Benn. there is N., who has not’giveii bin
opinion,“ said one of tb a group, suddenly iro-
tichig the actor. “i sa'I. N., tell us how 5' )1!
Would feel if you were being led to the SUP."
fold."
The actor raised his eyes to the ceiling and,
after another pulI‘ at Its cigar. said quietly:
"Well. boys. I should feel that at last i was
trusted with a leading tart.“
CHAPTER XXVI.
Lynch law is a summary justice which. In
several of the states, is constantly being
dealt out to criminals who, either from the
insufficiency of the ordinary laws. or because
of the absence of a judicial authority in the
neighborhood. might wraps punishment.
Not the tent. semblance of a trial or even
of exariiiiiution, use rule. the populace has
taken it into its head that a certain indi-
vidual is guilty of a crinio. that suffices. ho
Ismrright out. torn from his family. led to the
spot fixed upon for his execution, and there,
without questioning or shrift. he is hanged.
burned or shot, according to the fancy of his
exoi-utioiiers. Sometimes the criminal is in
prison, but the process of the law is slow and
uncertain. and the people fear that be may
escape justice Again. there may be a chance
of the iiiulefuemr convincing the jury that
he is ointment. this does not suit the humor
of the enraged populace They attack the
prison, and demand that their prey be do-
Iivered over to them
prison refuses. the doors are burst open.
and the prisoner is seized and forthwith led
to execution.
It is to be hoped, for the credit of Amer.
icon civilization. that this blot will soon be
removed.
Lynch law has its humors. as the western-
ers express it in the cynical language which
is so natural in them it is when there has
been a iiiistuke made—in the victim. and the
Whole thing has to be gone over again. be
cause the wrong man has been lynched
Again I leave an Aiirerieun newspaper. The
Chicago Herald. to speak
“The little town of St. Helens isin afar-
ment A party of [yin-hers entered it. this
morning. and went straight to the house of
Mrs, Williams to apprise her that her hus-
band had been lynched by mistake during
the night After having expremed their re
grets, the men left to go in search of the real
culprit. We do not attempt to describe the
anguish of the poor woman. It is feared that
she will lose her remain."
This took place in the year of disgrace 1888.
In the days of the "gold fever"-in Cali-
fornia San Francisco was overrun by scouri-
dreiisrn of the most virulent typo. 'I‘wioo
was the infant city reduced to ushesby in-
cendiary hands Then the leading citizens
rose in their wrath, banded themselves to-
gether in the nature of the "Vigilance Com-
mittee," and soon from every available lamp
post dangled the body of a rutlian. By such
treatment was the city purged of crime and
the reign of law and order for the first time
established.
CHAPTER XXVI].
As I have said elsewhere, each state of the
Union makes its own laws The result is
, that a thing which is legal in one state is not
i necessarily legal in the others.
- The mom. curious. and those which differ
are the laws upon marriage and di-
most.
‘ route.
I was chatting .
with an American fellow passenger on tho '
asked the American, in the easy going tone
’ is
If the governor of tho ,
'1: ii: Iseasiy to get. married iii the .‘Ufnited
States, it is still mu my to get unmarried.
In the state of New York. for instance, if
you go to a haul withn woman, and put
down “Mr So m 80 and Wife" on the regis‘
tor, the law looks upon you as .iegahy mar-
ried to that woman, but the mart-m not
recognized as valid In 'qmié’ other m To, "
obtain ndivorco in thosm “("NBW“"YOYH|
you must prove infidelity 'ou the part of your
wife. but just across the Hudson, In tho
state of New Jersoyajp 33 to, 2e? , ' red on a
proof of cruelty (if ‘Iht'ofiipu ibllfil’ 'char-
acter. If this is not easy enough for you,
take the train to Chicago. where divorce is
tobohadfortho ‘v as , . *-
Tbo court of ammflicfiowm by
the Americans “the divorce mill," decided; :
681 cases during the year 1887. ‘ ’
This institution isr just as flourishing in'rtho
state of Indiana as iii—Illinois. Thee-stoma
jokingly pretend that. as the trains roll Intro- “
the capital of Indiana. the piirtors crybu't,
«Indianapolis. my'rim firm”,
so that couples who may a". fat out all";
the journey can part. company for good.
Doesthohi-bnodmoroorchow. bu hon "'7
disagreeable,- breath. or n clam manner of
kissing hiiflilfoi _ that lady wear Inky,
hair or teeth. give her tongue too free play,
or habitually take up the newspaper as noon "
as Ian-husband shows signs of dropping into ,,
ineht'i All mono ofl‘on‘hehhifissrious once
before the aforesaid tribunals. .
Without troubling to go and settle in Utah,
on American may set up a harem of legiti-
mate wives. Each lawful spouse might be a
eoncubino outside the state she was married
in, but by carefully studying the laws of the
different states J onuthan could, if be pleased,
indulge in polygamy without fear of being
prosecuted for in ‘
I have read in American papers divorce
cases that were really most comic.
When a will has to be administered mat-
ters often become very mixed up. as you may
easily imagine. Who are the legitimate
children!
Of course all those confusions make work
for the men of law, who naturally think
American legislation the finest. in the world.
The city of Chicago alone pomessea seven-
teen hundred and sixtyeight lawyers, all
thriving.
What a capital subject for an opera boufi’e
might be got from some of those Chicago di-
vorce unseat What merry quid-proouosl
What amusing menus! Choruses of lawyers
choruses of lawful wives, with the refrain:
"We are Mr: Jonathan. trn lat“
“DAPI’EN va DAI’PEN."
I extracted from a Chicago paper the fol-
lowing evidence, full of originality and
humor. The plaintiff is at the bar, being
exuniinod:
"What is your husband's occupation?"
asked the counseL
“Habitual drunkenness. sir,”
Dappcn.
“1 refer to your husband‘s profession.“
"He made cigars."
"Good cigars!"
“Occasionally."
Here counsel drew a cigar from his pocket.
“This, your honor, is one of the defendant’s
cigars.“
“Mark it ‘Exhibit A,’ " said the judge.
“Ilud Mr Duppeii any other profession :”
continued the lawyer.
“Not to my knowledge," said Mr. Dappcn’s
wife. .
“Never practiced on a dentist?”
“Not professionally."
“Now. Mrs happen, on your oath. did not:
your husband extract six of your teeth I”
Mrs happen looked timidiy around. Mr.
Dapper: being evidently out of hearing, she
whispered. “He did. "
“Did he administer goo,0r other. or any
anaesthetic i"
“No. sir.”
“Did he extract the teeth one after the
other?”
“He extracted them all together.”
“Had your husband any license to practice
as a dentist t"
“I never heard of in He used to say: ‘I
will allow you a dollar a day Bring me the
accounts ovary week. and if I over find 1:.
cent missing I will knock your teeth out.’ ”
"Did he find any deficit in your accounts?”
“One Saturday night I could not balance
the books. I was lb‘ cents short. Without a
word my husband struck me in the mouth.
Six of my teeth were knocked out. [swal-
lowed two.“
“Have you the other four in court?”
“Yes, sir.”
"Mark them ‘Exhibit B,‘ " said the judge.
Eventually the divorce was granted.
:.
said Mrs
CHAPTER XXVIII.
The president is the most accessible citizen
In the great Republic of the New World.
Three times a week he dost-ends to the
ground flimr drawing room and pauses an
hour shaking hands with all who wish to
make his acquaintance. There cannot boa
man in the world who does so lunch hand
shaking us this president of the United States.
You enter the White House at the hour of
the public reception as you enter a church at
service time. i saw there negr'ocs, market
women who had left their baskets in thcurite
chamber. all sorts and conditions of men. It
is the most democratic sight imaginable.
Mr Grover Cleveland. already respected
and looked up to, three years ago. for his
talents. his zeal and his integrity. has seen his
pr puiui'ity grow griuitcr every day since be
united his destiny with that of the most
charming of America‘s daughters
Mrs Cleveland is a lady of scarcely five-
nnil-twenty stitiiriu-i's, whose beauty has been
so often described that it Would be tedious to
dwell longer on the subject Whether Ro-
pubiicans or Democrats. all the Americans
look upon Mra Cleveland with the eyes of
the president.
I remember havingsocn one day in a comic
paperu earn-attire rtrjri‘iwnting Mrs Cleve-
land briiiging back her husband on her
shoulders to the White- [louse A intrieuture
has no value except when founded upon
reality At that time every one was unani-
mous in saying that. if Mr Cleveland were
re-eiceted president. he would in n large
measure owe the honor to his wife.
Mrs Cleveland rails her husband “Mr.
President." Her own imriie is Frances Fol-
som. which, it. is said. tier husband shortens
into “Fi'unk” in private There appears to be
no etiquette on this subject Martha Wash-
ington called the founder of the great Amer-
ican republic "General " Mrs. Hayes called
the president "Mr Hayes," whilst Mrs Lin-
coln and Mrs Garfield called their respective
husbands “Abram“ and "J int.”
CHAPTER XXIX.
In America the pursuit of politics is a
liberal profession—«cry liberal for those who
take it up.
In America, as in_ England, there are two
great political parties. instendof being called
Conservatives and Liberals, they are called
Republicans and Democrats The difference
Which exists between these two parties is this:
One is in power and tries to stay in, the other
is out of it and tries in get in
All that is done by one is condemned in ad-
vance by the other. whichever the other my
be It. is partiotism. ;'
Good society keeps prudently aloof from
politics and politicians. When a servant un-
uouncw a politician his master whispers in
his ear "John. lock up the plate and take
care there is nothing lying about." John,
faithful to orders. stands sentinel in the ball,
and while hols showing out the politician,
keeps an eye on the umbrellas and overcoats.
For that matter. the American democracy
is no exception to the rule. To become a
chemist, you must study chemistry; to bo-
como a lawyer. you must study law. but, in
a democracy, to be a politician you need only
study your interests. Enlightened, educated,
well bred people have no desire to be con-
founded with the heroes ot the stump. and
stand back. the rich financiers and merchants
are too busy to take up politics, the senators
and congressmen are more or loss the chosen
of the common people, and good society says:
“No, thank you, I prefer tostay at home.”
Thus it is that the ground remains clear for
the noisy mediocrities. and that a gentleman
has only to mix himmlf up in politics to be
come a deciame. He must reach the White
House to inspire a little respect. The Ameri-
can gentleman has not the least ambition to
see his fair name dragged In the mud, to hear
himself nicknamed “Honest John," “Jolly
Roger,” or what not. He takes a joke no
well asanother, but if you were tncali him
“Senator“ or "Congressman.“ he would have .
you up for defamation of character. The
Presidentitimseittmpable underwent
d to Local News and Interests.
I889.
A' o .. r4- .._._.,,
Two DOLLARS A YEAR
Number 9,,
. fa, docs not ultog‘efiér escape" the contempt
which thopoiitieian inspires in the man of
of refinement.
Contemporary America is governed by the
Irish.
The Germans, the Scandinavia. , all those
crowds of foreigners that, year by your, flock
toting-New World to find a livelihood. and
which Ariierim gradually assiiiiiiatcs. go
west to fell forests and reclaim the. land.
1 But the Irish pitch their tents, for' the most
part, in the large cities. where they congre-
gate together and turn their attention to
politics. . The city of New York, for‘instauce,
which has bwri successively conquered by the
Dutch, {no English, and the Yankees, is to-
day in the IialldS-Ol’ the Irish. New York is
‘ the real capital of Ireland.
i was- in America On the thh of March, St.
qut'lt'lt‘s day
mailed to have the day oiiicialiy celebrated
‘in New York, and the mayor was requested
to hoistihe green flag over the City flail.
This gentleman. for refusing to comply. was
next day pronounced o. ‘:i‘niso patriot“ and a
“traitor.“ .. ' '
The English are Vaiwaypflwondering why
Americarisnii seomto be: in favor of'home
(almond ready to back up tho'caiise with
their irorrnrs. Whyi__l our tell yoit Bo
‘ enlists-1 hey are in hopes that. when the Irish
get Ireland. they wilful! go-homo.
U,pon"t;he Streitgthof ”a six months“ stay in
America. one would hardly attempt to do-
Iiver a verdict on the political system of the
country.
i think, however, that it may sufer be
affirmed that the English are a freer people
than the Ameriwtis. that the constitutional
—l hurl airimst said republicaii—riioiiurehy or
England Ls. preferable to the authoritative
democracy of Annex-ice.
The American constitution was copied from
that of the England of “’76. and the presi-
dent of the United States was invested with
a power about equal to that of George [11.
Since that-late the English have advanced.
and the Americans have not—politically,
The English of the year of grace 1888 would
soon give the Queen notice to quit, if she took
it into‘ her head to ask for power equal to
that. possesred by the president of the United
States. it would take less time, perhaps, than
the Americans would need to get rid of a
troublesome president. '
The position of this president of the United
Stutesis very curious. Imagine to yourself
a king who. after four years‘ service, (lisap
pears into the obscurity of private life, is no
more heard of unless he is assassinated. and
whose very features are forgotten unless
they have been perpetuated upon dollar bills
and postage stamps.
The presidential election, which takes
place every fourth year. is the most. feverish
phi-so of the feverish American life. The
whole nation becomes delirious Several
months before thcday fixed, every mind is
preoccupied with but one thing. the election
The. nowspapcrsarc full of it, conversation
has no other subject. Pawions are let loose.
intriguesui‘o on foot. the mostodious culiim-
tiles are circulated, men stop at nothing that
may give the vietory to their party For
three or four weeks prior to the election, the
country is given overto processions, meet-
ings, banners, stump speeches. toi‘cliiight
marches, etc. As soon as Fate tum pro-
nounced between the candidates. calm is re
tored, the fray ceases, arms are extended
only in haudshakiugs. the vanquished accept
their defeat with as much bravery as they
had displayed in the struggle. and every one
goes once more about his business
The English have the habit of making
themselves at borne everywhere, but above
all in places where they pay Nothing is so
repugnant to them as those thousand and
one little tyrannim that go by the name: of
regulations, restt'ii-tiomi. rules, by laws. etc.
If you would be unliauipei‘eri by such, if you
would enjoy perfect freedom. live in England.
No one doubts that. England is the i‘i'cest
country on earth, not even our stunchest
French republicans.
A few months before his election to the
presidency of the French Republic, fol. J tiles
Grevy was present one evening at a political
dinner in the) hmuitil‘tii mnnuimi of" tho Vii-our
muse dc Rainiicvilic At this epoch. things
scarcely seemed to [mint to the future eleva-
tion of ill Gravy. and ii’ the Orleans princes
had displayed a little more resolution. III.
Grevy would probably never have known
any other puiucc than the one in which his
pleadings failed to keep the magistrates
awake
After dinner. in the elegant smoking room,
one of the guests drew iii. Grevy aside and
said to him.
"Well. sir. seeing the turn things are tak-
ing. have you not enough of the republic!“
“On the contrary i have just returned
from a. country where I have learned to up
precinte it more.”
“Wherois it you have been? to Switzer~
land!"
“No. a little further."
“Not Aiiiericuf”
“Oh. not“
“In what country can you have strength-
ened so much your republican ideas?"
“I have just returned from England,” to»
plied [IL Grcvy
T 0 be ()nntilmpd.
A Mother In the Play.
Some queer mistakes happen to actresses,
due to the trinity roles they enact upon the
stage. Recently Miss Kathryn Kidder, who
Is playing the part of mother to Little Lord
Fauntleroy at the Broadway theatre, ab
tended a reception The iii-stem introduced
her to a lady, with this remark: “She is the
mother of Little Lord Fauntleroy." Some-
how the lady interpreted the remark liter-
ally und began to question Miss Kidder about
the age of her little son and when she per
mitted him to goon the stage. It was an
embarrassing moment. When the young no
tress explained that she was only the
mother in the play and not in real
life. Miss Kidder is young and hasurich
father. who is willing to star her any time
she desires. She told a reporter that. she pre
ferred to work patiently and bet-omen star
In the legitimate course of her career rather
than start. out prematurely and run the risk
of not. making a financial success As she we.-
oniy 20 years old, she uverred that she could
wait. Miss Kidder began her stage career
when she was only it; years old, and made a
success with Mayo in “Burdock“ and in Gil-
lette‘s “Held by the Enemy." Shoisirot at
all superstitious, but yet one season she pos-
sessed :1 peacock fan which the manager do
ciar'ed brought bad luck to the door receipts.
One night Mim Kidder deliberately laid the
peacock fan in the middle of the street and
left it there. Business improved from that
boon-New York Mail and Exprtss.
TATE Srnincs, TENN., July 4, 1888.
The Swift Specific C0,, Atlantancaa _
During the spring of 1871, while working
In the field at my home in Morgan county,
Ga- I pulled off my shoes to give my feet a
rest. Unfortunately, I walked into a clump
of poison oak, and in a few days my feet
were in a terrible condition, and I could not
put on a shoe because of the soreness and
swelling. I was treated as poison oak cases
usually are, and everything was healednp.
About the same time the following spring,
1872, my feet became sore again, as at first,
and every succeeding spring for five years
brought back the same condition of the dis-
ease, only each time it became more dis-
tressing, because I began to think it was a.
lifetime trouble. Finally, I was induced to
try Swift's Specific. I took six bottles, and
to—duy am entirely well. Iiy improvement
was gradual from the first, and no cvrdence
of the disease remains. I shall take pleas-
ure in testifying as to its curative proper-
ties. It is the greatest blood purifier in ex-
istence. Yours truly, J. L. MORGAN.
The foregoing certificate is taken at
random from thousands dishes in posses-
sion of the Swift Specific C0,, and presented
simply as a sample. It is a voluntary
statement, giving facts and results of the
case. Its accuracy and genuineness are
be ond question. _
ll valuable Treatise on Blood and Skin
Diseases mailed free. Address
THE SWIFT SPECIFIC CO.,
Drawer '1 Atlanta. Ga.
I sufiered from acute inflamiition in my
nose and head—for a Wut'k at a time I
could not see. I used E y's Cream Balm
and in a few days I was cured. It is won.
(lei-foil how quick it helped nic..——Mrs.
Georgie S. Judson, Hartford, Conn.
There are 4,000 Boles in New York.
Apples continue at very low prices.
A Gingham war is raging among the
jobbt‘l'S.
R'Ilhrre are 480 voters on Block Island,
The Italian budget shows a deficit of
neauly $40,000,ot0.
I remember that the Irish do .
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F
flutter: P“
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This i’owrlerneier varies. r at of III"
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inn Iii-:tlallio
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Entire stock moved front ilaiihirry to So. Nor-wall;
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Eleltiilgs. Engraving". .»\rlnl_\ pea, Paulo-Isl,
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rs
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help believing it disin-
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ton. \‘t., writes: “I have used Pninc‘s celery
Compound on several occasions. and always
with benefit. Last spring. being very niueh l‘llil
AS
it general tonic and spring medicine I do not
A Full Stock of Furniture of all kinds-
P'iBLDII AND BlDEUIIIIISETi
a specialty.
DAVID snow,
Main Street opp. Depot
SOUTH NORWALK, CONN
" r. H. DWYER.
The largest Stock of Harness
., , EVER DISPLAYEI] III TOWN.
fill First-Hush, Ilniul Stilt-lied, (ink Tnnneo
l’ciinnylvuiiln. Li-iulier
4- THIRD CLASS PRICES.
Set Srnnle arrrl Denote Harness.
“'31 _ lint-DENBRDUK HALL,
,Ovcr Mitchell's Marker, next door to 1’. ii. Dwy-
er's old stand. Nil
EQU‘I‘I‘ABLE MOR'I‘GAGE CO.,
on Kansas ci'rv. (alumni osmotic-1,000
ii and 7 percent. liebenrnre-Bonris and Mortgage
Loans at l'ar and Accrued interest.
it. B. CitaL’ir‘L’ltD, Agent,
Room 2 Masonic l‘ulif'i y
HENRY TELLY
CARRIAGE MAKER, ‘
souri-i NORWALK, -
CONIV
Manufacturer of
Family Carriages, Victorian, Bonnier, to.
All Kinds of Repairing.
Jiliih’ rs. .i'i‘irinsox,
Wholesale and itetail lleiiler In
Harness, Blankets.
irraurlrs, Bugs,
Sole Li-rttirirr and Slow Findingsmnd Boot
l and Shoe Uppei's.
Garner of Fairfieid Ave. and Middle Street
Bridgeport,Conn. ryis
~=>>vF.rKOIlOUR,<<-
Merchant Tailor
I3 and IS Milli STREET,
For Sale.
l)(d'ltl.r¢. uAitltl'Iiddiil ltlFl.xC madehy Joh
i Blissctr. Lindon. Will be sold cheap to
"ash
Etirrirrrr- at His ortIr-o.
WWIIIM. “I I)
ll
diseased part, and. separate
ugh the perspiriug vessels‘. .ne surface and
\Ye warrant it to cure C51 Sores, C rcers,
er Nipples, Iiiflamed Eves, swollen Glands,
Corns, Bunions, Cllll-
uses on man and beast. .
.: on Izorsc fresh in cur’n: Scratches, Titian”; (lid
lie and Harlin-SS C:-|ls, Clinics. etc. It i; put im to
I21 at the low p'he oflwcittyvfivc (‘CI‘JSIL . .~
For Sale by Druggrst: and Dcalcxs in medical:
__________._—-———
i. E Filth.
our s‘romscu nun LIVER REMEDY.
pliysici its :1an recommended by the medical
real merit, and are used With more pleasing
They act on the stomach, bowels, liver
Blood, Inuiidice. Bilious Complaints,
Costiveness, Nervous and hick Headache,
kin I, Gravel and Diseases of tile Bladder-and
3nd easy to take and are r. perfcrt after
1 core :tll disorders of the Sto , deli.
For costivcncss trike oncPiII at bedtim;
Firznr coated
II digestion :‘in
but a pure medic‘nc and only used by people
of the stomach and are :tstire cure for
"ii (I)
It is simply asked that the afflicted
’
CIIlilLlCII.
u<e will convince the most skeptical.
25C-zl II ‘\'~ MOFFAT'S LIFE PILLS, 25:. :i Box. MOFFAT‘S
' or S'r'c by Druggists and Dealers in median t everywhere,
price.
3'. P. MILLS, Sole Proprietor.
35 LIBERTY STREET; NEW YORK.
isorders'
"I have used tvvo bottles 01‘ your Paine-‘3
Celery Compound. and it has given entire 511:—
lsfaction as an appetizer and blood purifier."
’l‘. L. Dunstan, Watertown, Dakota.
Paine’s
Celery Compound
is prescribed by physicians. recommended 1)::
drugglsrs. endorsed by ministers, praised by
users. and guaranteed by the manufacturers,
I as :1 art irredlclne which will do all that is
, claimr ' ” I‘sc i: this spring. and see new
i quickly has you up.
Purifies the Blood.
Frill accounts of wonderful cures made by
Pziliie‘s Celery Compound after other medicines
and the host physicians had failed, sent. tree.
There's nothing like it.
$1.10. Six for $5.00. Drugglsts.
WELLS, RICHARDSON in CO., Burlington. Vt.
86 Colors.
DYE WITH DIAMOND DYES 10cm, mall.
IF YOU WA NT
h HEATER
'i‘IIA'I‘ WILL
HeatYonrllonse
——GE’I‘————
Ti- III in _
A’l‘ E. II. RIBCIIWIIIIID do (3038
FIIIINITIJIII
S‘ARSAPARILLA. CUMftUlD
canon; MIX’I UnE,
Hair Tonic,
——FINE STATIONERY-
In the Latest Society Styles.
Easter Cards,
——-A'I‘—.._
J. G. ’ GREGORY’S
38 Wall Street.
EsrnnLrsmen 1868.
earned)— BROS.,
Office, 10 Washington St.
So. Nonwzink, CT., Oct. lst, 1888.
wnonnsnts AND RETAIL DEALERS 1N
t"orii. Wood, Brick, Lime Cement, Plus—
for, Fire Brick, Fire Clay. Fire Mor-
Itii‘, Drain Pipe, Ft-l‘lliilcl's, Sole
TiIe,BIiie Stone,Grnirite,Hny,
Straw,(:irain,Feed,ZFiour,
Soup, Oil, Salt, Fish,
Paints, Len d ,
Brushes,
Colors, Alabas-
tirir‘,Avei'iliaird Rub-
ber Mixed Paints, Sieve—
dOl‘i'S and Trueltirru‘, con-
tracts made for Exerrvating.l’uint-
lug. Grading, Flag and Concrete Walks.
Our goods are bought direct' from the
rnanufa-turer and producer; purchased for
r-aslr; fri‘lgliled in large quantities, tinder
<per-ial contract with the railroads and boats
delivered by our own tennis, and we are
thereby enabled to offer great inducements
to large prireimsers, while the smaller deal-
or or consumer will find bargains worthy
his liltE‘IlIIftn. We keep constantly in st: ck
:i great variety of all the goods on the fore
going list, besides many others not enumer-
:rteri, and will purchase and promptly deliva
r'i‘ on application, any article required. If
\rrti contemplate building, painting, putting
Iown walks, laying a drain or sewer, hav—
rrg it oven or cistern built. please allow us to
quote prices for work and material.
Respectfully,
RAYMOND BROTHERS.
anneal. nearer.
Meat, Fisn, Vegetabies, &c.
LUUIIWUUD d7 ANDRE Wb',
MAIN su‘msn'r.
All kinds ofthc best qualities of Meats, Fish,
clams, Vegetables, etc., are kept constantly on
blind. and will be sold by us as low as can be pro-
curedat any market in Norwaik. We intend to
prove to our customers that we deserve their
patronage by fair and generous dealing.
ly-iu Luciiwuul) it; ANDREWS.
ANCHOR LIN E
Atlantic Express Service.
vannruuh via. QUEEN STOWN.
Steamship “CITY OF IN) "E” from New I
v - . . ‘ o
W bUNhoUn) , October 31, 1k
Largest npd finest passenger steamer afloat.
L-iliull, sou, aim, and $50 Second-class. 53o.
GLASGOW SERVICE.
Steamer every Saturday from New York to
GLASGOW AND LONDONDERRY.
Cabin Passage to Ui'iw’titv i ondonderr' or I.“
. ~ _ . - . iv
. cipoor, :4» or 5.15: Seabird-class. $31,).
oteerage, outuard or prepaid, t-Il her servrce, $20.
. I.btliuuu,b.‘_fl'uI'-iitm ’i where at lteduccd hates.
liaveiers Circular Letters of Credit, and Drafts
‘ fol any amount issued at lowest current rates,
E or Books of ours, 'l iuneIS or furtherinfurmation
Apply to uENiihitsuN BROS, New York,or
STILES w.cun1'is,
NO RWALL, CONN.
6m16
To Inventors.
one. a. BYINGTDN
OFEICE :
Ber. leuisisna Ana. and Ith St?
Ii'asliington, D. 0.,
Gives his Personal Attention o Procnritg
Patents for Invention:
In the U. S. Patent Ofice and all Farsi;
Co;ntr1es.
An experience of nearly ten years in the Patent
Office has given him a perfect familiarity with
every classiucaiiou of invention and the particuar
iiiliNcltc AM) 15L ltnnL'o, to winch each
and every invention is referred. lle has a con.
pletc familiarity with the ltules of Practire.
ilie ltecorus, Models, &c., .kc., .kc., an
every detail uftiie office, and owns his rim:
sqNAL .«\l"l‘EN'l‘lU.\' to the interests at at
Clients. Being on the ground, and Visiting lI‘
Patent Office daily, he can serve Inventors
securing their Letters i'ateni far more advantage
ously than Solicitors who do not restde
Washington.
Searches. and Rejected
Applications
A Specialty, To all those whose applications
have been rejected. he Will make an examination
and report on the some gratuitously. Pi'eliiiiiii-
ary exuriiiiiatioir of the Patent Uillce lit-cords,
prior to an application for a patent, will be made
i'orapvery small charge, and arrvrce or informa-
tion in regard to parents will be given in full
detail iiiaoircularwiiich will~be mailed free of
charge to every applicant. lie has special
facilities also for
Prueuring Patents in Foreign
Countries.
He refers to any othcer of the Patent Office, and
to tire runny Connecticut inventions tor whom-.he
has done business and taken out LETTERS ranch
DR. HARTLEY’S
lift’i‘ilililii REMEDY
Is the best remedy known for the cure of Catarrh
and its attendant ailments; rt is safe, painless. and
never failsiogiverelict. this remedy cleanse?»
the nose, head and throat of all unhealthy set-re-
lions, and soothes and heals the inflamed parts.
When the remedy is. true tried the beneficial re-
sults are so prompt and satisfactory that the sur-
ferer iiet‘cr Iailsio continue the treatment until
permanent relief is obtained,
Do Not Neglect a Bad Cold
Use Hartley’s Camrrh ltaniedy for its Immediate
lytf Cure.
Geo. S. Gregory.
Livery. Boarding, Sale,
Feed and Exchange
@ta.bles.
un'flfl-‘Lwfi
. runner so
No. 14 Knight 51
(in rear of Horse Car Depot),
NORWALK. CONN.
Carrirges [Utilizi- d silhou-s.
reunion and gi-rriten-nn 3‘ driver.-.
nor ens
1?
Norwalk Chronicler