u . Q “_ V.” .‘ ._, __ _ .,_. . ..—..,. .... ..... ‘_..p --1i-- 7» ~~v- —- .. .,,-— - ...-,_».....,>_.._...- .. ..- .. .‘.l. -. V01“ 16, i NORWALK, coNN. TUESDAY, MARCH 5, 1833. . NO. 1o. 1 A g g _ , _, _ ,. I .-V . K h . , -, L}, . , _ __ “"‘_‘w - ‘”"’.j_ which were likely to be discussed; the iii- Dretty they were—&_sug‘gested to.Mrs..Inlia though I pin to public speakirig,"_(uiid here to require. It is not ciistoimuzy, mnong public d(5|,,n,,,tj,,.,_ \Vhg,t shomd I say? ROE I-‘R1 ' dependent champion, would have no nay— that she should get Mr. VV. to give her :1 I felt so little awed by my situation, that I gentlemen, however, to discuss these niat- there was no time for coiislfleration; and if F rum the Saturday _Eoem'ng Post. THE MURDERER. It was a dreadful night. The tempest raged with fury unrestrained, The rain in torrents fell ; and ever and anon, i'J'he vivid lightning flashed: l”“ml“l"S' ’\Vith lurid glare, the gloomy ililrkness "I ‘The scenery. And then the voice of God .1" ,h._mder spake, majestically loud : _ And at the sound of it, the Etlrth did qiiake ~And tremble. All nature seemed convulsed. It Was a night well suited for the unhallowed deeds ‘Of wicked men. The sons of men, throughout the village, Ilad retired within their habitations Some to their couches; others around ‘The cheerful fire assembled, hold converse About Him, who rules the tempest. and whose nod ‘The winds obey ; and offered up their heartfelt thanks ‘To Him, that tln.-y were thus protected from the storm, And prayers for those among their fellow-men, ’VVho were that night exposed to all its fury. All had retired save one. He, with stealthy step, Tlirough the thick darkness of the night, his lonely Path pursued; and as he stole along——fearful Lest man should see him, but forgetting Iliin ‘Who is Oniniscient—-thus communed with himself; “Aye, I havesworn it. and it shall be done. “ I loved her most truly, most sincerely. 2‘ That love she has despis'd, and now ’tis turned '°‘ To hate. T-i-morrow is appointed for “ Her wedding day—-the day that’s to unite “‘ [lot to the man whom she most truly loves, "“ And Ias truly hate. And now I’ll be " Revenged; that morrow she shall never see.” At length he reacli’d the house,where dwelt the object Of his thoughts. All within was dark and silent, Save where a single glimmering light shone, As a beacon, for to guide him to her amber. Slowly and silentlx he climbed " a tree that did o’erlook her window. There S e knelt; the beautiful, the innocent, At prayer; in sacred commune with that Holy Being, who is to all human eyes, Invisible; but, whose all pervading Spirit our every action sees, and knows Our-inmost thoughts. And as she prayed, the holy Pleasure which she felt within, glowed on her ‘Countenarice, and rendered still more beautiful *1-ler -beauteous ‘features. To see her thus, In humble adoration kneeling, Unconscious of the danger near, did for A moment, make the that-rl*rer's heart relent; But thoughts of vengeance soon from his bosom Drove all k-indlier feelings, and nerved liiru , To his purpose. And now the deadly weapons Raised and pointed ‘at its object. He pulls The trigger, but the moisten’d powder does Refuse to work his murderous design. Muttering an oath, the priming he ‘replaces: And again he aims the weapon at her heart. His hand is on the trigger placed——sudden The lightning flashes with tremendous glare. The tree in flames shoots forth; the deadly Weapon is in atoms rent, and he, who was A moment since, on murder dire intent, Upon the ground extended lies, a stiff And blackened corpse. IIIISCELLANY. From the London Metropolitan. SPEECHIFYING. VVliat a horrid thing it is to make speech- ‘es I \Vhat a vile custom is that of drinking licaltlisl VVe have no objection to pledg- ing the ladies, kind souls, during the cere- mony of dinnt-r—providing they are not present in an overwhelming majority; now we can elongate our necks, and smile‘ and bow as bewitchingly as the best of ’em; but, for that horrible fashion of toasting one another when the ladies are in the drawing- rooin, and making speeches on the streiigtli of it, we have the most thorough abhor- ance, in a general way, we are no fools- at least, in our own opinion: we have fre- riiiently pozed the parson on the subject of Caholic Emancipation, and dumb-founded the doctor in metaphysics’: we have battled with the squire for an hour together about “ the poor allotment system,” and have talked down his lady herself on the import- once of feminine patronage in advancing the prosperity of British manufacture. In addition to this, we are proud to write our- selves Fellow of the Antiquarian Society, and a poetical correspondent of the Gen- tleman’s Magazine. Notwithstanding all these advantages, however, no sooner have we unseated ourselves to return thanks at a public dinner, for the honor conferred upon us by drinking our healths, and so forth, than every faculty appears to forsake us—- decanters, glasses, snuff-boxes, seem to swim before our eyes, and in a very short time our head appears to catch the infection, and to be swimming off amongst them. We can feel for a poor distressed bird who is charm- pd beneath the gaze of the basilisk; but 0 I what is that to the horrid fascination of a whole tablcful of eyes, your own face burning the while to such a degree, that you feel you must be looking very, very red. Such an ordeal is not to be borne; at least, we cannot hear it; and rather than subject ourselves to such a disagreeable predica- ment, we have forsworn public dinners ul- together. The last time I attended a scene of this kind, was at the little town of B , 3 par- liamentary borough,whicb had lately achiev. ed its independence, by sending up a mem- her of its own, and suffering a neighboring lord to send up another. My friend, the Honorable Adolphus Fitz Gun, was the in- - dependent champion and successful thirds- man ; ‘and, being at his house during the timevof the election feast, I was urged to attend. In-vain did I plead my hatred to public banquetting scenes; in vain did I re- present my total ignorance of the company go I must, and go I should; and conse- quently go I did. “ Well,” thinks I, “ it’s nothiiig'but a little pottering, country town. after all, and per- haps they won't: drink my health. If they do, I can easily prepare myself by writing out a neat little speech, and getting it by heart before I go.” Accordingly, [feigned headache that very evening, and, retiring to my chamber, composed the following im- promptu. “ Gentlemen-—unaccustomed tho’ I am to public speaking, I should be unwor- thy the name of it nian and a Briton, if I could consent to remain silent at the present moment—a moment, suffer me to add, that I deeply feel to be one of the proudest of my existence. But, gentlemen, after the eloquent speech we havejust heard, it would be irrelevent in me to attempt a lengthened harangue on any subject—much less such an unworthy one as the humble individual before you. Gentlemen, I congratulate you from the bottom of my heart, on the con- quest you liave this day met to celebrate; and though I have not known you long, I hope the friendship thus auspiciously begun, will long continue to flourish. Gedtleinen, I bcg leave to return you my sincere thanks for the honor you have done me in drinking my health, and, gentlemen, I beg leave to drink all your very good liealths.” Before I got into bed that night, I could repeat the whole of this little address, with proper accent and action, having carefully practised the latter before the large swing dressing-glass. I had also arranged a little bit of by-play to assist the declaration ; -which was, at the cue, “hu1nble individual before you,” to take up my siiufi'-box,-at “ met to celebrate,” to take a pinch of the titillating mixture,—-at “continue to flour- ish,” to put the box down again,—and diir- ing the last sentence, to take up my wine- glass, and toss it of standing, by way of a grand finale. This I thought, would have a fine effect upon the “ worthy and indepen- dent,” and I meant to show by it, that I was quite at my case, and persuade them, if possible, that nothing was more common than for me to be toasted, and to return thanks in a public assembly. Delighted with my powers, I went to bed: I tried my speech over again between the slieets—nay, Idilated upon it-I went into the slavery question, and took a slight glance at the corn laws ; lamented the ponderosity of the national debt, and concluded with adiatribe against ‘Indian monopoly. In short, I felt as if the gift of oratory had miraculously fallen upon me: I had serious thoughts of speaking from the inn window, and perhaps of proposing myself as the antagonist of the nominee candidate, who still sat for the neighboring ‘peer. Slumber sealed my eye- lids ; but I was still speechifying. I seem- ed to be in a large assembly, and I got up to return thanks. But as soon as I had commenced speaking, the company began to leave the room ; they departed to a man—-rows of empty chairs alone were left to comfort me.——A change came over the spirit of my drenm—tlie chair backs were transformed into swing dressing-glasses, and in each of them I saw some horrible sha- dow, a caricature likeness of myself, mock- ing my motions. My horror was in_t’ense; I awoke; my whole frame was in a state of feverish excitement. But I rccollected my- self—composed my scattered thoughts, and reflected how very silly it was to think so much about a matter of insignificance. I went to sleep again, and dreamt no more. In the morning I awoke with a slight headache ; I sat up in bed ; rubbed my eyes; looked at my watch; and gaped. “ Gen- tlemen,” said I, “unaccustomed though I am to public speaking, I should be unwor- thy the name of a man and a Briton, if I could suffer myself to remain silent at the present moment; a moment, suffer me to add, that I deeply feel to be the proudest of my existence.” And I went through my speech without meeting any single blunder. But the dreamy determinations of the pre- ceding evening had very much changed their aspect during the night, the inn win- dow scence was relinquished at once, and I unhesitating withdrew my, opposition to the nominee member. I arose and dressed, re- peating my speech over and over again, in fact, the words had taken such hold of me, that I could not help myself. Like the bur- den of an old song that gets into one’s head; and keeps possession of our tongue in spite of our teeth, the words of my address were constantly intruding themselves, and I often found myself in the middle of the speech, before I was at all aware of what I was about. ' Unfortunately, all my sentiments seemed determined to take one arrangement; and I hardly need say, that was the arrange- ment of my speech. Like those figures of pasteboard which have but one head,- com’- mon to all, my ideas would admit of but one form of expression; and the worst of it was, that I remained unconscious of the circumstance tilltit was too late to rectify It. “Will you take an egg, Mr. W I” kindly asked the Honorable Mrs. Adolphus Fitz Gun at breakfast that morning. “Madam,” I replied, “unaccustomed though I am to taking eggs at breakfast, I should be unworthy the name of a man and a Briton, if I could consent to refuse your polite ofl'er—-may I trouble you for a spoon I Alittle while after, Mrs. Julia Fitz Gun the Honorable Adolphus’s youngest sister made her appearance, bearing in her hand a riclilybound album.- “O Julia, dear!” cried Mrs. Fitz Gun,” let me show Mr. W. those pretty lines of your cousin Emily"s, he is a judge in these matters and I think will like them.” “Madam said I may I, “request you to read them i” for I was busy with my egg. contribution, as he was well known to write poetry for the g'eiitleman’s Magazine; and various other fashionable periodicals. Mrs. Julia of course jumped at the suggestion. “Dear ladies,” I replied, “after the elo- quentlines we liavejust heard, it would be irrelevant in ms to attempt a lengthened composition on any subject, much less such an unworthy one as the humble indivinual before ynu. “O ! Choose what subject you like !” ct‘i- ed both the ladies at once. “Well, well,” I rt-.-joined, “I beg leave to return you my most sincere tliaiiks for the honor you have done me to write in your album, some morning or other I'll try what I can do.” “\’V.,” said Fitz Gun, pushing his coffee- ciip aside -- for he seldom begins to talk till he has fitiishd feeding-—“you have not chan- ged your mind about the journey to B. to- day, I hope '4” “My dear sir,” I replied, “unaccustomed, though I ant to dining in public, I should be unworthy the name of a man and a Briton, ifI could consent to remain at home on the present occasion ; and Icongratulate you from the bottom of my heart on the conquest you are this day going to cele- brate.” “Thank you, thank you, dear old boy,” returned the honorable member, “at two o’ clock precisely we start. Till then you will please to excuse me, as I have got a thousand things to do in the interim.” I The morning soon slipt away, and it was the hour to dress. I am not generally long over my toilet,but that morning I took more time than ordinary; for Ihad been giving the finished touch to my speech. “Hello, WV. ! ” cried the Honorable A- dolphus Fitz Gun from the bottom of the stairs, “are you going to be all day? There will be no ladies at the table l” “My dear fellow,” I replied, buttoning up my waiscoat as fast as I could, and feel- ing as if I had forgot my pocket handker- chief,“l’ll be with you in a 1nomsnl:—a mo- ment, suffer me to add, that I deeply feel to be one of the proudest of my existence.” And 1 scampered down stairs, taking ajiimp over the last three, in order to exhibit my agility to the ladies, who with the Honora- ble Adolphus were waiting in the hall. “VV.” said the member, “Mrs. Fitz Gun and my sister have consented to accompany us as far as the Hotel this morning; and as Julia cannot ride backwards conveniently, and as it would be awkward, you know, for me to stand up and bow to my worthy cori- stituents retrogressively, as 1 may say- ’ “My dear fellow,” ineterrupfed I, “say no more. Unaccustomed though I am to riding with my back to the horses, I should be umvortliy the name ofa man and a Brit- on ifI could suffer any one, much less a la- dy, to be inconvenienced by such an unwor- thy subject as the humble individual before you. Get in, for goodness sake ! I shall pass over our journey to the bor- ough, our reception there, inn window speeches, turtle soup, roasted pigs, haun- ches of venison and plumb puddings ; and shall at once push on forward to the grace after meat. It may be as well however, to re- mark that, as this period approached, all my former misgivings came upon me as strong- ly as ever. I tried over my speech every now and then, but even my perfection in that failed to dissipate my fears. The grace proceeded ——“Non nobis Domini,” squeaked the contralto—“Non nobis Domi- no,” bawled the tenor--“Non nobis Domi- num, bellowed the bass. Alas the terible moment: was approaching l a few more glas- ses of wine, and I should have to stand up at full length bc‘fo're a company of two hundred and severity worthy and inde- pendent electors, all staring at me with their goggle eyes, and listening with their five hundred and forty ears. I began to trem- ble already. “The King—with three times three 1” The toast was drunk, the, band struck up the national anthem, and the two hundred and seventy independent electors ~p the air with their einty glasses. “The Duke of York and the Army I” (such things were in those days) hip, hip, hip again, nine shouts, and as many rolls of the drum.- Duke of Clarence and the Navy !” Straightway four and twenty of the two litm- dred and severity honest and unbought bur- gesses began to tell the old ‘anecdote of the deaf gentfeman who inquired “VV ho is the Duke of Clareiice’s izevcy ?”-—tlirice three gallant cheers, as before—tune, “Rule, Brit- annia !” The vice president now rose and begged leaf to propose a’ toast——it was, “the Honorable Fitz Gun, the victorious champi- on of freedom and independence.” This was followed by nine times nine cheers,- which, in my then situation, Iwould wil- lingly have prolonged to nine times ninety —-tune of course, “See the conq’ring hero I” Five gentlemen, strenuous supporters of the true blue cause, were then swallowed,- and returned thanks for the honor done them, «See. &.c.,all declaring how unaccus- tomed they were to public speaking, and the last of the number, a fierce looking man with sandy whiskers,fairly breaking down at the end of a double parenthasist I was the next.—“Mr. W. your health I” sounded in all directions: and there I sat “booing and booing,” right and left, front and rear, till my head seemed to grow loose on my shoulders. I had entertained some thoughts of omitting the first sentence otfmy thanks- giving, for I thought that, as five‘ gentleriren had already made use of alinost the same words, it might appear second hand : but then the “mart and the’ Briton !” I consider- ed that the finest passage in my composition, and could not prevail on myself to give it up.- The toast had been houored.; the bottle stood with me; I filled my glass—nay I made it run over-and _r‘_'ose from my seat. who would be assembled, and the topics Mrs. Fitz Gun read the verse--and very ; “Gentleman,” said I, “unaccustomed shouted huzza, and described nine circles in _ thought I might indulge a bit of parenthe- sis,) —“ and I cannot feel ashamed Elf ac- knowledging what the great Addison --the immortal secretary of state”— (here I be- gun to get beivildere:-.d)'—"‘ the first scholar of his age; and author of the Spectator—- at least of the greater part of it—'-was be- fore me. Unuccustomed, I say, Geiitlemaii, though I am, to public spealtingg I should be unworthy the name of a man and of a Briton, if I could rei'r'iaiii silent at the pre- sent time, a. time, suffer me to add, that I deeply feel to be one of the proudest of my existence. But, Gentlemen, after the elo queiit speech we have just heard," (here all eyes were fixed on the little fierce looking man in the sandy whiskers, and the little gentleman himself looked more fierce, and his whiskers more sandy than cver,) “ after the eloquent speech, Isay,” (I hardly knew what I said,) “ that we have just heard, it would be irrelevant in me. to attempt a lengthy liarangue on any subject—much less such an unworthy one as the individual before you,” (Here in accordance with my original pl:in, I went to take up my snuff- box ; but unfortunately some neighboring gentlemen were stimulating their olfactoi'ies with its contents, and almost unconscious of wliatl did, I seized my wine glass iii- stead. My hand shook. so terribly, how- ever, that after spilling half the bumper, I was obliged to sit it down again, and pro- ceeded with my speech.) “ Gentlemen,” I congratulate you from the bottomest depths of my heart’s core, on the conquest you have this day met to celebrate ; and though I have not known you long, gentlemen,——- many of you not before this day-—y'et, I say, gentlemen, I—I liope—whcn we meet again, I shall have known you longer. Gentlemen, I beg leave to return you my most sincere thanks for the honor you have done me in drinking my very good health, and gentlemen-—wortliy and independent elcctors—-I beg leave to drink to. all your very good healtlis.” It’s over ! ejaculated I, as I flounccd down on my chair again; I shall now remain un- molested till the end of the day ! I have not acted my part quite as well as I had ex- pected, it is true : but at all events," not worse than others that have preceded me. I have done at least as well as the little, fierce-looking gentleman in the sandy wliis- kers. A weight appeared to have been ta- ken off from my mind ; my soul seemed to expand. I felt as happy as Adam in Eden ; my nervousness quite forsook me, and I looked forward to a long evening of unin- terruptcd enjoyment. Alas I How frail are human hopes l how uncertain are sub-' lunary anticipationsl I had scarcely finish- ed my speech, the knuckles of the two hun- dred arid seventy independent burgesses had not ceased to make the glasses dance upon the table, when I observed the little fierce-looking man with the sandy whiskers get up from his seat, beckon to a friend, and leave the room. A waiter soon afterwards camein, and whispered to several of the company, who went out; and presently a second waiter came up to me, and informed me, in alow tone of voice, that a gentle- man wished to speak to me in an adjoining apartment. “ VVitli me,” I exclaimed, “there must be some mistake.” “No,sir:” you are the gentleman, I’m certain. Accordingly I got up from the table. “ WIiat’s the matter, Wzi cried the Hon- orable Adolphus Fitz Gun’. , “ I really don’t know;” I replied, “but this person tells me, I am wanted in another room.” , “ 0, well I don’t belong,” said the M.P., and away I went. “ This way, sir--this way !” bawled the waiter, usliering me down a long, narrow passage, on each side of which were doors with numbers on them, “ this is the room, sir, No. 37, facing the street: if you want any thing, please to touch the bell, sir. Ciiming l” I eiitered the room ; and there, surrotind- ed by a group of his friends, stood the fierce-looking man with sandy ..whiskers. “Sir,” said be, addressing me with great impetuosity, “ you have thought proper to expose me to the ridicule of a public table to-day, by some indecent feniai'lts on a speech of mine; and I beg your accept- tance of that, (giving me a c-.l'rd,) in order that I may have an opportunity of explain- ing to you any part of that speech you may not thoroughly comprclicnd. You under- stand me. sir i” “ My dear Mr. Edward Hiiggins_, said I, reading his name on the card. “ I am as- tonished to perceive that you have so entire- ly misconstrued my meaniiig. I should be unworthy the name of a man and a Briton; if Icould harbor a thought of unkindness towards any individual whom I have had the pleasure to meet this day-‘-‘-a day, sufi"er me to add, that I deeply feel to be one of the proudest of my existence.-” While this was going forward in No: 37, facing the‘ street, rumors of wars had got afloat in the dining-room, andas soon as I they reached the ear of the Honorable A- dolphus Fitz Gun, he hastened down the long, dark passage to my" assistance: ac- companied by several geut:le'men, anxious‘ to restore harmony; or,- perhaps, desirous of witnessing the sport. '_I‘hey entered the room just as I had finished the seiitencg written above, and inquiriiig into the cause of tlie_ disturbance, were made acquainted with the circumstances,~ of which the reader has already been informed. “ Mr: Huggins,” exclaimed the Ho‘nofra_- ble Adolphus, “I consider the present a'fi'air as entirely my own ; and though I am con- vinced tbat my friend, Mr.‘ W» had. 1'10 1"‘ tention of giving offence in‘ the remark he made, yet I shall not h'e’sita‘te' to’ render you any satisfaction that you may think proper - ,roi'- ; the Rev. Tithepig was aware of that, ters in a crowded room‘, (and he said this with peculiar emplinsi’s,) but to-morro'.v morning I shall be happy to see y'o'.'. at Fitz Gun PIttC€,_,i7l'll(3ll we can mak‘c ‘every ur- i'aiigeineiil;.” Three or four gentleman, of wlfoin I was one, now int'erfe.red to propose a reconcilia- tion: and Mr. I-Iuggiiis, wli'os’e tone had iindergone a_ manifest change since the deli- very of the honorable mcir.ber’s speech, de- clared that no one could be less anxious than he to interrupt the hilarity of the even- ing ; but he felt it to be a duty he owed to himself, to notice the circiiiiietiiiice in the way he had done. However; the gentle- man [nieaiiing myself] had declared he had no intention of giving him offence, lie was bound to believe him,-aii‘d ’shuuld be sa- tisfied witli an apology. “My dczir Mr. Huggins.” I exclaimed, ‘_f I apologise from the bottom of my heart— Isliould be unworthy the name of a inan and a Britdn, if I could refuse you such a moderate i"equest: and now g€llll(’.l1]GD;Il’lttI we are all good friends again, let us return to the diniiig-rooin, to enjoy the triumph which we have this day met to celebrate. Mr. Huggins, I continued, holding out my hand to him, “ I have not known you loizxg, but I hope the friendship thus auspicio"usly- begun will long continue to flourish.” “ Sir,” said he, shaking hands with me about as cordially as one may suppose it pu- gilistic champion to shake hands with a competitor for ‘ the belt.’ “ I am much '0- bliged to you for your offer, but before Ican except it, I must: have public acknowledg- ment of your sentiments} the, ‘offence was public, and so must be the apology.” A public apology! thought I; another speech! VVa"s ever mortal so miserably situated’! Fitz Gun took advantage of my perplexity, and observed: “Mr. VV. has, in my mind, inade sufiicient apology. No gentleman, I think; could reqiiii'e more.” Upon this, the little man with red wliiskers flew into a towering passion. It was as much as to say that he ,was no gentleman ; and, let him tell Mr. Fitz, Gun, he was as good a gentlemen as he [Mia Fitz Guii] was; and since he had tlioiig-lit proper to act as he had acted, be [Mr. Edward Hug- gins] would never give him another vote as long as he lived. He wouldn’t forsake his colors, he said; he was born blue, and would the blue; but if he was alive next election, and another candidate was to lie found in all the three kingdoms, he would spend the last fartliing he had in the world, but that candidate should sit in parliament for the iiidependent borough of B: At this, we all began to talk at once, and I couldn't, if I would", inform the reader of all that was said. Let it sufiice that; after much humming and hawing, ‘and eat- ing of words on all sides, pelicewas now restored; Mr. Edward Huggins consented to forego the public apology, and we all marched in a body from No. 37, facing the street, into the public room. But a damp had been thrown over the pleasures ‘of the evening, that no wine could dissipate; , Glees were sung, anecdotes were reliifed, puns were let off, toasts were drunk; and thanks were returned; but the whole had that terrible heaviness which always accom- panies fictitioiis merriment.—At least, if this were not the general feeling, it was mine, and when a man’s own mind is jaun- diced, it makes all the world look yellow. There was one consolation for me; ’tis true—I had no more speeches to make. But what was one consolation to so many annoyances? In vain did I attempt to rivet my attention to that pleasing recollection ; the terrible vision of No. 37 crowded upon me and filled my imagination. Not a word was uttered, not a joke cracked ; but I could trace it in some remote allusion to the ad- ventures of that horrible chamber: I have said that toasts continued to’ be drunk, and thanks returnetl. But I think I forgot to fnentidn, that, opposite to me, at the din iier table, sat the Rev. Mr: Tithcpig, vicar of B., and chaplain to the Earl of C. This gentleman was a frequent visitor at Fitz Gun Place, and he had béél1_my ari- tagonist in several discussions on West In- dia Slavery, Romish Idolatry, the Theory of Ccinets, &c. in all of which, I am proud to say, the strongest argument.s—for we were too well niatclied td come to any de- cisioii-'—'—were always on my side. W'cll, this gentleman had been toasted, of course, and had made a spce'c’h as long as ii ser- mon; and he was now on his legs to return thanks for the honor confei'réd upon Mrs. and the Misses Tithepig‘, whose high- est gratification, he said, it had ever been to witness the brave sti'ug-gles of independence, and was now to hail the glorious triumph of t'fébdom”---(Hear; hearl) “Before I sit down,” continued the reverend gentlenian, “I must beg leave to propose a toast: 1 shall not enter intb a lengtliened panegyric on the merits of the lady to whoiti Ialliidc; for to those who‘ know her, the naiiie will be its own eulogy, (Julia Fitz Gun, thinks I, no doubt,)' and to‘ those who do not, any coin- there had been, I had no power to make use of it in the Ill‘l'1ll’igt.‘!D£’llt of my thoughts. The table was silent---I had already taken more time than is usually allowed on such occasioiis, and I rose Witl]i'5l_lI hope. “ Gentli.-men,” I began, “ 1 rise in em- liai'rasse(l circuinstances---to return you my rri'ost cordial and heartfelt acknowledgments wife---oi‘ rather, isiiffer me to say; both of us---in drinking her very good health‘; If she were here herself; gciitlenich, she would thank you from the bottom of her heart; for, unaccustomed thoiigli she is to public speaking, she would be unworthy the name of a man and a Briton, if she could siifi'er herself to remain silent on the present ‘oc- casi'on---wlii‘ch---which, g€IlIlt3IIl€ll---\V'0l'- thy ‘and indep_t-.ndcnt electors --you have met this day to ct-.l"chrate. It would be presump- tion in the humble individual before you--- after the eloquent speeches we have this day l:enr:i-- and which speeches, ‘suffer me to add, replete as they are with elegancc--- and wit---and humor---talciits’; gentlemen, of very rare---veify---that is, very rare to be met with---and wherever met with, gentle- man,-1 I repeat, wherever met with, it is al- ways received with rapturous applause, and great clapping of liands. It would be irre- levantin me, gentlemen, to add f1!ly_II1ilig more ‘(iii this subject, and tliercfore I beg leave to return you my inost sincere thanks for the honor you have done my wife in drinking her health-- and. gelitlernen, I beg leave, ll'0Hi the bottom of my heart,to drink all your vei'y good healths.” I have no power to describe the state of horror in which I sat down after this vile medley, which was received by the compa- ny with anironical rapping of kniickles, and with cries of‘Bravo’ by the victir. I looked at Fitz’ (Sun fill‘ consolation—or at least commiseration-—but he was_‘too far gone’ to enter" into my feelings. Sympatliy her- self, seeiiied to‘ be half seas over; and in- deed, that was my only consolatibn now, that the two hundred and seventy worthy and iiidepeiidiiiit electors were too much under the influence ‘of Baccliub to take any notice of w hat I did or said. Notwitlistand- ing this I was vcry;very miserable,anrl felt as ifthcre was no state of beinggreal or fictious, which I would not willingly exchange for my own. lxion’s wheel seeriief] a wliecl of fortune in comparison with the torture I en- dured. Tlieincessant toil of the Danaian maids seeined lighter than mine, who had as it were; ‘to pour out interrriinahle buck- etsfull of elI)qtleli(;e_ with as little hopes of ultimate success. Nfo sooner had the mad- tleiied curreiil; of my blood began to subside a little towards its regular flow, and I flat- tered myselfbnce more that my trouble was at an end, than the curate, of B:;—doubt- less at the instigation of his vicar'd‘- mas- ter—rose to propose “The Leariicd Socie- ties of Antiquaries.” I was the only F. A. S. in the i'oom, and though I was forced to make an acknowlcdgenient in the name of that sapient body. I "shall not trouble my reader with what I said on this occasion, for, after the sauiplcs he has heard, I am hibitiori of my oratory. Suffice it to say, if was a worse failure than before; and my- self morc wretched: I had not even the ex- ciisc of intoxicatidii for imbecility; for while every one around me seemed to feel more or less the exhilarating effects of the generousjuice, the constant panic which I had been in since the commencement of the feast kept me painfully sober. Cheiiiists tell us of an experinient, in which a_ cup alrefidy filled to the brim may be made to recei've and contain an ounce of this, and half an ounce ofthaif; and a quar- ter of an ounce of something else. This experiment I was doomed to see sadly rea'l- iied to myself. My cap _of misery I had tiiought to be full to overflowing, but it was. yet ‘susceptible, of something more. The lio‘nornhle Adolphus Fiz‘ Gun, being ‘plenus Bacclii,’ clairibcrcd up the top of the tab’le,v and hiccuppied out, ‘_Ge'n’leman, I beg leave —-lieg leave to propose a toast ; it is,,geri-'4 ’lernen the ver---very v"eii’rable Ge1i’le1iieri Illqgazine, of which ex’lent-'-‘ supei‘ ex’lent friend;_Mr. IV. is a po-'-‘p‘lo--br__oeti= cal correspoiident---thrce times three I” At this distance of time, I can look_ wiith calmness upon the incident here related, and make every allowance for‘ the situation of my hoii(‘)'i".abie friend. But at that mo-' inent, the effect upon. myguind wai‘ paralyz- in¢r;—-to see the only oiidfi'om WIl0l_TI Iexpec-- ted sympathy, and for whom I had enduredi all the ._h'o‘rrors of my situation, jdin in the" conspiracy against me, and cb'iinteiiance' the joke by his own example, was‘ too much’ for inortal man tohezir. I rushedlout of’ the room, snatched the first; and worst‘ hat that offered itself, and hurried away’ on foot, to Fitz Gun Place, wlfere',I laid the wlmle case before my hono’r-ed hostess‘ and the charming, Julia. Their ,oxtreme‘kind- ness I remetiiber with gratitude tothis day—' indeed, notliing less than‘ the “soothing syr- up” of feminine eloquence could have res-~ rrieiidation of mine wo'iild fall far short of her deserts that I shall not attempt it. Gen- tleineii, I beg leave to propose the health of Mrs. \V.” . _ Mrs. WV. l mg/,'_lvife! Good Heavens, ano- ther speecli f Pitt himself could not stand ' this,---VVliat should I do? Unaccustomed : as I was to public speaking, how could I get up at a moment’s -notice, and nmlie an off-‘hand speech about my unfortunate’ wife, and feminine affairs! But there was no’ help and a grin of fiendish triumph s'at- upon‘_ his countenance. It had long been evident, not only to me, but to the I‘Ionorable’A‘(fol- phus and Mrs. Fitz Gun',- and‘ Miss Julia, that the vicar owed me a‘g'r‘u‘tlge;"~ _and,- as he could not vanquish me‘ in‘ the fair and open lists of argument, hetook this plan of tored my mind to its wonfed sefenity; but’ but there is :1 picture of the dinner at Bi,» ‘ kit-'kat portraits‘ of the vi_c'ai",- the drunken“ chairman, andthe little fierce-lookiiig man with the red wiskers, ever hanging in» the exhibition room of my memory, whose’c.ol- ors no time can facfe‘. Next moniingof’ coui'se,_ai'riple' apologies were made’by' my honorable friend, and my hearty for’give'neliis~ was elicited. - i I belive it‘ is tinnecessary for‘ me‘ to‘ add},- that the last public dinner I honored with’- my presence was at the -worthy and: inde’-* pendent little borough pf B. VVhy' is‘ an emetic like a country dance? D’ye give"it: up? Because it’-i-sdawn in the. middle" and ,up'again.- Improvethe wit you ikwe bought at a den 1‘ rate, and the wistl‘o‘m you have gained by harrassina‘ me from his vuiitat e round of sad cxneiiencc. at - ¢ ‘I g fol‘ the honor yoii have done tne--~ that is,my i sure he can have no desire for a further ex-gym" ,..«;.-0-i“~ag1 2
Norwalk Chronicler