THE» E vENi N G
‘\ ‘ I. .,.;~
GAzannbU 1"'j
' I?" A QUESTION OF ROOM.
Plight of a. Young luau Who Had Given a'
Theatre Invitation.
He looked troubled as he pushed
two matinee tickets through the box
office window and asked:
“Can you give me two more seats
next to these?"
The ticket seller hastily looked
through a- bundle of tickets that he too:
from one of the little pigeonholes in
front of him and shook his'head.
"I can give you two seats just in front
of them,” he said. '
“Won’t do,” replied the man in front
of the window. “Can you take these
back and give me four in the row just
ahead?” '
“No; there are only two left there,”
answered the ticket seller.
“I don’t see now I am going to ar-
range it,” said the young man who
wanted the tickets, thoughtfully. “I
must have three seats together."
“Three?" exclaimed the ticket seller.
“I thought you wanted four together."
“I do." returned the other, “but that
isn’t absolutely necessary. If I can get
three together, I can sit somewhere else
myself.” .
“I should think it would be pleasanter
to divide the party pretty evenly,” sug-
gested the man in the box office.
“It Would,” admitted the man outside
of it. “but it can’t be done. You' evi-
dently don’t understand the case. You
see. I bought these tickets with the in-
tention of taking a young lady to the
matinee. and it never occurred to me
that I would need more than two seats.”
“Overlooked the chaperon, I sup-
pose?”
“Chaperon nothing!” When I pay
for a chaperon there’ll be skating in
August. I overlooked the fash.ons—-
that’s what I overlooked. I sa her
last night in the gown she expects to
wear, and now I am trying to buy a
seat for each of the sleeves. 'I‘;.at’s
why Igmust have at least three scars in
arow. If you can give them t. 7.8.
trot them out; if you can‘t say so, cal
I’ll send word to her that I‘m sick
give my tickets to some one else.”
\
LG Charles Dudley ~Warner’s Fun.
Charles Dudley Warner wandered in
to the offices of the Civil Service Com-
misSioner the other morning lookin g for
Prof. Proctor. Finding that the Inter
was engaged he sat down in the recep-
tion room to wait. Lying on a table be-
fore him was a pile of blank applica-
tions to be filled out by people who
want to be examined for Government
- sltions.
He picked up one and amused himself
by answering the questions they con-
tained. He then asked the messenger
for an envelope, which he addressed to
Prof. Proctor. He inclosed his appli-
cation, laid it upon the desk with other
mail, and his name now appears in the
list of those who desire to appear before
the Board at- the next quarterly exami-
nation. ’
Some of his answers were character-
istic. IOpposite the question whether
he has any relatives in the Government
service he writes: -
“No doubt.”
“Are you addicted to the use of to-
bacco, intoxicating liquors, morphine,
or other drugs?”
“I use liquor and tobacco in modera-
tion.”
“Have you ever been convicted 'of
crime?"
“Not yet.”
“Have you any impediment in your
speech?”
“I usually speak without notes.”
“Have you any defect in your hear-
ing?” ~ _.
‘ “No; I hear too much,”— Chicago
Record. ‘
Reasonable Scepticism.
“Stranger,” .he said to the traveler
who had stOpped at his unpretentious
homé for a night’s lodging, "hey ye ever
hearn tell ez how ef ye see a red-headed
girl, ye’re boun’ ter see a white
boss?” -
“Of course. That’s an old idea.”
“I hearn it some time ago myself.”
“It has some basis of fact, too. You
see, the case simply is that there are
more white horses in existence than
there are red- headed girls. So their apl
pearing at the same time is a more than
likely coincidence.”
“Well, sir,” replied the householder,
in a tone that defied controversy, “ye
kin call it a coincidence, er what ye
please. I call it a durn lie. See thet
gal over there?”
“Yes.”
“Her hair’s red, ain’t it?”
"It’s—it’s quite auburn."
“It’s red, that’s a dead sure thing, an’
I ain’t ashamed of it. She’s my wife.
The day before I married her I had one
of the purtiest white hosses ye ever laid
yer eyes onto. Hess thief come along
while the preacher was a pernouncin’
the ceremony. I’ve got the red headed
girl, but I ain't seen no white horse
sense. An’ what’s more, I don’t expect
- 232' see none.”— Washington Evening
Star.
The Vice of Overeating.
. How much harm is done to health by
our one sided and excessive diet no one
can say. Physicians tell us that it is
very great. Of the vice of overeating,
as practiced by the well-to do classes.
in England especially, Sir Henry
Thompson, a noted English physician
and authority on this subject, says:
, “I have come to the conclusion that
more than half of the disease which
embitters the middle and latter part of
life is due to avoidable errors in diet,
and that more mischief in the form of
actual disease, of impaired vigor, and
of shortened life accrues to civilized
man in England and throughout cen-
tral Europe from erroneous habits of
eating than from the habitual use of
alcoholic drink, considerable as I know
that evil to be.”-Sanitariau.
J udge—I—Iive you anything to say be-
fore the judgment of the court is passed
upon” you? I " , .q
. Tough Prisoner—Beggi‘n’ yer I-Ionor’s
pardon, have ye heard the score, Judge?
' i . v—Ph‘iladvelphia R;cord. ‘.
ossee 'so' A coco BUSINESS.
F
l‘lie Parson‘s Good Wishes for u. Generous
' Subscriber.
The debt of the struggling little
shin-ch in the suburbs had all been
paid off but $600 says the Chicago Tri-
bune.
A clergyman noted for his skill and
success in raising church debts had
been sent for, and was conducting the
morning service. The sermon was over,
and the work of stirring up the audi-
ence had begun. Subscriptions rose
rapidly to $300, then $400, and after
considerable effort to $500, Where they
stuck. In vain the visiting brother ex-
horted and pleaded. The limit of the
cash resources of the congregation ap-
peared to have been reached, and at
last he sat down, discouraged.
Then Brother Plantus, a highly—re-
speclzed undertaker, who had made a
liberal subscription already, rose and
said:
“Brethren, this thing shan‘t fall
through after it has got as far along as
$500. I believe in a man giving as the
Lord has prospered him, and, although
I have given a pretty good-sized dona-
tion, I am ready to do more. I’ll pay
that last hundred dollars myself.
Here’s my check for the amount.”
‘ “I don’t know your name, brother,”
shouted the visiting preacher, jump-
ing to his feet with enthusiasm, “but
I hope your business will double dur-
ing the coming year, and I believe it
will!” -
NOW KISS ME.
Title of a. Sensational Song Causes Con-
sternation. _
A funny incident occurred in a
neighboring city, says an exchange,
and one too good to be lost. One of
our celebrated composers has written
a pretty song entitled, “Kiss Me.” A
very pretty, blushing maid, having
heard of the song, and thinking she
would get it, with some others, step-
ped into a music store to make a pur-
chase. One of the clerks, a modest
young man, stepped up to wait on her.
The young lady throw back her veil,
saying:
“I want ‘Rock Me to Sleep.’ ”
The clerk got the song and put it be-
fore her. . 2‘
“Now," said the yotmg lady, “I want
‘The “'audering lefugec.’ ”
“Yes, ma’am," said the clerk, bowing,
and in a few minutes he produced the
“Refugee."
“Now, ‘Kiss Me'” said the young
lady, of course meaning the song above
mom ioued.
The poor clerk’s eyes popped fire al-
most as he looked at the young lady in
utter astonishment, for he was not
aware that a song by that name had
been published.
“W h—what did you say, Miss?”
“ ‘Kiss Me.’ ” said she.
"I can't do it; I never kissed a
young lady in my life,” said the clerk.
And about that time a veil dropped,
a young lady left in a hurry, clerk felt
sick, and dealer lost the sale of his mu-
sic—Mail and Express.
A Letter from Ole Bull.
The other day Mr. S. F. Newhall, of
this city. who was going through a col-
lection of old family letters, came
across one from Ole Bull, the famous
volinist, which was written to his
mother, Mrs. Emma Newhall, says the
Chicago News.
Mrs. Newhall had written a critique
of Bull's playing for the New York
Tribune, this being the honor referred
to in the letter, and had also been es-
pecially kind to a young protege; of
hers, who chanced to be compatriot of
Bull. This is the violinist’s letter:
“My Lady: Deeply impressed with
the honor you have conferred upon me,
and penetrated with joy and gratitude
for your interest and sympathy in be-
half of a countrywoman of mine, Miss
, ‘I solicit from your, generosity
the acceptance of my invitation to my
concerts here, and, in my name, if it
please. you. to your protege also; and
for your kind forbearance with my
humble efforts to' attach heaven to
earth in music,
thank you. Altho’ it humbles me to
be so far beneath your own standard;
but I hope for better things. I trust
you will allow me to present my deep
respects in person. I am, my lady,
yours verv lmmblv, OLE BULL.”
“Chicago. March 15, 1854.”
Not. Always on Safe Ground.
Canon Tristrnm begs the clergy to
beware of wrong or unfortunate il-
lustratious. “When a dockyard chap-
lain, I once,” he says, “secured the aid
of an eloquent American bishop,
.whose sermon certainly rivited me.
The next .day. meeting the boatswain
of the and. who was a great critic, I
remarked to him. ‘That was a grand
sermon. Mr. S.. that we heard yester-
day.’ ‘Well. I don’t know, sir,’ he re-
plied. ‘I only hope he knows his own
business better than he knows mine.’
‘Why, what was the matter?’ ex-
claimed I. “Why. didn’t you hear? He
talked about sails hanging idly from
.the must: as if any landlubber ever
saw a sail hanging from anything but
a yard yet!" -
A \‘un' One-Hing for “'omen.
A new occupation for women is that
of house agent. One young woman
had made quite a success of it. She gets
two commissions, one from the real
estate agent for getting him a tenant
and the other from the tenant himself,
who is glad to pay her a small amount
for relieving him of the annoyance of
going over the house and approving or
disapproving its condition.
So She Chose.
Fred: “Yes—I like him well enough,
Minnie; but how did you ever happen
to marry a man a head shorter than
you are?” .
Minnie: “I had to choose, Fred, be
tween :1. little man with a big salary
and a big many-"with a little salary.”
-.
I do most heartily'
uh
a .
lulu:
lizlilrfilliiw 375% “f. Ter-
4*}.
. 'To Subscribe fer the
4
WEEKLY N. Y. TRIBUNE.
lath PacersSeut to One Address
u"
fer $I.OO a Year .
:HE HOOKED A BULLDOG.
One Time IVhen the Brute Was Ubliged to
‘Acknowledge Defeat. . .
A Chicago novelist of repute, and
whose veracity has never been ques-
tioned, sought a little rest one summer
in the upper lake region tells. a fishing
story which seems to discount most of
those related by lovers of the art. "
“Three of us had been out trolling for
muskallonge,” he said, “and had had
no luck at all. The savage ‘muskas,”
which, when full grown, will give‘ a
man all he can do to land them, were
sulky and refused to accept our chal-
lenge and so I bade the boys goodby
and started for the farmhouse where
I was boarding, a couple of miles
away across the fields. , ~
“I hadn’t gone far when I heard a
savage growl behind me. and the next
minute I 'was clambering into the
branches of a convenient tree with a
big bulldog snapping‘at my heels. It.
was 'a mighty close call, and as I
swung myself up out of reach I struck
frantically at the brute with my troll;
ing spoon. One of the heavy hooks:
caught him fairly inthe nose, and in a
moment he began pawing and thrash-
ing about in a wild endeavor to get
loose.
“It took an hour to land him. He
would run out a couple ,of hundred
feet, dive into the deep clover and sulk
and growl. Then I would haul him in,
hand over hand, with a hitch around
a convenient limb. \Vhenever I slack-
.ened the line away he would go again
until I brought him up with a sharp
turn. It was great sport. Talk about
fishing! . Landing :1 twenty—pound mus-
kallonge is tame and uninteresting
when compared with landing a thirty‘
pound bulldog.
“At the end of an hour he lay down
at the foot of the,tree and I couldn’t in.
duco him to light. I tied the line about
a limb..jumpcd down out of his reach
and ran for the nearest fence. But
there was no necessity for hui‘ry; the
dog stayed. I told a farmer‘s boy I
met shortly afterward where he could
lind his dog. I guessed he deserved to
~ keep my trolling outfit for recovering
it. At any mic. I didn't see it again,
~l'or i took :1 train for Chicago that
lilglii’."—ClllL'ZIfJ'O Times-Herald.
v-.
A I’M-u tor Discrimination.
fie ( i let the second act) Well, if you
n i l ere-use me.I guess I’ll go out and
. l
i get- a breath of fresh air.
tine—ll it’s the same kind” of breath
that you went- out for when'I was here
with you before, I’d rather you would
not bring it in with you.——Boston Cou~
rier.
His Delenseffi‘
J udge—You are accused of carryinga
razor.
Prisoner—But, yo’ honah, it war a
safety razyah.—Washington Evening
Times.
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k E F E AT E D
For Three Years He Suffered—Could
Hardly Breathe at Night—One Nostril
Closed for Ten Years.
Mr. A. M. Ramsey, of De Leon, Texas,
Was a sufferer from Catarrh in its
worst formi Truly, his description of
his sufferings seem little short of mar-
velous. Instead of seeking his couch,
glad for the night’s coming, he went to
it with terror, realizing that another
long, weary. kaeful night and a
struggle to breathe was before him.
DE LEON, TEXAS.
Mans"; 1.1);‘777117‘1 firth?" Sana/malt, 60.,
Gum‘s: i have used nearly four bottles of
P. l’. P. I was afflicted from the crown of my
head in t‘ soles of my feet. Your P. P. P.
has cum 1: difficulty of breathing, smother-
ing. p-.., {ill-WT! of the heart. and has relieved
me or." all pain. One nost‘d was clased for
ten years, but now I Can bseathe through it
readily. _
I have not slept on either Side for two years;
infact, I dreaded to see night come. Now I
sleep soundly in any position all night.
I am 30 years old, but expect soon to be able
to take hold of the plow handles. I feel glad
that I was lucky enough to get P. P. P., and I
heartily recommend it to my friends and the
public generally.
Yours respectfully.
A. M. RAMSEY.
THE STATE OF TEXAS. [35 _ , _
County of Comanche, l " .’ .
Before the undersigned authority, on this
day, personally appeared A. M. Ramsey, who,
after being duly sworn, says on oath that the
foregoing statement mafia by him relative to
the virtue of P. P. P. medicine, is true.
A. M. RAl SEY:
Sworn to and subscribed before '- this,
August 4th, 1891.
Comanche County, Texas.
‘CATARRH cunsn BY P. P. P.
(Lippman’s Great Remedy) where all
other remedies failed.
Woman’s weakness, whether nervous
or otherwise, can be cured and the
system built up by P. P. P. A healthy
woman is a beautiful woman.
Pimples, blotches, eczema and all
disfigurements of the skin are removed
and cured by P. P. P.
P. P. P. will restore your appetite,
build up your system and regulate you
in every way. P. P. P. removes that
heavy, down-in-the-mouth i} -el 23g.
For blotches and pimples on the
face, take P. P. P.
Ladies, for natural and thorough .
organic regulation, take P. P. P., Lipp-
man’s Great Remedy,,and get well at_
once. '
I Sold by all druggists.
LIPPMAN' BROS.. Apothecaries, Sole Prop’rs,
Llppman‘s Block, Savannah, (is.
J. M. LAMBERT, N. P., if!
1.:
A BRGAND‘ de LEVIES TAXES.
He Also Preserves the Peace and Protects
Property. ‘ .. .
. "Brigandage is still lampant in many
rural districts in Italy,” said Dr. Ra-
vogli. the resident Italian Consul, to an
Enquirer representative yesterday.
"From advices I receive occasionally
I keep in touch with home affairs, and
a letter from a friend in Trieste con-
tains a reference to Tiburzi, one of the .
most picturesque of‘these freebooters.
Tiburzi is about 48. , At the beginning
. of his career he was as had as others of
.the same vocation in life. In 1872 he
was caught, convicted of highway rob-
bery and murder, and sentenced to im-
p1‘l~'0nment for life. He escaped in 1874
and tookrefuge in a wood near Viterbo.
where he lived in security in‘spite of 17
warrants and a large reward for his ar-
rest. The reason of this security is
simple enough. He was good to the
poor—any peasants in need of help could
always get a gold coin from Tiburzi—
and he punished traitors. Consequently
the peasants were readyto assist him
against the police or Government emis—
saries, and those who‘vvould willingly
have given information were afraid to
do so. ' .
"After his escape Tiburzi altered his
method of gaining a living. He caused
it to be made known to all the well-to-
do people in the "district that if they
paid him an annual contribution he
would not interfere with them and
would protect them from molestation
by others. lt.was considered advisable
to agree, and Tiburzi has been for years
in receipt of a large income, one man
alone paying him £150 a year. Crime
has considerably diminished in the dis-
trict; the smaller iry dare not molest
Tiburzi‘s proteges, for he is still a good
shot with his English repeating rifle.
‘Tiburzi does what the Government
cannot do, he collects taxes without
trouble and he keeps down crime.
“It must not be supposed that he
hides in the woods 'all day. He can
walk about the whole district without
fear of capture, and' he lives in good
(style. He goes to Rome sometimes.
presumably in disguise, and has even
been abroad. Will he ever be ar-
rested? Time alone will tell.”——Cincin-
nati Enquirer.
QUEEN' CARNATION.
The Spicy and Beautiful Carnation 3 Fa.-
- . vorite.
The assertion that the 'i'olet as the
favorite flower would always find a rest
for its modest head on the breast of. an
indulgent people is likely to be proved
false by the carnation. This flower has
bounded into a popularity entirely un—
looked for two months ago. The mem-
bers of the swagger "set, who have long
desired a novelty in the way of breast
knots, boutonnieres and small bouquets,
have chosen the carnation as the blos-
som with which to adorn themselves.
The matron who carries to the opera a
bunch of carnations three quarters of a
yard round, consisting of dark red, pink
and white blossoms, does so With the
firm conviction that she is using the
very latest thing in flowers. The young
girl will carry pihk blossoms, with lilies
of the valley, for her coming out and
evening use; while the young'swell will
fasten to the lapel of his coat one great
white or variegated flower. '
The demand for carnations has be-
come a fad, and florists have difficulty
in procuring the flower in the perfection -
required by the fashionable set. Grow-
ers are reaping a harvest in its cultiva-
tion. and many have given up growing
other plants to make room for the de-
velopment of the carnation.
THE AFRICAN PIGMIEs.
Expl‘orer Smith Tells of Their Habits'and
_Cool Dress.
.3 Donaldson Smith, the young Phila-
delphia physician, who has been on an
expedition to Lake Rudolph, Africa, re-
cently returned to his home in this city.
Perhaps of the greatest popular in-
terest is his discovery of many new
' tribes whose-existence was .previously
unknown. Among these is a race of
pigmies, the fact of whose discovery
has caused a commotion in scientific,
circles. TheSe curious people are 70f
negro type, are coal black and absolutely
naked. Although of great physical
beauty, with well-formed limbs, they
are barely removed from animals, and
their code of morality is very lax. Later
in life, however, they settle down and
- marry. These remarkable people are
all between four and five feet high . and
live in primitive conical huts.
Their only industry is corn raising
and the rearing of sheep and goats.
They are born hunters. In warfare
they use poisoned arrows, the wounds
inflicted by which prove fatal Within
an hour.—Philadelphia Times. ‘
Hear This Man Talk.
A man who signs "himself “Havana,”
but says he is an American,writes as fol-
lbws to the Evening World: '
I wish to marry the poorest girl in'
New York City, but she must be very
pretty and jolly- The poorer she is the
better I will like her. Some one said
that strangers come here to fish forgwell
to do wives, and I am a stranger that
would not marry an American woman
that has money for anything in the
world. I am 26 years old, have a nice
position and a handsome inheritance it
the near future. , '
‘ There Are Others.
Jinks —.To-day I pleased a. pretty“ I
woman by telling her that a certain red
faced, snub noséd, bald headed mortal
looked like her.
Winks—Get out!
Jinks—The red faced, snub nose, bald
headedmortal was her first baby.—Tor- . '
onto Rural Canadian. T
A correspondent asks? “How did the
first kiss come about?” Precisely like
the last one. And after it was over the
man looked sheepish and. the woman
blushed and pretended to be angry.
There are some things in this World that
evolution has never 111011:;".'."{.‘ with.-—- ,
. [Ml-an: a inguinal-lltlud. '
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Norwalk Chronicler