1
o
_ noodle as
-is used up
1 trying ill
give you a benefit this afternoon, but
_t'he ticket system goes into operation
, proposed for the defence of forts, the
their reminiscences,
"‘ to be almost continually at work on top
‘.t'or, Snow?" asked his visitors inlas~
_ $51.11 quite mildly for him. "That’s my
arr-five
_ have to give'up trying
-the second story of his place,
'1' n" E E v‘Enl 11151112113 "1‘ '1:
,1
OMMUTATl-ON COURTSHIP'.
The Old 211111 \' as'fi'llling to Do Right but.
“fished Matiexs 011 a Business Basis.
“Step into the library a minute,”
said Blufferty to the young Nincom-
T1e was admitted ’, by the
maxi. The old gentleman slammed
the drier and cut' loose.
“You call on my daughter, sir?"
“I have the pleasure occasionally.”
“Occasionally? Thunder and M111 's!
young 1111111; what would be your idea
of call-ing fl'e 111'11.tly You’re here
seven 11i_1'ht_s in the week, to sav noth-
ing of thiee or four matinees. This
continuous performance business has
got 'to 'be stopped.”
“Do—does Marcia object?”
“Miss Blufferty does not object, sir.
Mrs. Blufferty does not object. They
would like 110. give you the front room,
board you, adopt you, make a favor—
ite son of you. rBut I object, Mr. Nin-
comnoodle, and my objections are al-
ways sustained in this household.”
“You won’t forbid me calling at
all, Mr. Illui'ferty?”
“Not at present, sir; but I am going
to give you 111 occasional day and
evening off. \"e can‘t any of its stand
this astonishing c.onstal1cy. You see a
fellow trying to ring- the doorbell of
this little cal-111 110111 in my' hand?"
‘ "Yes, sir."
"Notice-that it's numbered from one
to seventeen'.’ Same principle as a
milk ticket."
“Yes, sir." '
“That's got to do you a month, sir.
Every tine you call the maid will
punch out a number. When the ticket
you can’t get in here till
the next month.
“And I'll be case keeper myself,
young man. Any bogus tickets, brib—
ing the maid, meeting 011 the sly or
any way to brace the game
against me means rthat you will be
kicked out bodily and kept out. I’ll
at sundown.”
LIGHTNING UP A WATER COLUMN.
One of Edison‘s Ideas Accidentally Tested
~l’ossibility ofElectricity in “'al'i'au'e.
When Edison some time ago said‘
that he could defend a fort against
an army if he were supplied with a
powerful dynamo and a tire engine,
many regarded the statement as one
of those little jokes with which the
inventor loves so well to relieve the
strain .of his almost incessant serious
work. He, pl't_1.p~o.<ed to connect the
hose to the dynamo and then start
both. The heavy current would pass
along the water, and any one advanc-
ing toward the fort on whom the jet
played would be instantly killed. This
has very nearly been done ill sober
earnest.
At a recent fire in the, basement of
the power house of the (‘hi 'ago City
{ailway Company the firemen had
great. trouble in getting at the blaze.
‘l‘hey had to chop holes ill the floor of
the dynamo room before they could
get a stream on 'the blazing pile of
waste. Not waiting for the dynamos
to be shut down. they crept through
the black smoke and turned a stream
on the names. In an instant they were
flung to the ground with great vio-
lence. and the hose was sent flying in
the air. A heavy current had passed
along the stream and had shocked
them. Though unconscious when res-
cued, they quickly recovered; but had.
the dynamo been as powerful as that
firemen would undoubtedly have met '
the fate that Edison has in store for
the enemies of,the Stars and Stripes.
Circumventing zabriel.
They were talking of contrary peo-
ple, and several remarkable stories
had been told, illustrative of that un-
desirable trait of human nature. The
man from Connecticut had kept still
for a long time. Finally, when the
'others appeared to have exhausted
he said,
"Old man Snow, as he was called
by every one ill the town. lived alone
ill a little house built against the side
of a great mass of rock. At the par-
ticular time I speak of, the neighbors
had fOr several weeks observed him
of this ledge in the rear of his shanty.
Two or three of them at last mustered
up courage. enough to go and see what
he was about. By breaking the stone
with an axe and putting in one charge
of‘ powder after another—small ones,
though, in order not to attract atten-
tion—he had cut a deep, oblong hole
down into the solid bedrock. 'The
stones which he had removed Were
lying 'are fully piled up near by.
"What on Ct'lllll are you doing that
tonishn‘lent.
,"'Welll I’ll tell ye,” answered the old
1 ve left orders to put me in
there w hen I die, and to pile all those
stones in solid'on top of lne. Then—
1alk about your Judgement Day!»
When Gabriel blows his horn, l'ain‘t
a-ccmia."
.9 ‘
A Hopeless Case.
The Senor Partner~—I guess we will
to get money
from Sharpe.
The Junior Partner—Really?
"It looks that way. Ills otlice is in
you
know, and he threw our last collec-
tor out of the window, where the man
fell through an awning, you remem-
her.”
“Yes.”
“Now he sends in a claim for the
damage to the awning.”—Cincinnati
Inquirer.
hIore Serious .Still.
I-Ie—Oh, Edith' you have broken
111y<—-— ' -,
She—Not your heart, sulely!
He—«No; my whole pockettul pf ci-
ga1‘s.~—Som 9,} ville J our
lull. .
,,
. l v
/ ALUI).
she
A FORGIVING WOMAN.
tier Husband Threw Her Down the Fir!
Locapc but She Stood by lliiu.'
The New York Sun tells of Big Jim
Col;l.l;l-y, the gas houSe laborer, who
was arrested for throwing his wife
from the fire escape of the flat where
rh(‘."“lived at 045 \Vest Forty-second
street, to the yard, two stories below.
Connolly happened to be b ‘ought be-
fore the court‘yesterday morning be-
cause his wife Anna, who is only 17
years old, was discharged on Satur-.
day from Bellevue Hospita where
she 121d been since the assault was‘
nadc.
When Connolly was brought into
wart, his wife was asked to take the
'.vitness stand against him. ’1 his she
refused to do. Nothing that the Mag-
;strate codld say would induce her to
testify against her husband. Finally,
after coaxing and pleading, Magis—
trate 11‘lanlme1' said:
"Young woman, if you do not tell
as, under oath, the facts in this case,
i'il commit you to prison for con-
tempt of court "
"l don t care fory
said Mrs. Connolly
prison if you like;
from me.”
"Make out the papers and commit
her," ordered the Magistrate.
With .a vision of a term of impris—
onment before her, Mrs. Connolly con-
cluded to go on the stand. She said
that her husband had not thrown her
from the fire escape, or even thought
of ii.
l’olicenlau Manning of the W'est
l1‘orty-scvellth street station, who ar-
rested Connolly, said that while no
zale actually saw the prisoner throw
.lis wife down1the fire escape, he
could produce two women tenants
11" the house who heard Mrs. Connolly
wry, as she clung to the escape before
.1111' husband pushed her off: "He‘s
tone it! He's done it!" The Magis-
rate diretted the policeman to plo-
1ce the witnesses.
Then there was a scene. Mrs. Con~
finding that her husband could
i'ric. fell upon his neck and
as if her heart would break.
'our commitment, "
"Send me, to
you'll get nothing
1111' gt
silth'tl
"0h, 3 '.dge! Let him go! Let him
:1.” she cried between subs. He
didn't: do it! He didn't do ill He
wouldn‘t do it! He wouldn'a do it.
"uh, Judge, let him :"0, or let me stay
with hi1!!! I wont leave him. He
1.1. as always a good boy. II c a we inc
all the l“Ullt v he earned at the gas
house and I put it in the b; 111k in my
11:: 'ne. and he 1101 el said a. word."
The husband and wife had to be
separated by court otlicers. \Yhen
(‘onnolly '1'; is led away to his cell his
wife fairly screamed:
"Let him go, I tell you. If you
don‘t let him go, I‘ll go out and kill
myself. Let him go! or my curse be
upon you! May you never live to see
the light of another day ill this court!
You're a line Judge! You judge noth—
ing. Let him go. I tell you! Oh, dear
Judge, let him go!"
A Considerate \Yolnan.
"lixcnsc me, sir,” .she said, as she
took her place at the head of the pro
cession—a place which strong and
brave men could have reached only by
y'ading through gore—"I would like
to ask you a question.”
"Certainly.”
“Are times really hard?"
"There isn‘t any use of trying to
conceal it. In a good many. branches
of industry the depression is very so-
rious.”
“l’ 111 ever so much obliged to you,”
responded, and turned to go
aw 1y
"If you were worrying about any
particular investment, I might be able
to give you some advice.”
“No. It wasn‘t anything especial.
I just wanted to satisfy myself ,that
times are hard. I don‘t really wish
to ,annoy my husband with my ex-
penses, and I thought the best thing
to do was to come and find out for
certain whether times are hard 01'
whether it is merely the same story
that he has been telling me every year
when. the styles come in.”——Washing~
ton Star.
I
Turned the Tables.
An Irish witness was being exam-
ined as to his knowledge of a shoot-
ing affair. '
"Did you see the shot fired?”
Magistrate asked. .
"No, sorr, I only heard it,” was the
evasive reply;
“That'evidence is not satisfactory,”
replied the Magistrate, sternly—
“stand down”
the
The witness proceeded to leave the.
box. and directly his back was turned
he laughed derisively. .
The Magistrate. indignant at this
contempt of court, called him back,
and asked him how he dared to laugh
in .court.
“Did y e see me laugh, Your Honor?”
queried the offender .
“No, sir, but I heard you,” was the
irate reply.
"That evidence is not satisfactory,”
Said l’ati, quietly, and with a twinkle
in his eye
And 1 .1is time every boc y
Magistrate. —Tid—
laughed
except the Bits.
Sot Necessary. .
Pastor—I hope you are a Christian,
my liflle man. Do. you say your
prayers night and morning?
The. Little Nan—Nope; only nights.
Pastor—Why don't you say them ill
the mornig, too?
The Little Man—W'ell, dis kid can
take care of hisself when he’s awake.
—Washington Times.
A Young One’s Philosophy.
“1'. pa, we’ll have to shingle
housca again.”
“W by, we did just last summer."‘
“I know, but mamma said the old
shingles we‘ve been using for kindling
Were all gone, so We e’ll have to have
some mole. ”~Dansville Breeze.
0111‘
IS OVER.
NOW is 3 TIM
To Subscribe for the
I
/
Uh
sible,
g>a<sswcs a
”Bra
Hinge
naces.
hinge pins,
useful
local coo filler.
FOUNDRllSSi—l‘1'-1\'id;'nce, R.l.
BOSTON (It'l't'n ~51: Union St.
n>esa
s<s>a<s>a<>a<a>s<s>s
’.'-\ g1!
' I";
out 1 "4.x. 4.9.5;
Pins
are placed upon all the doors of th eBay State Fur—
These pins are non corros
troubled with the doOrs sticking fast
neverthou'rht of looking at the 11inr1'e'pi'ns of“ .. {1'1 '11 too
to see \\ llcther they “More orass or not, but it is such
little improvements as this that make the I
Bay State perfect 111 every respect. .
Y or. would not buy a £11 l‘ll’lLC bcce. use it ha 1 brass
but if it 11 ad every till 110' else about it .s
y u wished, you would be glad that it had this \ ery
1nd important improvement.
larstow Stove Co.
228 Water St., ”New rfork
$5.4; Affléfi; M ”(1" £?:%
9:2;fiu‘3h aam‘clfitahqfl‘s‘g gfifé \
I
“fl§§:’a 3““? ‘W'mgrg a'flcws
“n" 4‘0 uwlb 8.1, ‘._(¢'. 1
. _;':,£ 1 3‘? ,
if? 93/ {[57} [I " ' 1151
“”“mi, in u
1" K :
placid"; 31,1:-
.' ‘.’,” - ‘1. '
' “ &
fie";
'C,am roll no veral‘ \féi
Completed
K
9 .1, ,-'.
)1 ‘
1;-
Q ‘
- p. I
.1
Consult your
d...l.
ensues
Edfi
q
a
7'1
v ‘\
PO.
EAnLY CALlE-C'Rl‘liA CH
How Commerce Crew in the
Golden State.
an vesse to enter
San Francisco, of which there is a
record, was the 12: gle, in 1816, com-
manded by (. '1pt. William II. Davis.
The first Europe
She 3111‘ .111 from Boston via the ‘antb
\'.' i...1 Islands and Alaskl She
hr ullL .111 assortment of goods which
{11.14.11 l‘t '.elation to the natives, and
their gill'izients of skins and hides
were 1:1: ..-aituted by the clothing of
civilization. l'aynlcuts were made in
hidel' tallow. soap and fish. The Ea-
gle then be 111110 engaged in the sea
otter trade, and was very successful,
a otters were plentiful ill this bay
and all along the coast. She made
three trips, netting about $23,001:) on
This stimulated others, and
no doubt. gave impe-
1,'1.'hi1,'h 1:;ade this
world, wars the
each trip.
this discov'3el' ,
tus to cellllnerce,’
port known to the
"Overland Monthly."
Commerce in these days, of manna
was carried on in what lliight be
te. med a "free.- and— easy" manner. 011
many articles the duty was 1011 per
cent. vhich practically amounted to
confiscation. or made s111u1'gli111g nec-
essary in self—defense. The Mexican
otilcials generally opened the. door.
l1‘requelltly vessels were permitted to
pass Montrey—the port of entry—
coming to Yerba Buena, and after
selling as much of the cargo as pos-
return to .Monterey for entry
and dispose of the remainder.
The shippers were not sworn as to
the value of the cargo; they gave fic-
titious invoices. and by thisflneans
would get off 011 the payment of $5,—
000 011 a $20, 000 cargot
.It became so customary to- Swindle
the government as to s‘carcely' excite
comment, except in cases where
goods were concealed in false linings
of the vessels, and the government
oflicials vere ontwitted.
A Curious Community:
In IIoboken, N. 1., there is a curi-
ous place known as “the old boat
graveyard,” where more than a hun-
dred canal boats, in various stages of
rottenness and repair are lying about
in the black mud or floating on the
tide. At least fifty families live on
these boats, some of whom have lived
there many years. ,Others are' wait-
ing only long enough for their boats
to be repaired. The “graveyard,” 1'
l1: sin,” has a community life of its
own, with a saloon and town pump.
The saloon is built on a canal boat
that was old fifty years ago. Never-
theless it is the most pretentious
building in the settlement. having
three doors and several windows, and
being freshly covered with green
paint. In front of it is the pump,
from vhich the occupants of the boats
procure all the water they need for
domestic and drinking purposes. The
old inhabitants pay wharfage for
their boats on the same' terms as
though the craft could really float.
This is a community in which nearly
every head of a family owns his home
out has not paid for a 1111' cc to keep
t. The boats belonging to the
settlers, it is true, could not be sold or
.z'iven away unless they were :zt‘ill to
be used as houses amt left in their
present places. The people who live
on them are not scrupulous as to their
surroundings and cheerfully accept
malaria and “skeeters” and all the
other ills attendant upon their state
of life.
__s.____.___.
Not A Proper Day.
At last a woman was ill the as-
cendant, and the'city officials had met
to discuss a matter of vitalvimporc
ance. '
"'1' think,” said the Mayorras she
looked in the office mirror to See if the
wind had taken the curl out of her
hair, “that we should have a special
meeting of the council to consider this
matter.”
“I quite agree with you,” said the
chairwoman of the Finance Commit-
tee. “What day and hour would you
suggest for it?”
“How would Monday afternoon at”—
It seemed as if she were interrupted
by, all the department heads at once.
“What!” they cried. “Bargain day
at the department stores!"
It was many months l:ei'c:'e the
Mayor 1' gained the prestige she lost
by that thoughtless remark .——Chicago
Post. ,
Two Phases.
"‘Pop, what is inertia?”
“Well, if I have it it is pure lazi-
ness, but if your mother has .it it is‘
nervous prostration.”—Chicago Re-
cord. _ ; '
Old '
Youth of the 2
l
facing
COIN/EON EXPRESSION”.
Shakespeare F111 lusnes an Allnost Unnam-
bcrable Onota of Them.
'11.
inc metaphor that struck our ances.~
tors as so admirable strikes us still,-
a 1d we continue 'to use the apt adjec—
tive which, first given ,by Shakes-
peare or Milton, sounds as fresh to-
day as when originally. applied.
The “bubble 11'epu-tatio1n, ” the “itch-
311.11,, 1111,1111 ” “the milk of human kind-
ne S' ,” rthe “undiscovered country,
“green -eyed monster,” still our favor
it'e synonyms for fame, cov etous'noss,
humanity, eternit'1.1nd jealousv'l
from Shakespeare, who has llfleed
furnished us with much of our small)
coin. Ills adjectives are thenroist
apposite, too, of any'in the language.
Quoting him. we speak of an “ancient
grudge," ot' "bated breath,” "this work-
ing—day world,” good set' terms,” “a
foregone conclusion,” “better days.”
"fell purpose,” “even-handed justice,”
“golden Opinions,” “11 charmed life,"
“a towering passion.” “a round, un-
varlrished tale,” “hairbreadth ’seapes,”
and many more common expressions
who. :11 list it were but “dafnnable iter-
at on" to extend. Verbal phrases of
his ale also of the most familiar. To
“dance attendance,” to “scotch the
snake not kill it,” -'to “applaud to tile
echo,” to "sup with horrors,” to “die
in harness,” “making night hideous,”
“a tale ' unfold,” to “out-Herod
IIerol ” to “fool to the top of his bent,”
to "c'udgel one“ brains,” to “speak
by the earl,” are some of the most
obvious examples.
Cleared by Five Feet.
Among the series of Thrnling Mo-
ments published by the Outlook is the
story of a narrow chance in the Irish
Channel at 10 o‘clock of a very foggy
night. The whistle of the Hooper, a
freight and cattle ship, was blowing
every ten seconds, when suddenly,
away off to starboard, came a thin,
squeaky whistle in return
sounded again, and this time it was
louder. '
A minute passed, and we whistled.
Another, and we blew again.
and then—But at the fourth, a loud,
long blast blew off abreast of us, so
near that it seemed as .if we must see
something. A moment later, high
above us, appeared three ghostly
masts, nearly in a. line.
Captam Murrell sprang to the tele-
graph, and almost instantly I could
feel a quiver run through the ship,
telling that the engines were being
reversed at full speed.
"Half a. dozen sharp commands were
given, calling all hands except the
watch aft. to clear away the boats.
Then a hull loomed up out of the fog.
“She’ll strike us right amidships,”
said Mr. Costello. the mate, close at
my ear. _
“Port your helm!” the captain cried
out to her. “You go full speed ahead.
We’re full speed astern.”
“Not a. sound in reply.
“No, she’ll catch us right abaft the .,
cathead,” whispered Mr. Costello.
I grasped the rail of the bridge with
both hands, from an insane idea that
the shock might throw me down
Then I distinctly remember laughing.
I did not think at all. I simply gur—
gled. and watched her crawl upon us.
“We'll catch her onthe starboard
bow,” murmured Mr; Costello, as the
011;: c 'aft pulled across our bows.
"No, right amidships. God help her!”
“ ‘-ll s clear by fiv-v-e feet!” came a
voice out of the foggfrom forward.
The chief officer turned to the cap-
tain, who was wiping his forehead.
"'11 close shave, sir!” . _
“It was the mercy of God, Costello!”
said the captain.
Instantly the crew of both vessels
began to shriek curses at each other:
and I turned at the sound, to see the
captain‘s wife on her knees on the
bridge in the fog and rain, with her
hands stretched high‘ above her head,
while the quartermaster, who had
turned away from his wheel, Stood
her with, head bare.
Impatient to Know.
A laborer fell from the top' of. a ten-
story building. He had reached the
third floor when his comrade leaned
over the par- met
“ lie ye hurtes Mike?”
"Wait-:wait!” gasped the falling one.
11 ______.__ Y
1' A Frightful 41ternative.’ .
Et- 1131 (very rich)—-If I accept you,
you will have to give up smoking and
drinkinv.
Bob (very poor)——If you don’ t' accept I ‘
me, I’ll have to give up, smoking, drink
c..ting. ,
”l4-
1., 11.".
l’el'h 113:; you ‘1-2, 1
” the '
ill‘9.
1 Then it I
A third;
.\
and yelled: wildly: :'
'~ -«._~\
-s
Norwalk Chronicler