Evening gazette, Thursday, February 4, 1897 · page 2

 

 
 

 

TAKE HER ANY WAY.

We are often chidin’ woman 'cause' she’s
makin’ of a stir

For the rights1 she thinks us men-folks is
alholdin“ back from ner;

But, to fell the truth, we’ve never felt much
diiferent to this— ‘
W'hether she jist suits or doesn't,

We will take her as she is.

W E

 

Hum

She may win the rights she’s after, she may
make us don her dress. .4

An’ ignore our lusty kickin’ an our rantings
of distress: .

An’ although we swear 'and mutter, the re-
sult is always this—

Ruthern we should do without her,

“'9 will take her as she is.

——.E emphis Commercial.
LISBETH’S VICTORY.

Gegen Lieb, und VVeiberlist,
Alle Gewalt vergebens ist.

Nowadays, all that is required to get
. married is a "he” and a “she” and the
necessary license. Any one authorized
by law can splice them with a few ques-
tions as to who and what they are,
whether they possess anything or by
what means they intend to support
themselves or their children.

In times gone by things were alto-
gether different and more care was ta-
ken. But then one may go too far in
his care for the well being of hymeneal
candidates, as the following narrative
shall demonstrate.

Our tale begins on a. balmy morning
in May, 178—, such a morning as is
seldom seen anywhere outside the Rhine
valleys in the Black Forest.

The young and fair hostess of the inn
of the "Front Room,” the famous and
most popular hostelry in the ancient
ducal borough of B——-, was seéited
alone in the guest room. _ Her plump
figure was becomingly attired in a
gown of navy blue, profusely braided
and embroidered according to the fash-
ion 0f the dav, over which she wore a.
ablaék silk apron. The graceful out-
lines of her bust showed to perfection in
a. velvet waist hung with silver chains,
and on a table beside her reposed a.
magnificent lace cap.

Though a widow, Lisbeth was still
young and very fair to look upon, and
almost all the eligible young men of
8— had done their best to capture her
heart, hand and money—and had failed
alike in all.

The truth was that she had already
lost her heart. About six months ago
the playfellow of her youth, Francois,
the son of neighbors in her native vil-
lage across the Alsatian border, had
come to 13—— and found employment
in a butcher shop. The two had again
met, and though under the circumstan-
cos it cannot be termed love at first
sight, it may have, just the same, been
something very like it.

At any rate, they loved, and had
agreed to get married as soon as the
year of mourning was over, and this
was the eventful day set for making ap-
plication at the City Hall to have the
bonus published’ '-

At last a creaking of the door hinges
roused Lisbeth from her reverie, and
the impatiently looked for lover made
his appearance. But his countenance
was not wreathed in smiles, neither did
he look like an expectant bridegroom
whose dearest wish is about to be real-
ized. He frowned, and angrily throw-
ing his new beaver hat on the floor,
took a distant seat without the pleasant
words of greeting she was always used
to hear from his lips.

Lisbeth felt deeply hurt, but said
nothing. ,

Finally the young man, as if ashamed
of his ill- mannered behavior, exclaimed
in a fitful tone:

"Oh, Lisbeth, we can never marry !”

“No? and pray, why not?” she asked.
“Are you tired of me?”

"Tired of you, Lisbeth? You know
better than that. But haven’t you
heard the news? The Council refused
to grant me citizen’s rights and the
marriage license. They are full of ani-
mosity toward you for refusing to wed
one of their sons and for giving me,
whom they are pleased to call a stranger
and a vagabond, the preference.”

“.30 that is it!"

The resolute Lisbethjumped up, ex-
citedly, her lovely face crimson as a
June rose.

"Come! Let us to the City Hall at
once. We will see about it. If every-
thing else fails, I think my godfather,
the Abbotoi R——-, will find a way to
make them pliable.”

The Worthy Burgomaster of 13——
cnd the members of the Council were?
assembled at the City Hall when Lis-
beth appeared, dragging her bashful
Francois forcibly by the hand into their
august presence.

"With your permission, mighty sirs,”
she began, we appear before you to in-
form you that we intend to marry. and,
what is more, to marry as soon as pos-
sible, wherefore we most humbly and
dutifully pray the High and Mighty
Council to grant us the necessary pa-
pers, and to be quick about it, for wo
ha :0 no desire to wait any longer than
is absolutely necessary. My homestead
,iieeds a master, as you all know. The
young man by my side,'abachelor of
good repute and law abiding, is my
LILUICC, and is better fitted for the po-
siziozi as host at the inn of the “Front
gloom” than any one else I know. He
is a butcher by trade, young and strong
and what is more, his brother across
the border, over in Alsace, owes him a
thousand guilders Rhenish, part of their
.ather's estate, which he can collect in
cash at any moment. Therefore I can
see neither morally nor legally anything
against my Francois, and 1—well, why
make many words——l love him and I
want him l” '

A silence fell upon the assembled city
fathers after this strange speech of the
plucky little widow. At last the worthy
Burgomaster, a member of the worship-
‘r'ul Tanner’s Guild, broke the awkward
pause, after deliberately helping him-
self to a plentiful supply of snuff.

“Higth honore-I friends and col
leagues. and thou, honored and virtuous
Mistress: Lisbethl Thy desire is full 0;
the Christian spirit of neighbor y‘icve.
and accordingvm the laws or we lami

 

 

 

 

 
 

2.1,:

I

in f act. it is reasonable, yea, more than
that, it is necessary. Thou”speakest
truly. Thy establishment is sorely in
need of a master’s strong arm, and thou
'ncedst a husband. But is it absolutely
necessary that it should be a stranger?
Are there no young men in our town,
sons of worthy citizens, who are as fit
to rule the destinies of the inn of the
"Front Room,” and thine own as well,
and who are but too willing to have
thee for their lawful Wife?

"The inn has for long generations
been in possession of men who were cit-
izens of our borough and thus it shall
remain. Even thyself art but a strang-
er, having gained the inn by marriage.
Hence it is but just that nobody but the
son of one of our citizens should again
own it, and thou art forbidden to marry
you vagabond. Collectively and indi-
vidually, this Council formally protests
against it, and declines thy petition.
That ends it!”

Commendatory words rewarded the
Burgomuster at the end of this lucid
expatiation, and the prince’s. snufi'box
again made the round of the Council
table.

Francois, the unfortunate groom, had
been thoroughly wrought up by the ex-
pression of “tramp” and “vagabond”
hurled at him. He sudddenly sprang
forward, stopped short in front of the
Burgomaster, and, shaking his fist in his
face, he exclaimed:

“And I say, you high and mighty cit-
izens of B———, I’ll marry her in spite of
you and all your thick headed and
crookedlegged sons.”

The city fathers looked aghast at such
impudence. The Burgomastcr threw
his snuffbox with such force on the
table that the dust rose in clouds from
the official documents. .

"Wretch l" cried he. “Wilt thou
hold thy tongue? Thou ill-mannered
Alsatian cur, thou vagabond. Imme-
diately go and pay a. fine of one guildar
Rhenish into the city treasury for thy
unparalleled insult offered to our citiz-
ens, and if thou tarriest here any longer
I will have theo put into the dungeon
and tortured until thou wilt show bet-
ter manners!” -

This delivery was followed by general
applause. Francois paid his fine and
loft. while the prince’s snuffbox once
more went from hand to hand.

On the Saturday following the narra-
ted events a cabriolet and pair, driven
by Francois, stopped in front of the inn
of the “Front Room.” Lisbeth dressed
in her best Sunday finery, appeared,
smiling good-humoredly, and took her
seat in the vehicle. which started off at ’
a brisk trot. But the trip did not re-
main :1. secret. Somehow or other,
pretty soon everybody seemed to know
that Mistress Lisbeth had gone to see
her godfather, the Abbot, to ask his in-
terference in her and her lover’s be-
half. '

However, the Great Council was
wide awake, and up to the emergency.
As early as one 0 clock on the same at-
ternoon the City Hall bell called all the
citizens, more than a hundred men to—
gether in a mass meeting.

The Burgomaster presided. In a few .
concise words he explained the great
danger that threatened all landed citi-
zens of B—— by Mistress Lisbeth’s trea- 1
son plan, and the impression he made
was so pronounced that a petition was
drawn up to the government at D —————
setting forth Lisbeth’s sinfulness.

After the bulky document had been
dispatched quiet was restored in the bor-
ough, and the good citizens congregated
once more as usual in the guest room of
the inn, where shrewd mistress Lisbeth
had ordered a “metzelsuppe” of gigantic
proportions to be served during her ab-
sence, which every one—Burgomaster
and Council not excepted—enjoyed so ‘
hugely‘that on the following morning
when his Worship tried to help himself
to a pinch of snufi' he had to send to the
inn for the princely box, having left it
there the night before, from sheer'for-
getfulness, of course.

It would make interesting and profit-
able reading for jurists how the “High
and All Powerful” Government at D——
disposed of the knotty question. To our
sorrow and regret we have to disap-
point them, for history has not handed
down this important decision.

And the resolute Lisbeth and her .
Francois? How did they manage to en-
ter the blissful conjugal haven?

We doubt not the Abbot, her god-
father, was a shrewd man, who knew a
thing or two. Not far from the Abbot’s

' cloister, encircled by the silvery waters

of the beautiful Rhine, there is located
in the peaceful seclusion of the upper
Black Forest country. but in Swiss ter-
ritory, a small town, the very name of
which is a synonym for seclusion, and
many a love sick couple, having vainly
tried to overcome the obstaCle inter-
posed by parents or guardians, has taken
refuge at the sheltering altar of its
church, where many marriages have
been solenmized that otherwise could
not have taken place. ~

To this church the Abbot sent his
godchild, and there she and Francois
we're made one, while the good citizens
of B—-— were indulging too freely in the
"metzelsuppe."

Allthis is made evident by the entry
inthq book of the city treasury of B——,
stating that on July 1, 178—, Francois
——, a butcher and proprietor of the inn
of the Fiont Room, and his lawful who:
Lisbeth, hadvbeen fined 5 guilders Rheu-
ish ior getting married. at the Church
of —"—'—" Wit-limit having first secured the
consent of the" Council of B——, their le-
gal abode.~-From the French. '

hey Like Poor Water.

Arabs in the desert have contracted a
strange prejudice agains running wa-
ter, andthey will only drink what they
find in some stagnant pool. So, much
has this become a. matter of habit
with them that, while the most poison-
ous looking water agrees with them ad-
mirably, pure running water ,will make
them violently sick.

Compensation is the law of nature, of
finance and trade—a deficiency of fore-
thought must be balanced. by an excess
of alurihought. '

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legion.

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To Subscribe for the

 

'rnsnv'nNifNojonzn'rit; ~,

'Eot’h Pacers Sent to one Address

v;

. for $|_.OO at" Year,

 

-yet the thing can be done, and these

- wrath was spent, a prim and severe

'at my husband. He has been at~the

 

 

 

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TRIED TO BEAT THE MACHINE.

 

Two Young Thyme): Attempt to Get
Weighed for One Cent. I
Probably they would have resented
any imputation upon their honesty. yet
they stood before the penny-inthe-slot
weighing machine with guile, fraud,
and intent to cheat in their souls. The
younger one, she was a slim, tailor—
made girl. held a cent between her
wel - gloved finger and thumb. Only
one cent for both of them. Now, no
penny in the slot machine purposes to
weigh ladies, no matter of what degree
of fairness, at the rate of two for a cent,

two proposed to do it.

“We ought bothto get on before we
drop the penny in,” said the elder, who
looked as if she alone would be a pretty
good one cent contract for anything
short of a hay scale.

"Yes, but if you get on there won't
be much room for me,’ said her com pan-
ion. "I’ll just have to cling to your
out- skirts, as it were, and I’ll be haug-
ing to you so hard that it will take
away part of my weight.”

“What a goose you are, Madeline,”
cried the other. “How can it lessen the
weight when all the weight is on the
scales any way?"

“Yes. that's true,” assented the
younger one thoughtfully, "It‘s all on
the scales of course; but it isn’t my
weight, is it, if part of it comes to
you?"

“Well. you can let go as soon as you
get fairly on.”

Up she got with much swishing of
shirts, and her companion walked
around her, looking for the side afford-
ing the most room. At length, after
much balancing and see-sawing, she
was fairly settled, and she raised the
penny, but instead of dropping it in,
said to the other:

“How stupid of you, Allie.
got your parasol in your hand.”

“And you've got your satchel,” re-
torted Allie. “That weighs more than
my parasol.” '

“Why, of course. I didn’t think of
that. Here, give me the parasol, and
I’ll put them both down.”

That being satisfactorily accomp
lished, the younger ' prepared to mount
the machine again, but paused as a
thought struck her.

“If we both get on how can we tell
what each of us weighs?" she inquired.
"We’ll both get weighed together.”

“Why, divide it by two, you goose,
cried her friend, triumphantly. “Come,
get up.”

“But I don’t believe that you’d be
right,” objected the tailor-made one,
“because that would make it just half
for each of us. wouldn’t it? And I
don’t weigh nearly as much as you.”

“Well, I know my weight, any way?’
said the bigger one; “so we can tell
your weight by subtracting that.”

“Then, if you know your weight,
what’s the use of your getting weighed
at all?" 1

“Why, it may have changed, mayn’t
it? Allie, do be sensible.”

“I’m trying hard, but I haven't much
of an example to spur me on.” .

“If I could only spur you on to this
platform .I’d be satisfied. Goodness!
Don’t push me off! There. are you
fixed? All right. Drop in the cent and
HI do the figuring.” ‘ ‘

There was a click and a rattle from
the interior of the machine: then si-

You’ ve

lence. The indicator remained motion-
less. In vain did the girls pound its

face and jig madly upon the platform.
Not a wiggle could' they get out of the
needle. Then they started in and de-
nounced, with the wrath of outraged
honesty, the machine, the owner, and
inventor, and the railroad company in
whose station it stood. They declared
that they would write to the newspa—
pers and the police. They were very
much excited indeed. Quite a. crowd
had gathered around to watch their
manoeuvres, and it remained to hear
their oratory. When the first force of

looking twelve-year-old girl came for-
ward to the machine that had swallow-
ed the coin and turned over a white
placard which the two had not noticed.

"‘I think,” she said, with a judicial
emphasis upon the pronoun, “that it
served you right. To cheat a machine.
Two for a cent!”

With a lady Macbeth sort of gesture
she pointed to the placard. It read:
“This machine out _of Older."—Newfl
York Sun.

\V’or-se a'nd ‘Vorse.
Mrs. Brown——I have been so annoyed

 

club every night for a week.

Mrs. J ones—Why, so, has my husband,
and he said he hadn’t seen anything of
your husband for a week—Brooklyn

‘ the queen.

 

-—--—'. .....—~— ~._.,.._.-,_ ,~ > 'a

Life. '_ f ,*

)

 

CFFlCE BOY LAWYERS.

' Sudden Collapse of a, GrandiloquentBoast

by a Budding Limb of the Law.

In one of the big down town office
buildings, tenanted principally by law
yers, a Mail and Express reporter rode
down in an elevator car this morning
with two boys, who, to judge from
their conversation, were budding limbs
of the law. One of them was about 15
years of age, and the other perhaps a.
couple of years his senior.

“I had that judgment opened this
morning,” remarked the younger of the,
two, flecking the ashes from a cigarette.
“but I thought Giegerich was a little
slow about it.” '

“Ya-as,” drawled the other, “it’s cer-
tainly a great bore to have to spend so
much time in court. Remember my
bond and mortgage case in the Sn-
preme? “fell, it was enough to try any- ,
body’s patience. The trouble with some
of our judges, Frank, is that they don’t
know the rudiments of landlord and
tenant law. I cited Pebbles vs. Bub-
bles, and it knocked. him out. Where
are you bound?” '

"Oh. I’ve got a little corporation
matter on hand today,” was the reply.
"Receiver wants to be relieved. I don’t
know whether I’ll consent or not. I’ve

gota demurrer to argue besides, and
v) ‘

By that time the car, was at the
ground floor. A stout matronly woman
stood waiting to get in.

"Well, young man,”‘she said, address:
ing the boy who had been called Frank,
"I was just about to go up and give
you a talking to in front of your boss.
Why didn’t you get father’s shoes that
you took to be half soled.”

“Hush, mother,” whispered Frank,
as his face reddened; “I don’t want to
be talking about that down here. I’m
going to court.” ». ‘ " .

“You’re going to court, are you?” re-
sponded the stout lady in aloud tone.
“Very well, go to court, but if you
come home tonight without those shoes
you get no supper and don’t stir a peg
out of the flat the rest of the week? Do
you hear?” '

“Say,” said the elevator man as he
stuck his head. out of the car and
grinned, “you’ve run up against the
Chief 'Justice of the Supreme Court,
haven’t you '2 Gee- whizg”

OLDEST JEWELS IN THE WORLD.

They Decorated the ltlummy Remains of
an Egyptian Queen.

The earliest jewels the pedigree of

which can be traced, lie in the Museum

 

 

of Boolak, Egypt, says the Philadelphia ‘

Press. They belonged to Queen Aha.-
hopep, a queen of the eighteen dynasty
in Egypt, apparently some time between
1803 and 1591 B. C. There is, however,
much dispute as to the date of her
reign. In 1859 her tomb was opened by
M. Mariette, where it lay in the Valley
of the Tomb of the Kings.

When her coffin was opened a. re-
markable collection of precious stones
and jewels was found within. The,
most important of these was a. diadem
of gold and enamel set on the head of
This had an inscription in
gold on a. ground of lapis lazuli and a
sphinx couchant on each side. A small
porcelain cylinder is ornamented with
interlaced lotus flowers in intaglio, and
a gold drop inlaid with turquoise in the
shape of a fig. . To the center of a gold
chain is fastened a. scarabaeus of solid
gold inlaid with lapis lazuli, and a
bracelet of quite modern pattern is dec-
orated with figures in repousse, with .a
ground inlaid with lapis lazuli. 3 "

It is plain from this account that lapis
lazuli was the.m0st commonly used of
the precious stones. It is interesting to
observe that it is also mentioned in Job,
one of the oldest books in the world.
It is probable that the ancients did not
understand how to cut diamonds, ow-
ing to their hardness.

\ ’fie’r Relison. ‘ - "

The young man picked up his hat and
looked sadly at the lining. .

“There is no hope for me?” he asked
faintly. , ‘

' "None whatever,” replied the beauti-
ful girl, her eyes filled with compas-
sion. ' ' ’

When he reached the door he turned .1

toward her again. . ,

"I have to thank you for one thing,” ,5

he said bitterly. (
" “What is that?” she inquired. . I"
"You have not told me that you would
be a sister to me.” " i,
“I thought of that,” she rejoined,
hurriedly; “but I suddenly remem-
bered.”
‘ “What?” he asked, shortly, as she
stopped. .
"That I;promised, this morning, to
marry your father."——Brnn‘-rli-n~ Life.

-—r~——-—i’——»..J

 
 
 

. l r—. ‘