Norwalk gazette, Friday, August 27, 1897 · page 10

 

 

 

MUCH IN LITTLE. '"

 

It‘s curious. whut a sight 0' good a little
thing will do;

How ye kin stop the fiercest storm when it
begins ter brow.

An' take the sting from whut commenced ter
rankle when ’twus spoke.

By keJepin’ still an‘ treatln’ it e7. if it wus a

oek

Ye‘ll Jfind thet ye kin fill a. place with smiles
instead 0’ tears,

An’ keep the sunshine gleamin’ through the
shadows of the years

By jes laughin’.
Folks sometimes fails ter note the possibili-
‘ ties that lie

In the way yer mouth is curvin’ an’ the twin-
kle in yer eye;

It ain t so much whut‘s said that hurts el
w hut ye think lies hi d:

Itiai'n‘t so much the doin’ ez the way a thing
is did.

A‘h’ many a home 5 kcp’ happy an' contented
d ay by (lav.

An’ like e7. not a kingdom hez been rescued
from decay

By jes laughin’.
—Washington Star.

LADY DILIEES.

'”. BY HORACE EATON WALKER.

 

,__

“I am distracted!” said Lady
Dilkes. “Mamma’s nurse won't do
anything but the sick-room cooking,
the last servant has gone. I want my
luncheon, and I am helpless and
alone!" And she sat down in the mid-
dle of the great kitchen, almost weep-
ing.

Everybody called Laura “Lady,” be-
cause she was a lady from the crown
of her golden head to the arched i11-
step of her small foot. She had treat<
ed the servants well; but one had run
away with the coachman, and the last
had painted her cheeks and eloped
with the Spangled clown of a travel-
ing circus. So :Lady had every rea-
SOn to be distracted.

“For,” she said, lugubriously, vexed,
too, just a little bit, “I know no more
about taking care of horses than a
butterfly; and as for kitchen work, I
know very little of that.” And she
commenced nibbling her finger nails.

This. of course, helped the matter
exceedingly; but it did not feed and
groom the great black steeds, neither
did it fry the fritters for luncheon.

“I might lunch at the baker’s, have

the milkman groom my horses; and
drive to town for dinner; but—”
A little red rose came in eiiher

check, her large eyes looking for all
the world as if they were lighted by
10ve; and love it was; for on this very
day she expected Arthur Balfour.

“And to think of it!” she continued.
“I have not seen him since I was a
little girl in short frocks; but we have
been engaged by letter, by telegraph
and telephone, for the last ten years;
and for the last ten years he has been
promising to cross the ocean just to
see me And here I am, with no ser-
v at, no coach-man, and with as little
knowledge of culinary things as pos-
sible. The new cook is not due until
to-morrow, and Arthur is sure to
come to-day. What shall I do?

She pondered a while, her pretty
face all puckered up, and then laughed
sudden-1y. .

“I ‘kn_owi’ I’ll be my own kitchen
maid! I’ll out on a cotton frock and
a cap, daub some flour on my face,
roll up my sleeves, and when Master
Arthur arrives, I’ll just say to him
that Miss Dilkes is indisposed, has
the toothache or something equally ar-
istocratic, that Miss Dilkes is ill, and
1, Mary Jane Small, am the only ser<
vant in the house, and he‘d better go
to a hotel for a day or so. Yes, that
will do famously!”

In a very few moments she had me
tamorphosed herself into a trim
kitchen maid; and she had not a min-
ute to spare for just as she had settled
her can there sounded th-ree sharp
raps on the kitchen door. In a flut-
ters she opened it just an inch, for fear
her visitor might be a tramp.

“Good-mornin’; is dinner most,
ready?” and a tall young man stood
before her, a jammed soft hat pulled
down to his eyes, and his form en-
cased in corduroy.

Laura gasped, started back,
said.—

“Arc you a tramp?”

“No, my clear, but hearin’ as how a
coachman was wanted here, I thought
I would apply for the situation. i
heard that the last coachman eloped
with the kitchen gi1l, and as I’m pret;
ty. good lookin’ when l 111 dressed up,
I didn’ t know but I might elope with
the young missus; I’m told she's pret-
tv."

“Oh!" gasped Laura, shocked by his

and

audacity. “How did you hear all
this, pray?“
“Common report; I heard it from

the corner bootblack, the mornin‘
milkman, everybody! So I thought I‘d
take my chance. Do you want a
coachman? I understand horses bet-
ter than I do the alphabet."

“Yes, we want a coachman. but—"

“My recommendations? I haven‘t
any. But. come, now, if you’ll speak
a good word for me to the missus, I'll
raise your pay when I marry her.”

“You are'quite sure you will marry
her?” said Lady, almost forgetting the
part she was playing in her indigna-
tion. '

“Well, 'I don’t know; I thought I’d
come and look her over first, kind of
on the sly, and see how she suits."
said the young man, coolly. “If she’ s
as pretty as you are, my dear, I shan’t
hesitate to make her Mis. Jameson aI
once.”

0 “Thank you for the compliment to
us both,”’ said Lady, raising hex
head a trifle.

“Not at all; it’s the truth. I know :1
pretty girl when I see one.’ 1.111111
stole a glance at him; he had re111o1. 11:. ’
his hat, and she saw that he was :in
cidedly handsome—the sort of nice.
that Women Spoil: That accouu
,for his easy assurance, though
course he was only joking. after "

fashion of his class. She. hoped '

Arthur would .be as hands-:1 11:1

’ surmised the ldok, and as the: 1 e. .

 

 

 

WEEKLY

met, for some reason both colored. He
went on hastily, “Well, what do you
say to my offer? IS it a go?"

“Of course not! You are importi-
neut. Jameson. But you seem honest.
and we need a coachman very much,
so you may come in. Be seatedL and
I ll go and consult missus about your
position.’ And leaving him in pos-
session of the lower part of the
house, the great silver pitchei and
the solid silver spoons, Laura. flitted
from the room.

"She has fine eyes,” said the man in
corduroy. “And how gracefully she
walks! She looked dubious about my
chances with Miss Dilkes, and no
wonder. ‘You are impertinent, Jame-
son!’ ” He laughed softly. “Neverthe-
less, the marriage will take place very
soon, my dear." '

A rustle of skirts, a patter of feet,
and Lady re-entered the kitchen, say-
lug,—

“Mrs. Dilkes will hire you for a
week on trial, and she has delegated
me to show you about the barn and
explain the duties of your position.”

So Laura preceded Jameson, as he

called himself, out to the barn, where I

she tiptoed around so daintily, and
lifted her cotton skirts so gracefully
that he paid more attention to her
than to the duties of his new position.

“A lady, and as pretty as a picture,”
he muttered, pulling at his mustache,
and dropping into a fit of meditation.

“The horses have not been groomed

this morning. You’d better attend to!

them at once,” said Lama.

 

houw

11611111111 or PATTI.
‘CRAIG—Y-NOS AND ALL ITS WONDER-
FUL ATTRACTIONS;

The Regular Routine of the Every Day
Life of the Great Diva—How She Enter-
tains Her Guests—The Love She Inspires
from Servants. I
Patti’s beautiful castle, with its

sixty-five rooms, is situated in a pie-
turesque spot among the Welsh moun-
tains,. in South Wales. It has been
brought to a state of perfection, and
so far as earthly possessions go is all
one could desire.

The outside attractions are no less
perfect, with gardens, conservatories
and hothouses, Where one can pick
strawberries, a pear or a bunch of
grapes any day in the year; the stables,
with superb horses and carriages; the
dog kennels, with tin rarest breeds in
the canine world; the beautiful lake.

Iwith 'its rowboats, and the fishing
stream, where Nicolini enjoys keenest
; sport.

The regular routine of the home life

9 of the great diva is so well ordered
I that it is rarely varied. She neverdrives
Ion Sunday, believing that the coach-
I men and the stablemen should have a
' day with their families to rest or at-

tend one of two churches—English and
Welsh, supported by her.

Patti entertains her guests royally.
From the moment one leaves the sta-
tion in London it seems as if the

Jameson was staiing at lief—DINO?) I thoughtfulness and power of Patti are

abl) because, though he had traveled
about much in his day, be novel had.
before beheld so aristocratic a servant
girl.

“And Jameson, if you run ac1oss a
good kitchen maid I—M1s.Dilkes—I

mean, authorizes you to employ her, I quious at once

in evidence. On reaching Neath, twen-
ty miles from the castle, a transfer is
made from the main line to a narrow
gauge ro-.ad A telegram has notified
the officials that her guests are expect—
ed, and eveiy employe becomes obse-
On leaching Penwy lit

and at 511011 good “ ages that 0111' new I station, carriages and livelied 003(11-

coachman cannot induce her to eiope.’ I
“Yes,” said Jameson, still so ab
stracted that he did not notice Laura's
little joke. I
“Now, as you understand your du-I
ties, I will go and tell Mrs. Dilkes how ‘
well you have learned your lesson.”

“But it’s near noon, and I’ve not. had
a bite to eat since sun-set yesterday,” '
said the new coachman, who seemed
in no hurry to begin his duties.

A flush came to Lady’s fair cheeks,
for cooking this man‘s breakfast was
simply out of the question. She had
read of a pinch of this, a pinch of
that, a little lard, one egg, :1 cup of
milk, and a lump of butter; but what
would such a combination of ingredi-
ents made passed her understanding.
Suddenly a happy look irradiated her
features; it was only yesterday that
Margaret had run away, and there
were the remains of, a. cold joint, a
few doughnuts, a loaf of bread. But
the pantry was empty; Margaret and
her thrifty lover had emptied it.
Blushing like a rose, she said, —

“There’ 5 nothing in the larder. But
here’s a quarter.” The blushes deep-
ened; she found it hard to offer money
to this voung man with the laughing
eyes. “Just slip out to the restaurant,
and when you return—”

“Nothing cooked, eh?”
son.

“Positively nothing,” Laura gasped,
getting more confused than ever; for
she knew her deception must come to
light verv'soon. And how persistent-
ly he was looking at her!

“But you can cook me something;
I’m not particular.”

“I can’t!” cried Laura, helplessly.

“A kitchen maid, and can‘t cook?”

Lady could have fainted, but she
didn’t; the only thing she seem-ed to
be successful in was stammering and
blushing.

“Then how did you get the flour on
your nose? And what are your sleeves
rolled up for? Luckily, however, I
can cook. Show me where the things
are, and I’ll have luncheon ready in a
trice.”

Laura led him to the pantry, and in
a very short time he had the yellow
coffee poured in two cups, the steam-
ing fritters done to a turn, an ome-
lette browned to a T, the table spread
to a nicety, and everything arranged
in apple pie order.

“Tramps have to learn these things,"
he said in explanation. “Come, take
this chair, I’ll bet a glass of wine
you’re hungry as I am.”

And indeed she was. Nevertheless.
she hesitated to accept his invitation.
She felt strangely shy all at once.
There was something odd about this
man: his movements were graceful,
his hands white and well caied for.
In spite of his rough corduroys he
seemed a gentleman.

“\Vho are you?” she faltered.

He laughed.

“So you’ve found me out? \Vell,
tell me why you a1e posing, and I'll
1etu1n the compliment. ”

“I’m not posi 11g.”

“But you are no servant.”

“Neither are you a coachman.”

“Well, I’m a cook, for I served at
Delmonico’s. Oh, Lady, my own La-

said Jame-

 

 

' the world plays all the operas in which

 

dy Dilkes, why are you down in the,
kitchen in a servant’s toggery, your
blessed nose all flour, and a big ‘scare’
on your face? Did you think I should
not recognize you at once, you little
daning?"

“0'11! oh! It‘s Arthur!” cried Laura, I

with a blush that quite put to sh:- me
all that had gone before. “How could
you steal such a march on me, sir?
But never mind that now—I’m dread~
fully hungiy. Yes, I’ll have some of
the omeiette, if you please.”

And the 1.1.111 and the maid ate joy-
ously together.

Material Want-ed.

Friend. How are you getting on?

Seedy Author. Good. I’ve got the
maiter in hand for a Splendid con:.-.:y
besides.

“You are fortunate.”
“Yes; all I need now is If” rin:
for a new pair of trousers."
Weekly.

 

 

men and footmen me in waiting, and

, the beautiful drive of three miles be-

gins, winding up and towaitl the cas~
tle, through magnificent scenery.

On each side of the main entrance
are stationed ten men in livery—the
upper house servants. Passing through
this line into the spacious hall, the
guests we most c01dially leceived by
Mme. Patti. . '

If the a1rival is at 5 o’clock, as it is

usually arranged to be, tea is imme-j

diately served in the summer garden,
which is a beautiful room, inclosed in
glass, encircled with flowers and

:palms, and which adjoins the conser-r

vatories.

An automatic piano plays during the'
service of this dainty repast. The
guests are. then at liberty to enjoy,I
themselves to their liking till the din-I
ner hour at 8 o’clock, when every one
appears in full dress. Patti is always
magnificently attired, and sparkling
with gems. Only on state occasions is’
dinner served in the elegantly appoint-
ed dining-room. Patti generally pre-
fers the summer garden, with its flow-
ers and music.

After this sumptuous meal every one
goes to the music-room. Here the long
est automatic orchestral instrument in

Patti has sung. Oftentimes Nicolini
plays on one of his priceless violins or
some visiting artist contributes to the
musical hour. On rare occasions
Patti‘s divine voice is heard in some
simple melody. She is especially fond
of negro songs, and when she sin-gs

“Mass-11’s in the Gold, Gold Ground” ‘

every eye is suffused with tears.

At 12 o’clock Patti gives the signal
for retiring, and on reaching her room
touches a bell, which notifies all the
servants that they are to retire, and
only the watchman is thereafter alert.

In every corridoramaid is stationed
to obey the slightest wish of the
guests. Before retiring she asks the
visitors when and how their light
breakfast shall be served. The menu,
includes every luxury, and one's meali
can be ordered the same as when in :1.
hotel.

Patti attends to her voluminous cor-
iespondence in the early morning, notI
appeari11.,1_.,r till the regular breaktast’
hou1—1 o clock—when a rare and deli~
rate feast is spread.

Perfect liberty of enjoyment is ac-
corded to every visitor, driving, row.-
Ing, tennis, billiards and bowling be-
ing among the recreations enjoyed. If
one ti1es of looking at the pheasants,
which me one of the hobbies of Nico-.
Iini there is a room full of all kinds‘
of birds—parrots who talk and sing,
with almost human intelligence; mock-f
Ing birds, magpies and numberless ca-I
uaries. l—Ie1e Patti’ s divine voice may;
he heard singing some exquisite arias,
which the bi1ds try to imitate. I

Whenevei Pat ti goes out, the peas-
1n~ts, who fairly worship he1,fall 011
the'i knees in homage, so conscious are
they of the blessings scatte1ed by he1
bountiful hand.

Twice every year Patti gives two
concerts, one at Neath, the other at
Swansea, for the benefit of charity,
and always several thousand dollars
are raised. All the artists who assist.’
sometimes twenty-five in number, are
-nvited from London at Patti’s own ex.
pense, and entertained royally at the
castle. On their departure each artist
Is presented with some costly trinket,
wi1.ch is probably a souveni1 of one

 

 

11f the most delighIful experiences in

life.

 

At the Boarding "0115:.

First Western-er—“Pete allus was an
mquisitive cuss.”

Second Westerner—“Allus! I knowed
him to d1i11k a glass 0’ plain sod)‘
waim j st to find out what it was
like. ’——Puck. ,

—_'____ l
APassion for Investigation.

Bowie Knife Ben (almost in tears)—
An‘ ter think that me, who carved
Grizzly George all ter pieces, an’ he
tvuz the toughest nut in Bloody Gulch,
should meet me match in a measly lee-
Ile chickenl—New York Journal.

ALK "

 

 
 

OLD STYLE FLOUNCES'WORN. ‘1

Point d'Esprit Not with Strong Mesh
Again to be \Vorn.

(By Special Arrangement with the N.Y. Sun.)

Puflings are perhaps the latest feat-
ure in the details of fashion which re-
quire skilled hand sewing to make a.
success, but tucks set in closely to;
gether to resemble accordeon plaiting
are very popular for yokes, epaulette
collars and vests, and certainly take
the lead in the number of stitches
which can be distributed in a given
space. . "

 

The old-fashioned Spanish flounce
with rows of insertion set in above?
the hem is one of the whims of fash-.
ion among the organdie gowns, but the;
new model is knife plaited, which adds
very much to the effect. Rows and
rows of lace insertion set in around
the plain portion above the flounce
make the gown more dressy and serve
to dispose of unlimited quantities of.
lace, both of which seem to me de-
sirable points to gain. One pretty pale
yellow organdie has an accordion-
plaited back in the waist and a yoke
of lace in front, with a lace- edged
bertha for a finish.

 

Organdies in the plain tints of yel-
low, pink, and especially gray, are the
latest things in thin gowns, and some
of these gowns have a flowered taffeta
silk lining which gives them a very
novel appearance. Gray Swiss mus-
lin made over gray taffeta silk and
finished with a yellow or pink satin
sash and collar makes a charming
dress. Silk mull and chiffon are both
very popular for sashes and soft belts
on thin gowns, and they are sometimes
edged all around with lace. The pret-
tiest white organdies are trimmed with
yellow lace, which is also used on the
blue and white foulards in preference

 

to white. Black and White effects,
alone or in combination with colors,
are very fashionable, and all sorts of
methods are employed to produce a
variety in this contrast. Black lac:
over white lace forms the ruffles or
one gray silk gown and a black 121..
dress made over white silk, with
lavender chiffon belt and sash is tl.
most desirable gown a matron ca.
have for semi-dress occasions.

Point d'esprit net is coming int.
favor again, and the new variety has 1.
strong mesh which makes it more d111-
able for gowns than the old. His my.
always supplied with the regulatic'
4" 1 :l "t comes in pretty light coic-

' ‘f fleckand white.

the drive each

 

 

GAZETTL

CHEAP DRIVES FOR INVALEDS.

IX foam: Woman’s Clew-r Scheme 2-”-
Turning an Haves t’eruv.

These are the days when e1.'..1ry:,-:1-
is twisting and contriving to vary.
money outside of the 1egu‘ar sources of
income. Women have ‘ frequently
shown themselves even better at t11..~
sort of contriving than men. 011;:
clever little woman, who. in better
times, used to drive about with her
own horse and surrey managed to pay
for the keep of the horse, which was a
family pet, by taking out invalids for
a. drive. The sick people. too, were
bent upon economy, and only too
thankful for the opportunity of getting
a drive for the small sum she 'charged,
Her plan was this:

She had a regular scale of prices.
Thirty-five cents took one pass iiger to
the nearest pa tie”; and back, 50 cents for
a longer trip, and so 011. She planned
her trips in advance and took three
with her at a time. The invalids soon
found that the companionship was as
pleasant as the drive, and no one. see-
ing the bright hostess chatting merrily
with the paralyzed old gentleman on
the front seat, while a pale young
woman and an older one listened on
the back seat, guessed that it was
anything else than an attractlve family
party. A purse hung over the back of
the driver's seat. and some time during
passenger deposited
therein the amount of his fare—Chi-
cago Times-Herald.

 

 

Tn Tell Oriental Rugs.

A test of the genuineness of an
oriental rug or carpet, which :1 Con-
stantinople gentleman says is sure, is
to examine carefully, to see if each
stitch is knotted, instead of trusting to
those easily put on marks of age—
patches, holes and crooked places. If
the stitch is knotted and firm, the rug
is genuine; but, if the stitch can be
pulled out, it is imitation, no matter
how closely the original rug may have
been copied in pattern or colored. An

riental dealer’s test is to drop a live
coal on the rug. and when it has
burned a little to remove it quickly
\11th the fingers. If the scorching en-
tirely d 1 appears, leaving the original
colors unaltered, it is proof of the
gen 1.111iz. 161958 of the rug—St. Louis
(lithe Del noc1at.

 

WIT AND HUMOR.

Lady (to applicant. for position as de-
m estiCI—My goodness! This reference
is signed by Mrs. Upton

Applicant—Yis, mum, she signed it
herself, mum, after I’d been there a
w-.1 ice, mum.

“But Mrs. Upton lias'been dead for
twenty years.”

“Is that so? Wull! wall!“ it’s wan
place afther another Oi’ve been gettin’
on that char-ac-ter fur twinty-foive
years, an’ Oi niver heard before that
the poor leddy was dead. Hiven rest
her sow 1!”—New York Weekly.

Visitor (in insane asylum)—What is
the nature of that poor fel-low’s hallu—
cination?

Keeper—He thinks that he invented
the various terms used by golf play-
ers.

“Of course, it isn’t true?”

“Oh, no! He is merely a lunatic, not
an idioti"—-Puck.

Mr. Rooney—So yer poor bye; Mike,
Was ain't up fer loii’e, Missis McCaf-
ferty. Sure. that do be a long sin-
tince.

Missis McCafferty—Yis, Misther Roo-
ney, but he do be that dilicate in hilth
I don‘t think he’ll live to complate it.

German Corporal (to soldier)——Why is
the blade of a sabre curved instead of
straight?

Private—“It is curved in order to
give more force to the blow."

Corporal—“Humbug! The sabre is
curved so as to fit the scabbard. If it
into the crooned scabbard, blockhead ?”

Benevolent Party (cheerfully)—-“I see
Mr. Edison expects to cure blindness
by electricity."

Blind Man (gloomlly)-—“Yes; these in-
ventions are always driving some poor
man out of business.”

 

 

Miss Millng’ton—How in. the world
did you ever succeed in cultivating a
taste for Wagner?

Mr. CIarkson—Well. I don’t know,
unless it came to me while I was work-
ing next door to a boiler factory.—
Cleveland Leader.

 

“Do you think, Harry, you could in-
duce one or tWo boys to come to Sun-
day school?" “I could bring one," he
replied; “de udder fellers in our alley
kin lick me.”—Ch.icago News.

 

Teacher (angrily)—“Why don‘t
answer my question, Bobby?”

His Brother Tommy (answering for
him)—-“I-‘l'ease. sir, he’s got a pepper-
mint in his speech.”

 

you

.1th Peasley-l see by the Clarion
that they’re goin' to bring the log of
the Mayflower over here.

Hiram Harrow—Gosh! I didn’t
s’pose there was a splinter of the old
boat left.——’I‘winkles.

She—“Do you know,
has forbidden you the house?"
He—“I‘o1bidden me the house! 1

never asked him for the house. His
daughter is good enough for me.”
The Tragedian—“I understand,

Muggs has set to work to improve the
condition cf the stage.” The Comedian
—"Oh. I hadn’t heard before that he
had given up acting.”—Yonkers States-
man.

“Well, Willie," asked grandma,
“have you had all the dinner you
want?”

“N0
all I can eat.” 1

\.

 
 

 

Harry, father ,

” answered Willie, “but I have .._

 

 

liAN SAS WIND STORMS

eXPERIENcss THAT HER cmzst
LIVE TO RELATE.

In the Efl‘ete East the Statement that
County’ Lines Are Moved by Cyclones
May be Regarded With Suspicion. but
There Are Others More Wonderful.

A Kansan abroad recently found a
crowd that did not seem to appreciate
his conversation ebncerning the con-
Spiracy of the foreign capitalists to
compel the populist farmers of Kansas
to pay their honest debts, so he pulled
out his stock of tornado stories, hoping
to attract attention, says the Kansas
City Times. -"._

“I saw a eyelOne once,‘i Said 1111,,
“that picked up a. straw stack and
moved it a mile and put it back,- straw
on straw, as it was."

Two or three of the auditors inane-a
and the Kansas an tried it again:

“Another time, said he, "I saw :1
twitter suck sixty, gallons of molasses
out; of a. barrel in front _of a grocery
store and distribute it to every family
in town who had a bucket out on the
back step for the milkman.”

He cleared his throat and began
again:

“Back in the seventies, we had a ter-
rible cyclone in Western Kansas. It
blew the cracks out of the fences,
pulled a cistern out of the ground,
moved a township line and changed

- the day of the week.”

This last fusillade induced one of the
listeners to speak up. He said: "I do
not know much about cyclones, but
once when I was at sea. I saw a water.
spout pick up tons of water and carry
It a. mile and”——

“Hold 011,.” cried the Kansan; “if you
are going to degrade the conversation
to the level of. a common lying contest
I will retire.” And he got up and
walked away pompously.

Another man with an unblushing
face told this story and expected people
to believe it:

"I was out in. Kansas last summer,
and the first cyclone, of course, I went
down in the cellar, like‘ other folks.
The next thing I knew the cellar went,
too, rolling over and. over like a. silk
hat. I was soon spilled out. With
Infinite labor I crawled back in the
teeth of the wind, intending to take
refuge in the hole the cellar came out
of it. To my consternation, I found
that that had blown away also.”

A prominent Kansan is accredited
with telling this:

“Tell you what’s a fact- I.- have

’known it to blow twelve days and

nights on a. stretch and hold a sheep up
against the side of a barn until he
starved to death.”

Probably the story which better it-
lustrates the position of the populist
farmer in Kansas than any one. in re-
cent years, is this:

Kansas Man (visiting in the East):
Yes, sir. Kansas is the country for
the farmers. Look at her vast prairies
covered with crops so heavy that they
make whole counties sink down in the
middle. Look at her corn crop, so vast
that it crowded township lines into the
river.

Same Kansas Man (at the populist
meeting in his own neighborhood)—
Fellow sufferers—Dry weather. Hes-
sian flies and goldbugs prey like vam-
pires on our State. Our once fair state
is plastered over with mortgages so
heavy that we have to bore a hole
through them with an augur in order
to plant corn. Rouse, ye slaves!”

A country editor not far from Sum-
merfield, just after receiving a cord of
wood, and a. big supply of vegetables on
subscription, dipped his pen in the ink
and dashed this off: “When you talk
about there being a better state than
Kansas, every potato winks its eye,
every beat gets red in the face, every
onion gets stronger, every oat field
is shocked, the rye strokes its beard,
:he corn pricks up its ears, and every
foot of ground kicks.”

There has been a-. premium offered
for the capture of théman who started
this clever lie: “A Kansas farmer
planted his farm in popcorn and gath-
ered it into his barn. The barn took
fire, the corn popped and filled a ten
acre field. His old mare, thinking it
a. snow storm, lay down and froze to
death.”

I

 

 

General Hancock’s Vindication.

When the gallant General Hancock,
the Democratic candidate for President
in 1880, said that the tariff was large—
ly “a local issue,” he was much laughed
at. But the votes of Senators of all
parties during the last session have
gone far towards justifying his remark.

We have seen Southern Senators cal-
ling themselves Democrats voting for a
duty on cotton and supporting the de-
mands of both the sugar growers and
the sugar trust on the plea that they
benefited their section. More recently
a number of Republican and Pepulist
protectionists, voting with the South-
ern Democrats, succeeded in getting
cotton bagging, cotton ti es and burlap
sacks put back on the free list. Again
it was the “local issue” that con-trolled.
Again principle was spelled with an
‘8‘.”

 

Out 01' Humor.
Editor—Mr. Cose, your jokes have
,ost all their humor here of late.
What’s the trouble?
Joe Cose—I guess I’m not well. I’ve
felt rather funny for a week past,—
Philadelphia North American.

 

Sheriff '(to trembling prisgner)_
Brace up! Don’t let them think you
we afraid to die.

The Condemned (lnd’ignantlyyrl’m
Jot, but—ugh! hurry and get it over.

 

 

 

‘7